Pandemonium

oh, the things i do.

my cousins are back from England, and my life's events are getting hectic-er than normal (for the holidays, i mean). my days of bumming around the house and catching up on much needed entertainment and (more importantly) 'Zzzs' has been put on hold to make way for the greater good that is family.Ü

we're off to Lord knows where in a few, i am just left rearranging the weblives of dear ate before we depart for r&r.

enlightenment from the seniors was bestowed upon moi hours ago, and i was left to take all the blows and guilt explanations of them titas. and i realize that i am a constant hot topic whenever older relatives come back home. oh well. what's done cannot be undone.

blah, blah, blah.

i'm off.

Broke, Broken?

i came across a friend's friendster profile a few minutes ago, and i saw some pictures that made me think of the times when i had sooo much free time with them friends. funny, though, how everyone have seemingly lost touch with each other after so short a time. it has been what--a few months? i don't know anymore.

the spirit of christmas, however, has brought--good cheer?--and, i guess, renewed hope for most of us. renewed hope, as in, that some still allow themselves to resurrect their closet skeletons amidst the chaos they encounter everyday they once referred to as life. i received calls from another old friend saying we have GOT to meet sometime, and that he wishes us all merry christmas.Ü

make that some of us... i have just gotten word that this christmas isn't as cheer-y as i once thought would be for others... another old friend's grandfather just passed away, and it kills me that they'd have to spend this season actually mourning... i'm so sorry, dear, for your loss. have you told me sooner, i could've visited or whatever.

with that in mind, i don't think i'm all that cheer-y now.

anyways, merry christmas to the rest of the world. and a happy new year too.

Target

oh yes. as much effort i give to veer away from communal insanity and annoying target-shooting, they always seem to find me anyways.

freaky-crazy, but what can i do? i guess they love me that much. at least i'm not yesterday's news. problem is, i'm EVERYDAY'S news. why do people just love getting in on my life? goes to show who your real friends are. it doesn't matter to me now who treats me nicely or not, i'm back to paranoia101 again. INSECTS, listen: keep off the grass please.

and to those who don't want to be directed, get off my life. mind your own beeswax, get lost, vamoose. get the picture?

i don't mean to sound all bitchy, but recent events aren't excuses for sick, sad behavior. i'm keeping my sanity in check, you should do that too.

to everyone who's morphed into paparazzi, i'm watching you as well. let's play a little game of hide-and-seek, shall we?

if you can't take my guts, this'll make things easier for you: TRY NOT TO TAKE THEM.Ü

so much for two-faced superficials.

Dreamy... Ü

ahh... the life of a computer person.

because i can't think of anything else, i shall write about the facets of today.Ü

i had sooo much fun a while ago. i never thought that the time i'd perform with the untouchables would be today. yea, yea. so you thought we were some other group.

guess again.

the unexpected affair presented itself to moi, and recognition is of great concern. in the moment of goosebump-embedded bliss, the chance of electrocution shoved its way to my fingertips. ahoy there. thank you and you're... wow.Ü my efforts to remain sane has failed, i am again in my dreamy land. i love.Ü my abode shines brighter now. and now you all know i'm so much more than what you thought i was.Ü

oh, the joys of an imperfect life.Ü

i miss you guys, hope to see you soon. but i have other matters to take care of also, so... whatever happens.Ü (oh, and by the way, to my SSP: you rock.Ü)

Wicked

i find myself completely drawn to this masterpiece. and i thought everything i liked about this was superficial.

oh well.

"i'm not that girl" deems very unexplicable for my beauteous life. i sooo love the song, and everything else that goes with it.

i hope i find resolution to my highly-climactic life nowadays.

i'm off.

LIZNGAL!!! i miss you pare!!! ÜÜÜ

15-Minute Solitude

thanks to early dismissals and time to kill, i am again in front of a computer screen (and no thanks to irritating power failure, i lost my entry a few eons ago).

i am seriously doubting my future plans. i want to do so much, but previous events are naturally beauteous hindrances to the prime of the prime of my life. being the overactive (though at times subdued) individual i am, i am again, torn between worlds.

my topsy-turvy life is now on the edge, and i am breaking parts of myself little by little, literally and figuratively. i am now on the verge of breaking, but in every life's decision, it is but natural to feel this way.

and so i shut up.

tomorrow is another day, and tomorrow will be filled with untold stress. is relaxing a crime? well, i think it is for me... right now. but pretty soon, i shall be in wonderful abyss. :)

if anything, i'm happy with whatever's happening in my life right now. at least i'm more... "out".

and that makes a whole lot more sense to me. :)

adios friends. :)

Of Birds and Bees...

...and butterfly and trees?

kind of.

in a nutshell, my life has been turned upside down in a day... a little over two weeks ago. now, i suddenly lost all time for anything else, and matters of commitment are tested. i'm not complaining, after all, this freaky possibility has been one of my goals ever since college started for moi. besides, if i really work, this is SOOO going to be worthwhile.

anyways, i'm still in school, pouring over my "extra curriculars," and trying to deal with things as they go. the blasted computer at home is possessed, so all attempts to indulge in nocturnal madness is ceased. well, semi-good thing, cz at least i get to sleep, though still less than usual. and at least this "sem break" isn't as fattening as i have somewhat pictured it to be a few ages ago. :)

it would be such a waste of time to update the world with matters of the past month, so to save civilization's eyes from blood-pumped veins and extra-terrestrial transformation, refer to the third paragraph of this entry.Ü

crazed irregularities lurking in every corner are proof of my end's nearing. i shall terminate myself from this quizzical hour and rest in pieces.

au revoir! (i'm sorry, but my incapacity to predict the combinations of the alt-keyed symbols make me unable to provide you with more precise letters. :p)

Harvesting Mushrooms

it's been a while.

actually, it's been too long.

it's the end of september, and i think it's obvious that the babied mushrooms need harvesting. so on i go.

i can't even begin to tell the world of everything i have on my mind right now [at 5am, yes.]. SOOO much has happened, and i'm afraid my momentary weakness from suspension in space will haunt me back to my peaceful place. so, the updates will come as shocks as i traverse the ends of the earth.

two friends of mine are celebrating their birthdays today, so happy birthday julio and ate lyz.Ü [i'm temporarily trashing all issues, so to those who wish to react, be my guest.] happy days to you both.

i'm in one of my busiest states yet again, so naturally, relaxing alone-time for me will be highly detrimental to my altered nature. forgiveness for major delays, for i know that a meteor should hit me first before i pull an all-nighter doing this once more. i should have been sleeping ages ago, but since my dear friend has subscribed to a life-threatening post-planner similar to this for moi and others, i am banging at these missed keys again.

have i been missed? heehee...Ü i think my hugs are increasing... yay for that!Ü

a lot has commenced that i want to blab about, but time is not on my side. i shall disconnect my precious device from its source, and live a happier life... in dreamland.Ü

Bittersweet Semi-Symphony

self-induced irritation may be the most logical explanation for what i'm feeling now, but, not really. people say it's a matter of seeing the good in things. i say it's a matter of seeing things as they are supposed to be seen.

reasons. too many reasons.

1. my mom came home with a globe telecom paperbag in hand, asking me if i wanted the pink bear she got from-- i'm assuming--saisaki. [hello. hint, hint. a new cell phone. and it's not one of those cheap ones. grr. and she says i have this phone fetish. look who's talking.]

2. an extended lecture on how the world is uberdangerous nowadays [which, of course, started with the cellphone talk].

3. television invasion---i again lose to my parents. it's always theirs.

4. slow and painful torture. i can't breathe in this room. everyone's looking over my shoulder.

5. i passed the judgment day(s). for a sick person, that's an accomplishment.

6. oh, and that reminds me---yes, i'm still sick.

7. babytalk in the living room. [oh, spare me please!]

8. my weird fascination for momentary cynicism [well, for cynicism in general, momentary or otherwise.]

9. endless blabber i sooo don't want to hear. like forcing issues on me will make me listen. keep trying.

10. de-stressing my nonsoul, and de-cluttering my nerve-wracked mind.

***there you go. reasons. hence the title.

although the madness makes me want to shut my world out right now, i will still try my hardest to smile. i passed gc, all right. thanks to those who believed in my powerless state in the few days of judgment. ouchies.

sadly, my presently-incompetent state is unable to unleash sufficient wordplay to make the days of bored folk. you'll have to wait until next time.

Ouchies...

now that i think about it. i don't feel too well after all.

a book read and and halfway though another one doesn't make me feel better also. i've been resting every single moment i can get to, but to no avail. methinks my nonsoul wants to rest for real. but for how long, i still don't know.

Ten Straight Sick Days

this does not mean cursing the number. i just am still really sick.

on the lighter side of things, i'm happy today [well, despite all the crap i had to put up with and the extremely pitiful time i've had with the rest of civilization]. the three new books i had my parents purchase for sick, sad moi [harhar, the perks...Ü] kind of turned my day upside down. not only do i envision curling up in bed in the coming cold nights with a good book, a warm comforter and hot green tea and milk partnered with peanut butter and chocolate creme oreos [in pjs... ah... sweet.], but also the adventure my mind shall embark on the moment i turn a book's page.

another great idea==> oreos' alternate: cinnamon milk oatmeal. heaven.Ü and with more puppy-dog eyes and eyelash-batting [albeit REALLY in pain] directed to the rents, my wishes are their command.Ü thank you Lord for the gift of life!Ü

life is SOOO good.Ü

i absolutely love this idea, but sadly, there's a bad side to all the bliss i'm oh-so-waiting to get. two words: Judgment Day. it's so sad that i overlooked this thought when i constantly dreamt of unending comfort, and now that i'm considering the idea, my insides are churning and i can't breathe--literally.

i don't know if i'll ever get through tomorrow, because starting 6:30 am, my hellish day will start. i don't even know if i'll be well by then, but at the rate things are going, i don't really think so. the question still remains unanswered then: should i succumb to my pathetic dis-ease and not go through with tomorrow's lethal fury or just take in the wrath of my literally ruined future?

oh man.

before every ounce of my sanity disappears and i collapse into a heap of school things on the floor, end this ranting i will. now i have to summon up my inner yoda and try to make peace with the Force.

that is, if no dark lord wll stand in my way.

i PRAY that With Me the Force May Be.

Freaky Friday (Saturday, actually.)

call me crazy.

i'm being eaten alive by immeasurable nervy-ness and sky-high pressure. i don't know why exactly i'm reacting this way, but i guess this proves i'm still normal.

in a way.

everyone wishes me goodluck, but i am inching my way to death now because i know i don't stand a chance. the people i'm going to compete with are sooo good, no one can understand the dread i am nursing in the depths of my heart and soul. i just have one wish, prayer, cry, whatever: that i don't make a fool out of myself on my judgment day(s).

this is for me. i'm not doing this for anyone else.

"i am not lost, i have merely lost my way."

thanks, lian dear. you're the greatest.Ü i shall quote razi in my next ranting.Ü

i have the greatest life, and the greatest trials too. i hope i get through next week [most especially monday] so i can continue with my treasured existence.

Methinks you know mine deepest sorrow

Thine eyes shall see my grave to-morrow;

And as we walk in worlds apart

Mine weary soul, mine mind, mine heart

Salute Thine will, to life behold

T'is great a story never once told.

Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam.

Amazing Grace

i'm proud to say i can never fully fathom the greatness of life and chance. i guess we all should be lost in a way, and i'm glad i am practically braille-ling my way through this aspect.Ü

can i just say that i love my life???Ü everything seems to be getting clearer for me, and i can finally see a little more light now. it's been soooo long since i last enjoyed every bit of my day, and it's just how i remembered it... WOW.Ü

i'm exhausted and on the verge of fainting, but at least i had a fun day. many thanks to Him and His brilliance.Ü

i must say, luck is probably the last thing i'll need for that thing in a week and a few days. i'm still not sure of what i'll be doing, i'm just hoping i won't humiliate myself AGAIN. i at least want to get out of that place with a tiny smile. help me please.

i am an army of one. i hope i pull this off.

one time, big time. keep praying.

for myself and not for anyone else. one big fight. i believe.

Paradise Lost

it takes a lot to know what life is. and it pains me like hell when i know my dearest friends are sad. they don't have to tell me. i just know.

some people think that moving on is the worst thing that can ever happen in a person's life. they purposefully detach themselves from all they love just so they can say they give themselves importance and that they're cutting people slack.

i guess it's common that we pretend to be ecstatic when our hearts are screaming in bloodbath inside us. it's a technique we humans have learned to love because we want to project euphoric pretenses and numb the world of despair. i say it makes things harder for us. so, sometimes, it won't hurt if we all be a tad over-sincere.

distance has proved to maim hearts and generate heartache and solitude. it will be all up to us if we would go for the path which urges us to fight like crazy for underproduced sanity, or if we settle with undermined hopes and dreams and therefore make us bitter folks and unaccomplished retards. i hope my friend chooses to live and not be put down by her recent separation from her paradise. whatever happens, everyone will be here.

discombobulation seemingly establishes unbridled fury from the inhabitants that astound my existence. not bad. harharharÜ

before everything else crumbles to oblivion, i shall say so long to my unrestrained ramblings and go to class.

Equanimity Overload

"train comes, i don't know its destination... it's a one-way ticket to a MAJOR SITUATION."

i don't know why all of a sudden, things are starting to roll over on its good side. i'm not complaining, but i can't help asking my unsettlingly calm brain if this is a prelude to what's going to come.

i've studied too much foreshadowing to be pleasant about all this.

but i'll live first.Ü

complacent freaks surround my existence, and i laugh in their presence. funny, though, cz as soon as i bequeath this ordeal upon them, their sanctimonious smirks diminish and they crumble their behinds off to hell knows where. i soo love my life. it gives me a chance to give despicable people a taste of their own medicine.

birthday celebrations prove to be another haven of unforseen negative energy between adversaries. don't get me wrong, this usually happens in the most inconceivable of cases, but apparently, those cases suit last saturday evening. congratulations to cynical madness, resign to your fate.

last minute grocery-shopping is crucial to human life. and so, upon deciding to endure the continuous expulsion of dead skin cells by cruising the aisles of the earnest folly of grocery stores, clear your mind and relax. momentarily forsaken entities may be perceived lurking in the depths of stacked boxes and overstuffed shelves. think in advance, be a nonchalant princess to the world of shadows, and keep a funny story in your purse. that will surely let you ace the jackpot encounter.

i'm off. farewell to the land of dreams.

Bared, Unearthed, & Exposed

"nothing feels right anymore..."

conversations with depressed and longing friends makes it so much easier to relive moments of despair and extreme cases. and i'm not really sure i like it. options are thrown right in my face, and i am left giving them advice on all the stupid hullabaloo i previously got myself into.

i still can't understand why people can't get over themselves and just say how and what they really feel to another person. if pride is all we're considering here, then everything's useless. it just sucks that no one really super honest is left in this world. yes, we're all entitled to secrets, but too much is just too much. if the rest of humanity knows about your ordeal, then just let the person know already. you never know.

yes, certain friends may be alarmed with all i just said, but let them face it. it's going to be good for them anyways.

i can finally drive now. legally. yay! it's such a drag applying for that freakish TIN. and i'm not even working yet. oh well. this government is so annoying.

june 23rd. a few more weeks to go before joey's bash, and a little less than a month before sis'. coolness. at least the race with time is slightly postponed because of very helpful pre-preparations. i love what i do.Ü

i got a newsletter of this other org that wants to recruit me. i'm suddenly given rehearsal schedules, service schedules, and notifications on everything the group has to know. ohkaaay. call me dense, but... what exactly is going on?

hmmm...

i'm supposed to be resting for tomorrow. and some people are supposed to text me if they'll ditch me or not. haaaaaaaaay. i hope everything goes well.

i have another confession: i'm not really sure i'm cut out for the things i just got my sorry behind into. well, the judges will decide... but i am left paralyzed, and it stinks.

oh well.

i finally surrender

oh yes, multiply's larger-than-life journal tab gets the better of me and practically forces me out of my guts to write. oh well. although this will be super tasking, i think i can handle having 3 blogs anyway. i hope.

i am stuck in a really really crappy state (of everything) now. i almost can' t think straight, i'm dead tired, and i can't sleep. so much for rest.

i have an early day tomorrow, the earliest weekday of every week, and all i can think of is how much i'm going to abuse my batteries starting 630 am. as much as i'd hate to start moving that early, i am left without a choice.

oh, the perks of phys. ed.

oh joy.

it's my friend's birthday today. and i feel bad i texted late, but... at least i remembered. and it just sucks that our exhausting schedules just won't give. we're all going to be stuck in our schools with practically nothing else to do but stare at the wonderful professors that grace our individual momentary existence. the things people do to have a good life (i actually am not complaining, but sometimes, you have to get tired of your routine).

squeezy talk and jealous sisters. SOOO much of that on the loose these days.

so, okay, i'm about to see the squeezy people again friday night. i'm seeing a lot of squeeziness, a lot of new stories, a whole lot of arguments, and soooo much more. i hope there won't be any drastic changes and desperate measures, or else i'm gonna freak.

in all the places, in all the sites, in all the web. i had to get sucked into multiply. :p

did i miss something?

all of a sudden, shocking truths and/or revelations are slowly unfolding right in front of me. for many unknown reasons, they show me all their gravity and grandeur all at the same time. it's not at all super freaky, just semi-shocking.

news of school are kind of getting out of hand. a lot of people are talking crap about everything. oh, whatever.

i am about to embark on a highly-fussy (more like highly-annoying) night regime. if only that dermatologist cared. ah, grr. just follow, i tell myself. but still... argh. oh, what the hell. i better stop complaining and shut my trap if i want to keep my skull intact.

i hope things turn out fine tomorrow, and i hope i get things straight with people.

okay, i'm clearly not making sense anymore, so off to dreamland i go.

torn once again

the guardians of my mind are at war again.

i don't know if i really want school to start already. of course, it would be another year. of mixed feelings and experiences all at once. but if truth be told, half of me wants to go, and half is begging for a REAL vacation.

i suck.

there's one thing i hate about the start of this schoolyear. my mom's leaving again in a few days and she'll be gone for a few weeks. darned business trips. and she won't be here on father's day... awww... i feel for my dad. :'(

most of what transpired yesterday were very disturbing. i hate that my cousin got really screwed and there were more family problems now that she'll have to deal with, i hate that my friends are having weird arguments again, and i hate that a lot of people i know are sooo sad now because of certain things. i don't know... am i bringing back the old jaimie too concerned of the miniscule details, or am i just stuck in a phase of oversensitivity now? i can never get this question answered.

my best friend among the family friends i have called me two days ago. i really missed her, and it feels so bad that we still won't get to see each other. after all, laguna is sooo not a ten-minute car ride from my house. but still. it sucks that her family's issues keep her from meeting with the rest of us who miss her. i hope she really gets to stay with us next year.

for some reason, i had more fun today with my parents than i normally do. and my mom's and my mutual quest for an iPod failed. oh well. better luck next time to us.Ü anyways, we were left to roam the mall together while my dad paid bills. okay, we were bad. hahaÜ well, we had so much fun cruising the aisles of watson's and consulting each other on better paraphernalia.Ü aside from the usual things i get, i got white rain's lavender and vanilla shampoo. i know talking about what shampoo i bought seems stupid, but i love it, because its greatness lies on the obvious fact that it combined two of my ultimate uberloved scents--doi, lavender and vanilla-- and i only saw it today. yipee!Ü

going back to the school related mush, i still don't know when we start classes. people say it's on the 16th, but it still doesn't convince me. the others say, 14, but i don't know about that either. oh well. at least i'm still going there on tuesday to meet my dear sis. either way, i get to know when i really should come to class.Ü

i see that keeping myself logged on will make my head ache more, so, goodbye happy world and i will see you soon. happy independence day.Ü

Adventure Central

although i feel i'm not really having a great week, there are some high points to the past few days anyway.

enrollment was okay, kind of hassle-less, but, generally, it went okay. the rest of the few days, however, have been spent at home, in potato-ey goodness, and in excellent terms with my now ubercomfy bedroom. i so don't know how i continue to do this, but a half-unexpected visitor knocked my head back to its place- the now-called diwata [more like -------, if you ask me. wah. :p]. the endless food trips and annoying stressball craze deemed too much for my peaceful soul. in less than half an hour, my kooky self has been resurrected and put to the test. i suddenly felt that cuz and cuzdear were with me. oh yes, tita baklush's presence made that ALL possible.

according to studies, horses cannot be shot with tranquilizers, because it makes them more unstable [hah! that's CSI for you, man!]. and since "ducks don't get wet," you're pretty sure that the whale shark is so humongous it can swallow loads of seawater along with nutrient-packed gourmet seafood [okay, that was, my bedspread, the national geographic channel, and the national geographic channel.].

who says adventures couldn't be educational?

let's see... luncheon meat. wafer sticks. candy. street treats: fishballs, isaw. seasoned spices meat pasta. crackers and seasoned ground beef. hearty meat pasta tossed in orange tomato sauce. pancakes with maple syrup. orange slush shake with crushed cacao krispies. barbecue chicken pita sandwich. a mcchicken sandwich. fries. cappuccino ice cream. a forty-eight hour menu.

oh, man. my adventures have got to stop.

tomorrow is a new day.

matters of the heart

it's been so long since i last wrote about anything concerning matters of the heart. oh well.

er... matters of the heart meaning, anything and everything concerning deepest feelings, yearnings, and whatever else. not just in the lovey aspect.

i have been enchanted, engaged, and engrossed in the craziest things this summer. they were super fun things, yes, but a lot just thought i was losing it. in all i've done these past months, i still feel unaccomplished. i think i really have to dwell on what i really want to do now.

stuff for the bored

1.do you get jealous easily?sometimes. it depends.
2. what have u been doing these past few days?watching movies and putting 'something' together
3. last movie u watched?cinema: a lot like lovetv: a johnny depp action moviedvd: snatchvcd: repli-kate
4. fave songs?last chance, spend my life with you, i miss you, your song, you, one last cry, make me whole, lately, i love you goodbye, color of love, butterfly kisses, beauty and madness, alive, and others.Ü
5. what are u planning to do this week?go out with my dance friends and watch mr.&mrs.smith, train, buy stuff for school
6. do u smoke?nope. never did.
7. any people in-love with u right now?i sure as hell don't know.
8. do u prefer sms or talking on the phone?talking on the phone, of course.
9. are u missing someone right now?super.
10. what are you doing right now?besides answering this survey, uploading pictures in multiply.Ü
11. when was the last time u were surprised?a while ago, when i found out that my blockmate's not gonna transfer na.Ü
12. five words that will fit u ryt now?semi-optimistic. yearning. preoccupied. restless. aching.
13. name ur good friends?sis, cuz, cuz dear, barxchix, gorgeous dancers, darna, mayumi, parts of my family
14. one person u want to spend the rest of ur life with?waiting...
15. what were u doing before this?bloggingÜ
16. what are you thinking now?when will i get my answer?
17.what did you do last night?gathered stuff for the something i'm giving someone.Ü
18.what did you last say to a friend last night?why po? what's up?
19.what attracts you to a girl/boy?nice eyes and smile
20.what makes you happy?being on stage, performing; being loved; accomplishment
21.what are you wearing now?the chill dress thingy my eldest brother gave me from boracay
22.who was the last person you talked to?my other brother
23.what do you want to tell someone?why?
24.when is your birthday?26 february 1986
25.when is your crush's birthday?why should i tell you? hahaÜ
26.when did you last smile?a few seconds ago
27.why did you answer this?because the freakin' pictures are still being uploaded
28.when will you marry?i'm not really sure
29.When did u last receive a gift?2 days ago- a few things my eldest kuya gave me from cebu
30.when did you last drink alcoholic beverages?i don't remember anymore

IT TAKES TWO...

TWO NAMES YOU GO BY: jai, cinderella
TWO THINGS YOU DISLIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: i can be super moody and really bratty
TWO THINGS THAT SCARE YOU: being alone, getting hurt
TWO THINGS U NEED EVERYDAY: phone and lip balm
TWO OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS/SINGERS: bands: u-turn, evanesence singers: tamia, boyzIImen
TWO OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT THE MOMENT: your song, last chance
TWO PERSONS YOU SPEND TIME WITH THE MOST: my parents
TWO OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES: performing, hanging out
TWO THINGS YOU WANT TO REALLY BUY RIGHT NOW: shoes and clothes
TWO CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING: being a pediatrician and a stage actress
TWO PLACES YOU WOULD GO ON VACATION: europe and somewhere around the caribbean
TWO OF YOUR FAVORITE PERSONS: my sis and my cuz
TWO THINGS YOU DID YESTERDAY: watched a movie, ate out with my family
TWO PERSONS THAT YOU MISS A LOT: faith and my cuz
TWO FOODS THAT YOU'RE CRAVING FOR: pasta and a chicken caesar salad
TWO FAVORITE SUBJECTS IN HS/COLLEGE: highschool: english and elective [dramatics] college: [so far...] psychology and theology Ü
TWO OF YOUR FUNNIEST MEMORIES IN HIGH SCHOOL: 1. playing heart attack with my barx at the hidden part of the top bleachers[poolside] inside the gym during the marian camp-in hullabaloo, 2. chill moments and joke times with the barx
TWO PERSONS THAT COME TO YOUR MIND NOW: my prince and lolo's grandson
TWO ELEMENTARY FRIENDS YOU'D LIKE TO SEE RIGHT NOW: rachelle arzadon and melo villanueva
TWO COLORS YOU LIKE: purple and black
TWO HIGH SCHOOL FRIENDS YOU WANT TO TALK TO: faith and jen

back in white action

oh yes. enrollment day. i again endured the melting heat of the sun while walking around my school. new faces. old faces. new discoveries. slight delight for unlost causes.

i just want to say that my schedule is sooo not nice. get this:

mondays & fridays: 2pm - 5pm
wednesdays: 9am - 5pm
tuesdays & thursdays: 10am - 7pm

i don't like it at all. i don't like going to school in the afternoon. aww, man. this sucks.

well, at least one thing's good about this: football.

or at least i think so. anyways, i hope i do okay with this. oh well.

6 Part Survey: 1 & 2

PART ONE

survey 1: cellphone
1. globe, smart or sun? - globe
2. line or prepaid? - line
3. nokia ka ba? kung hinde, ano? - nokia
4. nakailang cell ka na? - 8
5.anong unit ng phone mo? - 1100 and 7110
6. anong best feature/s ng phone mo? - flashlight and superbig memory
7. nahulog mo na ba phone mo? - oh yes
8. anong color ng cell mo? - blue&white
9. ano ba gusto mong phone? - madami. hahaÜ

PART TWO
survey 2: personal
1. whats ur name? - jaimie
2. where do u live? - quezon city
3. how old are you? - 19
4. nicknames? - jaimie, jai, jaim, jaims, jamay, sis, cinderella, jaimiegirl, jmi, mommy, nanay, et al.
5. birthday mo? - 260286

bring in the noise

1.Song playing at the moment? - the song of raindrops falling on the roof
2.One reason for living? - bringing goodness to the world [naks!]
3.Do u think your partner is sexy? - i don't have a partner right now. wah. haha
4.Ever donated blood? - never
5.Fav color? - lavender
6.Accessories you usually wear? - earrings, watch, bracelet, necklace [not anymore, though. earrings and a watch nalang. haha]
7.One song to describe a heartbreak in the past? - smile by tamia
8.Last place you went? - rizal sports commission [huh?]
9.Last person who disappointed you? - cuz dear
10.The most boring sport? - i don't really know
11.Ever had a baby? - never, man.
12.The funniest movie you watched in the past week? - i didn't watch anything this week
13.The most romantic gift? - love [naks!]
14.Sang on stage before? - of course
16.Struck by lightning before? - never
17.Danced with your loved one before? - yea
18.Ever wished you could turn back time? - a few times before
19.What would you do if you woke up one day to find yourself to be someone from the opposite sex? - freak out muna, then breathe hahaÜ
20.One song that's meaningful to you? - spend my life with you- tamia and eric benet
21.Last person you met? - florence
22.What will you be doing tomorrow? - dancing
23.Who's your favorite F4 member? - vanness wu Ü
24.One thing you totally regretted doing? - basta.
26.What was the last game you played on the computer? - spider solitaire
27.Someone who means a lot to you at the moment? - secret
28.The color of your mobile phone? - blue and white
29. Do you hate someone at the moment? - haha yes
30. What do you wish to happen now? - haaay...

ako? makata?

1. Pinakagusto mong tawag sayo?= jai, jaims, jaimie

2. Latest addiction?= training.Ü

3. Pinakagusto mong gawin?= magperform. sumayaw, kumanta, umakting. san ka pa?

4. Ano ang mga leisure plans mo within this year?= wala pa naman sa ngayon. sana'y maupad muna ang aking mga ninanais bago ako makakilos ng malaya.

5. Meron ka bang crush ngayon?= naman.

6. Food na gusto mong kainin ngayon?= chicken caesar salad ng kfc [sarap...]

7. Kalokohang ginawa ngayong linggo?= nagpalipat-lipat ng inaasikaso at iniisip na obligasyon. patay na.

8. Last Song Syndrome (LSS) mo ngayon?= i don't wanna know ni mario winans

9. Unforgettable teacher / prof?= si binibining lorlina pamintuan. hay buhay.

10. Fave street food?= fishballs!!!Ü

11.fave childhood game?= patintero, agawan base, or pepsi-7up

12.Natatandaan mo pa ba ang panaginip mo kagabi?= nalulungkot akong sabihing hindi ako nanaginip kagabi.

13.Natatandaan mo pa ba ang pangalan ng pinaka-una mong crush?= oo naman. at sikretong malupit ko na iyon.

14.Time na sobrang nastress ka?= noong preparasyon ng aking ikalabingwalong kaarawan.

15. Kung magiging cast ka ng isang show/ teleserye/ anime, ano un?= hindi ko matanto sa ngayon, ngunit huwag lamang talaga anime. utang na loob.

16.Paggising mo, sino ang gusto mong makitang katabi mo?= hay. sikreto ko na ulit iyon.

17. Ang babae ay *physically* attractive kapag..= malinis, may dating, at kapag maganda ang mata at ngiti.

18.Pinakagustong movie mo na kung saan kasama ang pinakagusto mong artista?= malamang ay center stage at love actually. aywan ko kung bakit.

19.Favorite line (from a song,movie,poem,etc?)= song: "...i'm a little bit of all, oh i need a clue... just a little bit of you... and i will fall... [a little bit, mymp]" movie: "you can't lose something you never had. [kate hudson, how to lose a guy in 10 days]" poem: "break the warmth i once lived for, i've shut my heart, i don't want more... [secret and secretÜ]"

20.Laging paalala ng mga magulang mo na lagi mo namang hindi sinusunod?= matulog na agad. hahaha

21.Anong masasabi mo sa huling movie na napanood mo?= [sa sinehan] napakaganda. mahal ko si hayden christensen. [sa bahay] ang husay ni vanessa williams. palakpak.

22.Kung may isang bagay kang sasabihin sa sarili mo, ano un?= never say never, don't give up on this. fight 'till the very end.

boredom. puh.

1.1st primary school:~* montessori children's house, panay avenue
2. 1st time u tried smoking?~* age 4? was really curious because my tita kept on smoking. eww. barfed it all out after.
3. 1st alcoholic drink u had?~* hmmm... its not even alcoholic. red wine.
4. 1st time u entered a bar:~* i don't remember. must be with my brothers or something.
5. 1st award u received:~* i don't remember
7. 1st time u were sent to the principal for disciplinary action?~* never happened.
8. 1st big crush!~* wah. never mind. [wink, wink!]
9. 1st kiss~* never mind again. no 'wink wink' this time.
10.1st record u bought:~* methinks it was a cassette tape of some popular band before pa
11. 1st musical instrument u learned to play:~* the piano
12 1st concert u watched:~* smokey mountain? haha old school!
14. first tv shows you really liked?~* gem/ jem (and the misfits) [the barbie show]
15.1st book u bought:~* nursery rhymes book! haha
16.1st sport u played:~* swimming :)
17.1st terrible fight:~* i don't remember
18. 1st best friend:~* my cousins, chim and candy
19. 1st friend's wedding u've attended?~* none yet
20. 1st person who greeted u on your last birthday:~* must be ac or rona.Ü
21. 1st collection~* stickers and stationery
22. 1st time u saw a ghost:~* never saw one
23. 1st roller coaster ride:~* a few years ago, space shuttle, enchanted
24. 1st ambition:~* i don't know. must be to be a singer or something
25. 1st job:~* video store person
26. 1st thing u bought with your 1st salary:~* i never got paid. it was my parents' business.
27. 1st thing u wanna get right now:~* rest.
28. 1st thing u wanna do at this time?~* shower [again.]
29. 1st person u hated?~* i don't remember
30. 1st person u wanna slap right now?~* hmmm... it is yet to be discovered. [shush.]

One Year Later

oh man.

i just realized that today's date was one of the most magical moments of my life last year. oh man, oh man, oh man. why did i have to remember it??? if only i didn't browse my blog's archives... ooh, i suck. grr.

okay, so, i am slowly losing track of everything again. darn it. i hate it when this happens.

focus, jai. FOCUS.

oh yes, i'm a little unwell. oh my. oh my. oh my.

exact time. exact moment. exact everything... almost.

Your Song

one of the songs i love...

YOUR SONG

it took one look

then forever lay out in front of me

one smile then i died

only to be revived by you

there i was thought i had everything figured out

goes to show just how much i know about the way life plays out

i take one step away

then i find myself coming back to you

my one and only

one and only you

now i know

that i know not a thing at all

except the fact that i am yours

and that you are mine

oh, and they told me that this wouldn't be easy

and though i'm not one to complain

i take one step away

then i find myself coming back to you

my one and only

one and only

i take one step away

then i find myself coming back to you

my one and only

one and only you

back from outer space

yesterday was... never mind.

chitchat with those who mattered, small talk with those who really don't. and i again found out that people still love talking about yours truly. oh well. like i'm not used to it yet. whatever.

tita irene just left for greener pastures, i hope. i miss her a lot, though. not only because she's so nice to me, but also because she's another person i can talk to about different things. and i know that a lot of people are sad now because she's gone. oh well.

darna just got back from lagoona with [guess what?] no credits. [oops, i should've said without nalang. hahahaÜ] oh well. another thing i'm used to na. :p

i just discovered cappuccino mcflurry. weow.Ü it's about time they did something okay with the mcflurry after getting the m&m kind out of the market. oh well [again].

my amygdala is currently hijacked... so bad. i have runthru for my recital and another class tomorrow[in a different location]. same time, after lunch. i soooo want to divide myself in two parts now. grrr. runthru's in mandaluyong, the other class is somewhere in rizal. yes, both ends of my life. grr. both are equally important, but... haaaaaah! i just don't know.

oh well.

i'm starting to think that my stint as wonderwoman is about to end. although i again have regained some of the hope i once dreamed of having, still, i really don't know what to think. is this stress? i hope not. grrr. i suck.

nothing else to do but practice, rest, and be ready for anything.

i know i am.

i soo hope i'm thinking sane.

bloody day

what a day.

i wanted the title of this entry to literally convey what happened to yours truly today.

oh yes, it was a hell of a bloody day. yes, i lost some of my most precious type o blood again to a blasted syringe. of course, the battle for retaliation was won by the freaking needle, and i was left with a long piece of rubber something clutching the remains of my left strong arm.

alas, the jelly arm.

tried cotton and leukoplast to make the tiny pricked part "germ free," [or at least temporarily protected] but to no avail. eventually had to take it out, because not only did it become irritating, it also felt so restraining. oh well. no one lives a healthy life without germs anyways. so, jai, shaddup and get more iron. hahaha.

i am happy to say that i will have a very busy[-er?] day tomorrow. i don't know why i'm happy about it, but i am. i have to traverse the roads of might have been again. the head-aching and patience-testing traffic will again present itself to moi.

inhale. exhale. inhale. exhale.

what else can i do? i hope i don't miss class tomorrow.

oh well.

a lull in time

it's hella embarrassing to admit that i was bawling my eyes out for most of star wars III. as much as i'd hate to admit it, yes, i cried for anakin skywalker's fate. give me a break, okay? i'm still pretty annoyed he's a sith lord now.

oh well.

i had a great time at pictorials yesterday morning.Ü although it seemed like we were a part of the mickey mouse club in the last costume we fitted, it was kind of okay... at least we didn't have a dull time. and the maroon costume, my goodness. prom girls or drab muslim ladies-in-waiting? i can't really tell the difference with what we'll wear. oh well again. at least we're all wearing it. hah.

i watched my former dance teacher's company's recital yesterday after pictorials. all the kids were adorable, especially those in the hawaiian class (okay, so my mom taught them, but they're all look sooo sweet!Ü). the hiphop kids were amazing, too, and their smiles were really infectuous. i can't help smiling my behnd off and bopping my head to the beat. hohoho. and i saw my other teacher there. coolness.Ü

bad news on the loose again. i hate it when i always get to talk about bad news. but eventhough i can't stand talking about it, it's everywhere. grr.

this blasted computer's driving me nuts again! grrr!!!

sleepless...

i spent the entire day alone in my house. oh yes, poor me. what's really sucky is that i had to be really, really on my toes because everything was getting busier and more annoying by the minute (and have i mentioned MORE ANNOYING?). the phone was ringing off the hook, and i hated it, cz most of the calls weren't for me... and if ever they were, the conversation were sooo short i almost forgot what we talked about right after i put down the receiver. wah.

because of the extremely unsettling circumstance, i sought refuge from the internet-- to no avail. i bored myself even more by completing the final season of FRIENDS i haven't watched for the nth time yet. that was my final attempt to keep myself up until other people shall grace this abode. but ho-ho-ho, as expected, my falling eyelids have once again failed me. i drifted off to dreamland just as rachel was about to get to ross before his wedding. oh joy. i missed the best part. oh well. next time.

it's quite a surprise when someone unexpected calls, huh? duh. well, so someone unexpected called me a few hours ago. and it was freakishly "anubuh," cz when i said 'wait,' she put down the phone. talk about misunderstanding. grr. annoying.

i'm kind of starting to miss the days that were... hmmm. oh well. at least having had a glimpse of it made me feel a little okay. i never want to really go back to those times, though... for some reason, i like getting tired this way more. and i feel more accomplished. hahaÜ although, the things i do now doesn't make me let loose as much. oh well. it's still all about the math.

i feel my brother's gonna be out long tonight... probably gallavanting with his friends right now, as chandler would say (uh-oh... too much FRIENDS???). which means, i get to use the computer a little longer. (sigh.)

a lifelong drama

i just realized that the blog name i used in my alternate blog is TOO old. i have been stuck with the phrase for as long as i can remember. oh well. times have changed. so have i. and a lot of other things.

it's time to move on.

dear darna has just left for subic and i am still stuck at home, waiting for a miracle to shine its mighty powers upon me. how utterly depressing my present situation is.

watching four seasons of FRIENDS straight and a couple other movies didn't help either. i hate that my eyes were the only mini-parts of my body constantly moving all day. i'm such a bum.

beep beep BEEP. please. somebody get me out of this house or i'll rot in solitude and excessive dramatic demarcation of all i have left in me.

i now name myself the biggest freak in the land. my mindless ramblings of all i have to do to keep my sanity intact seem to be driving nuts everyone sorry enough to hear me. oh joy. next thing i know, i'll be waking up next to an overflowing dumpster late at night in an alley in the middle of nowhere. i hope not.

where's that storm when i need it? at least let something happen to keep me from writhing in pain from this involuntary internal torture i am currently in. whoa.

oh man. this is going to be a long day.

my stars say it all

The Bottom Line:
Call in your pit crew if a big issue crops up. Ask the experts for their opinion.

In Detail:
You've never been afraid to put some distance between you and a problem that just won't be solved. You don't do it often, but when you've tried your best for a long time and not gotten anywhere, you're smart enough to know that a change of scenery can work wonders. So now that you've decided you're jee-ust about done putting all your energy into what's beginning to look like a no-win situation, isn't it time for a trip? Just a quick one?

i don't think so.

as far as i know, going back's REALLY going to be different, but i don't care. i won't flake out on this. just this once. one last time.

so much for my lucky stars.

anubuh.

you know what my japanese name is? Misako Ito. my goodness. hay saws.

http://www.blogthings.co/japanesenamegenerator/

wow mexico! Doña Elodia

http://www.blogthings.com/mexicannamegenerator/


i'm so bored.

my sad stars

because i am currently stuck in my house NOT watching the movie i love in many of my lives, my sad stars are wandering the depths of the web, trying to calm themselves of the catastrophe that is solitude.

no wonder i feel so lost now. harharharÜ

What is Your Star Wars Horoscope?

Star Wars Horoscope for Pisces

A typical Pisces, you have your head in the clouds.You're self-sacrificing and a bit too passive to stand up to the dark side.You become fairly pessimistic when put under pressure.You are a chameleon - wanting to change your scenery on occassion.

Star wars character you are most like: Lando

http://www.blogthings.com/starwarshoroscopes/

oh, how cool is this?

sorry. i'm such a freak.

Your Star Wars Name and Title

Your Star Wars Name: Jaimo Otque

Your Star Wars Title: Acivan of Aneek

http://www.blogthings.com/starwarsname/

17:04

[background music: negative things -selwyn]

conversations with the insane have brought me back to earth.Ü although i will always be scared of next week's agenda, i will still go. the sudsy conversation i will soon get to have with the baller is kind of getting me freaked about this whole endeavor starting next week. i would soo like to say that i don't care at all, but i still can't help it. i still have to constantly be careful of all i do. oh my.

of course, the other concerns will be unwelcome as soon as next semester starts, but, being the freak that i am, i will still be a dear and go on with the battles i want to take part in. for the love of things, i won't care if i become wonderwoman again. at least i did it.

i was greeted by the guardia civil last night as i was getting ready to go home. i didn't know news got to THEM. and so i will do better. yes, tita, i won't screw up my life.

no second thoughts.

ohkaay.

how quaint.

Your Irish Name Is...

Eimear Connolly

What's your Irish Name?

brain gender???

so this is what brain gender means...

Your Brain is 73.33% Female, 26.67% Male

Your brain leans female
You think with your heart, not your head
Sweet and considerate, you are a giver
But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!

What Gender Is Your Brain?

http://www.blogthings.com/genderbrainquiz/

kikay invasion

i am not alone.

bellas in the house. labanderas. beach babes. whatevah.

yeayeayea.Ü

diamonds are a girl's best friend. wahahaÜ

wahahaaah.

happy birthday to the 18 year old (i think) racer in the depths of filinvest 1. wah. goodluck, man.

darna lost her bato again. laos.

jopay and the gang

"kumusta ka na?"

hmmm...

today was slow-paced, actually. since this morning, i have been thinking of all the crap that will pass me by. i had a stroke of luck when i got to school and met with darna (only in a superman costume this time).

weow, king b, how utterly lazy. thanks for the unprinted mush. you made our unwanted trip to school REALLY worthwhile.

coolness.

i startled dear friend a while ago. ipod listening is useless. i almost got flipped over though, if i didn't show my face at once. who would've thought this girl knew taekwondo? a ballet and taekwondo girl? plus softball and soccer is scary. you surf, mahn?!?! how extreme of you, dear. well, good thing you didn't get to crack most of my bones this afternoon. that would've been neat. harharhar.

starting point: my blue gate.

i traversed most of quezon city from around 6:30 pm with a laos superhero who forgot her bato. a downpour was predicted, but, being the good girl that i am, i barged out of the house without an umbrella (wrong move #1). as soon as we got to ride a jeep, the expected rain began to pour. my goodness, did we get all soggy.

2nd station: kfc cubao

we got off the jeep though the sky was about to fall down on us. puddles were ran over, and strings were in the way as all hell broke loose. and we ran. for our lives. manong guard was not very helpful as well, because all he did was laugh at how gorgeous we looked. do not pass go. do not pick up chicken box of 6. emily was tortured, stuffed, and given a bath after this. due to underestimated circumstances, we involuntarily staked out at dear colonel's place. soggy and pathetic. what a combination.

after one million years and a lot of textmates, a family will starve because of the current situation. it was either we die and the pack gets to eat, or we live and the pack starves. we chose option #1.

3rd station: shoemart cubao

at last. shelter. we made it through the rain. hahaha.

4th station: shopwise

we made it. halfway there.

5th station: araneta circle

gateway in focus!!! hallelujah! we're alive!!!

6th station: farmer's plaza

a few more strides, and the game will be over. on to the finish line!!!

7th station: our places

how cool. the family's all set, the three-way is resurrected, and we're both tired.

hello, jopay.

mayonnaise is on tomorrow. dulce, you better be there. :p mangoes in waiting, cool cool, cool.

i love my life.

a lasting memory for the uberlybittersweet day. thank you all.

confessions and bad luck

recent events have made me feel sorry for myself even more. no matter how hard i try to be happy in everything i do, every sad memory of what there was creeps its way back into my mind. although this is a normal thing for me, i still keep thinking that this might be really unusual, primarily because nothing seems to make me clear my head of all that bull.

i just heard from a friend that the end is near. well, actually, i know the end is near. the end of my sanity is fast approaching as well. with all that's happening, i'm almost regretting the day i was ONLY almost run over by the buses, cars, and jeeps that dominated most of aurora boulevard.

have you ever heard people saying that "love is in the air?" well, actually, to put it in my situation, luck is in the air. and i don't mean good.

everything seems to be crashing down on me, and i am left paralyzed and weak. some say that this may be a prelude to something greater, or that these things are just trials i have to go through... but... i don't know. am i just being pessimistic about everything, or are things really on their way to hell? even i'm getting confused.

oh well. i pretty much can't do anything about it now anyway, so i guess i'll just have to wait until things get better. well, i hope they get better soon, because if not, i might not be able to take it very well. so please.

i woke up a little past 5 this morning. my responsibilities are done, and i still torture my body with waking up that early? i don't know why, i guess it's the body clock still working. i wonder, when will that cease to exist for the summer? i'm at least entitled to a few more hours of sleep.

after a text to the sawi and a few other messages from my best friend, i was almost falling asleep when my dad barged into my room, telling me i had a phone call. great. i answered the phone groggy like crazy, and i instantly fell asleep after. i was actually stopping my eyelids from closing while talking to the superhero, but good, she wanted to sleep also. harharharÜ

what's my point? i forgot again...

oh, ok... so as soon as i fell asleep, i had the weirdest dream. it was a showcase of all my friends lost and in hiding, and what's worse, it was set right in my living room. what makes it freakier is that most of the people i didn't want to see or even hear from were there, and in the dream, it was like we were so close and we missed each other so much.

ohkaaaaaaaaayyy...

eew, eew, eew.

never mind. i have to go reclaim my dignity.

The Keys To My Heart

what does this mean???

The Keys to Your Heart

***You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.
***In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.
***You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.
***You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.
***Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets
***Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
***You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.
***In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

i'm so confused. i actually have to prioritize something first, but thoughts are seemingly just pouring into my mind. well, what a great start to a very lazy day. there's nothing i can do in this house except watch dvds and use the computer. and don't get me started on the unending queue of dvds that i've already checked out because of this uncompromising ending to my bittersweet summer.

oh well. there's still tomorrow. but still. hmph

Livin' It Up II

someone says i don't have the heart for what i'm doing. somebody please clear things up for me... how do i get the heart for something? i mean, i totally love what i'm indulging myself in, but it seems as if all my attempts aren't enough. i wouldn't want to quit on something i've started to love doing even more. though everything will be a drag once i get my answer, i don't care. i want to make myself feel better. i will.

no tears. no time to cry. i'm just making the most of life.

no matter who i'm going to end up being with in this, i'm going on with everything. to hell with all prejudice. i'm in this for the long haul.

someone once told me: "try and try until you die. if you die, well, AT LEAST YOU TRIED."

i almost became a victim of the headline of every paper yesterday. for some reason, my sense of clarity left my mind the minute i woke up. i have just realized that at this point in one's life, travelling alone is a problem. you will never get the order of the universe. in the greater scheme of things, you will FOREVER be lost. so companions will be your best friends once you're in this zone.

how i wish i was with someone yesterday morning. i almost got killed.

Livin' It Up

just makin' the most of life...

no stress... no tears... just leavin' it all behind.

frequency equals endurance. sweat equals gain. smile equals a winner.

whatever happens, i'll be back. i'm not about to give up now. this is what i want to do, and i won't stop doing it because of a primary mishap. i will be better. and to hell with my uberly-twisted veins.

If an eye is for an eye... Then an egg is for a saint. ;)

mysterio ng kalawakan

dahil hindi lingid sa aking kaalamang nalulungkot pa rin ang superhero, kinakailangang maghandog ng kaunting mga talata para sa kanya.

PARA SAYOW: sadly, though, we all MUST face defeat in a time or another. as much as we'd all hate to admit it, learning to go on in living with the rest of our sanities will be the last road we will have to take. hard, yes. but that's the one thing that will keep us going.

tomorrow may be a far cry from the dream you once had, but keep in mind that there will still be answers for the crap you're in now. continuously looking for means of taking back one's freedom is not easy, so it is only proper for us to keep our cool and wait. you will have your time.

the mystery will be back, but in its own time. no matter how much the untouchables all keep you away from it, if YOU really want it to be that way, it will be that way. your decision is the last thing those crackpots can take away from you.

stars will always be in heaven, and the people in those stars will never cease to shine in your life. so losing grip is not an option. after all, you are your own enemy.

goodluck.

DOMESDAY I

death by walking.

cool.

today was okay, but the announcement of the extraordinary is keeping everyone on their toes. nobody wants to go home. everyone wants to cry.

nothing can ever prepare me for what will happen to me for the rest of today. i want to scream, but i can't. i want to go out and party, but i can't. i want to sleep, but i can't. i want to die, but i'm still alive.

double quote: "ika nga ni tor, 'eh what's for us?'" kuyaÜ

hay. if it's not for you, it's not for you.

how true, how true.

but still, I CAN BACK WALK NOW!!!!! hurrah for jaims!!!ÜÜÜ

many thanks to ate paula, kuya marvin, kuya ian, kuya edz, and the rest of the happy people. thanksthanksthanks.Ü you are uberloved.ÜÜÜ

viva santo tomas!Ü

ruff-ruff.

[Whatever comes into your mind first.]

1. pen- pilot green/purple signpen

2. paper- roses

3. school- "let's go st.paul [clap,clap,clap,clap]"

4. holiday- inn

5. pillow- sleep deprived moi

6. ice cream- monster

7. fast food- swatch [go figure]

8. song- 'livin' it up' yata yun... basta mariah

9. gimik- bye-bye

10. dog- ni reza

11. ex- convict

12. turtle- 'pawikan' ni cha

12. pool- chlorine

13. billiards- hay saws!

14. country- waffles

15. true friend- sis ko

16. hate- OC

17. life- "---is a bitch, so let's kick her in the ass."

18. cellphone- flashlight

19. bed- rest and relaxation

20. ring- sadako

22. blue- the Ateneo

23. orange- kupal

24. purple- sentidude

25. pink- pre-sane moi

26. green- spcp [and gold]

27. teacher- finals

28. subject- trig

29. game- na

30. tambayan- catwalk

31. cigar- isko

32. powerpuff girls- oversized. basta.

33. power- tiger power

34. love- lots

35. dream - "life is but a dream."

trinket festival

the upcoming grandeur of the 12th has brought to my alternate universe the frenzy of searching my world of beads, glitter, and colorful and decorative paraphernalia.

weow.

happy anniversary, dears.Ü

pinoy pop superstar seems to be showing itself to yours truly everywhere i go. and the people around me are going nuts over it. okay, i know it's a good competition naman, but then, i'm a little too informed about it already. so... stop.Ü

i again am beginning to love ashton kutcher. thank heavens he isn't in a stupid role in 'guess who?' [oops, branding?Ü] i just looooove him here.Ü at last, he doesn't have to play dumb to make himself endearing. too much of that already. move on, man. am glad he did.Ü

a round of applause for that.Ü

coolness.Ü

abaabaaba, some person's starting to get into my nerves... again. i had to find out about what that person did just when i was writing about the good day i just had. boo you. never again. you make me puke. eww. you think you're all that, BUT YOU'RE NOT.

look at yourself again in the mirror, man. i know how vain you are, but you're not how you think you are. try living in the real world. GET. A. CLUE.

YOU'RE. NOT. IT.

you make me hate your world even more. grr.

interesting.

hmmm...Ü

right now ur feelin>>>> lazy

because>>>> i don't have much to do.

last thing you did before filling this out>>>> updated my other blog

because>>>> i wanted to update my other blog.

the time you woke up today was>>>> 0530am

because>>>> i overslept and snoozed away when the 4am alarm came off.

the last thing you bought was>>>> mocha-filled biscuits. yesterday.

because>>>> it looked yummy on the shelf.

the last thing you did at school was>>>> had the notes of the last trig lecture photocopied

because>>>> i was busy doing the seatwork then, and i thought, "screw the notes."

the restaurant you hate most is>>>> i'd rather not say

because>>>> there are too many names i want to mention.

the song you'd probably still like until the day you die is?>>>> last chance

because>>>> it reminds me so much of all that's happened to me, and all the crappy and beauteous memories of the prime (so far) of my life.

your plans for the weekend are>>>> practice, practice, practice, torture, torture, torture.

because>>>> i just love getting my booty tired.

the last time you got really frustrated was>>>> a while ago, in math class.

because>>>> an uncompromising adult is on the loose. 'nuff said.

the last time you watched cartoons was>>>> i don't remember

because>>>> i don't watch t.v. anymore.

the last time you took a swim was>>>> last month, as far as i can remember.

because>>>> i don't remember why.

the time you'll be sleeping today is>>> really early.

because>>>> because i want to.

one thing that crossed your mind now>>>> auds.

because>>>> of pressure, pain, and torture.

one thing you want to tell that special sum1>>>> so much to say, so little time.

because>>>> that's how i feel.

get busy

R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

thanksthanks ate paula, kuya ajjie, kuya chris, ate 'jam', ate 'purrdy girl', kuya 'rok', kuya paolo, gymnast girl, jerwin, ate 'ice', astig 'ate' spot person, ate rachelle, ate berna, ate 'peytot', ate 'tarush, but no', guadalupe guy, snob birthmark girl, jasmine, dino, anjelica, cha, ivy, blessie, green-shirted girl, tin, ballet girl, madel, rachelle, diane. [kuya renz, i miss you. primary thanks to you.Ü] et al...

peace.

you will be uberloved.

lose my breath

can you keep up?


whoops... sorry... 'can i keep up?' pala.

hayhayhay.

today wasn't as tiring as my other death days.

and i hate it.

i think i need to torture myself more to make myself feel worthy of what i'm getting myself into in a few days. rarr. i can't even do a decent ---------.

front roll. tuck, pike (?), straddle. tuck, pike (?), straddle. so far so good. back roll. tuck, pike (?), straddle. tuck, pike (?), straddle... okay... cartwheels R and L...oh man... one hand right... running, one hand right... one hand left... running, one hand left... round off right... left... running round off right... left... practice... practice... practice... hand stand... help!!! head stand... tsk, tsk... balance... hand stand walk... spot please... 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8! down... recover... bridge walk... ouch... long sitting... front walk... whew... oops... hand stand... look up! bridge... recover... arms straight! smile. aaaaaaaahh...Ü back walk... backbend... swing... one, two, three, kick!!! oh man... again... aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!! i suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckkkk big time!!!!!

help, help, heeeeeeeeeeeeelppp...

so...

CAN I KEEP UP??? :'c

tick-tock.

i have to be asleep in a few minutes... but i can't help typing one last entry.

weee.

i was watching star wars 2 a while ago, and when i got to the part where obi-wan was tracking down jango and boba fett, i had to turn off the machine already. why? because my eyelids were slowly closing already, that's why.

and now i'm still staring at this screen.

oh well.

i wonder what will happen tomorrow? hmmm. reach out. sense the force around you. use your feelings you must. hmmm.

dangerous and disturbing this puzzle is. hmmm.

but who and why, harder to answer. meditate on this i will.

hmmm.

master yoda is an inspiration. yay.

funny, my parents aren't home yet. where could they have possibly gone?

i'm going to be a brat and whine: i want another rest day. another massage. a cold shower every 3 hours. i want to eat tuna and tomatoes tomorrow. i want my phone's battery to be drained RIGHT NOW!!! more hours of chill time. and everything else that goes with it. ooh-wee.

my brother's coming back from baguio tomorrow. byebye late nights of typing. hello to a good night's sleep. harharhar.Ü

and, speaking of which... if you'll excuse me, i will retire.Ü

SUNday

okay, the sun is literally getting on my nerves (yes, a very hard to reach place.). its almost 3am, and it's STILL so hot!!!

my supplies have been refreshed again, thank God.Ü the sheer pleasure and total enjoyment of browsing the watson's stalls for my necessities make everything seem therapeutic. yay.Ü

the queued activities dear julieta proposed will probably evaporate one by one in the very near future... as i am again awaiting one of my deaths, going out will probably be a problem. and not on THAT day. hell no. so... as early as now, wave goodbye to the reggae night, ukay trips, and endless chat-slash-bonding hours.

a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

crap, i can't sleep. again. the massage didn't help much either. well, maybe for a few hours... but, other than that, ho-humm...

what to do, what to do?

rarr.

multiple madness

at last, after millions of light years, i again have resurrected.

the ongoing bodily torture i voluntarily throw myself into leave me paralyzed and dead to the world as early as 5 in the afternoon. wow. and i never thought sleep would feel THAT good.

well, we all learn something new.

anyways, i don't care. i love what i'm doing. i just hope my underworked ass does not give up on me. to the moon and back!!! yeayeayea!!!

my not-so-new friend turned things inside out for me. through the exaggerated happenings of the past week, all hail the new "day". (it's dai, people.) let's all live in a submarine!!!

yahoo.Ü

"...i don't know... i'm having fun, i guess. i mean, i know how people see me, like, one of those perfect girls that everything works out for... i just always wanted to punch one of them on the face... i'm not a robot, you know, i just haven't done very much... yet."
- Anna Ross (The Perfect Score)

how true, how true.

wherever you are

"ei cuz, how's life? lapit n death anniv. 6days to go.. hehec:"

as much as i'd hate thinking about last years disasters, i always seem to be reminded of EVERYTHING. thank you dear friends and family members, you never fail to FLARE UP my day.

paying my last respects

i again have been plunged into a whole week of mourning.

ahem.

prayers and companionship may ease the pain of losing someone, but it wouldn't help that much. the changes and adaptation to these will leave a person gagging for breath and pleading for personal undoing. may you rest in peace tito. we're all praying for you.

Freudian tendencies

it still sucks to think that you can't help these things.

in the process of calling cuz dear, i almost dialled :another person's: home number... it sucks like hell, i tell you. i got to punch in the first three digits of the set before i actually realized i'm not supposed to call that certain :person:.

amidst my silent reveries of Macondo and the life that was of the Buendias, i am pulled back to earth by my mom's knocking on my wall. [yes, my wall.] apparently i was in for an interrogation. and so my dad's bitterness to my partying shone through. ah, the smell of defeat.

and the jubilation of my descendants.

sweet, sweet triumph.

got to reconnect with a long-gone friend just now. i can't explain what i want to do with this newfound communication, but whatever.

QUERY: why's it that the person i'm supposed to be with is such an issue to everyone? man, i don't even think about it. but why do i get freakish reactions whenever i say something remotely related to love? as much as i'd hate to admit it, some people can just be so darn judgmental and immature. please get yourselves a life, in case you don't know how to use your present one. and please, don't meddle with mine.

"but what's the matter with gravity? why won't it make you fall for me?"

***bet that'll be greeted with questions.Ü

i'll stop the world and melt with you

even the shortest messages count, you know.

i faced the end of classes the lousiest way i could, not caring at all what happened next. i guess it was because of the pressure of summer, or the coldness of my world. i refused to succumb to my inner desires of being the positive person i usually am because i hated how i felt at that time.

even the tearjerking episode of goodbyes and final bondings didn't fill me with enough emotions to make me pass for a normal human being.

i didn't know what was wrong with me.

i had no reason whatsoever, i just shut out my world.

but now, i'm starting to see the light.

recent discoveries have pulled me back to my astral plane. i'm suddenly all giddy and i can't stop smiling. must be because of the completing factor of my beautiful existence--- church bells.

***binigyang-linaw ang aking pag-iisip ng namumukodtanging kampana sa aking mundo. ngayon ay naiintindihan ko na ang sakit na nuong simula pa lamang ay naramdaman ko. handa na akong bumangon muli at humarap sa kalawakan. natanto ko na ang kabuuan ng aking kaligayahan.***

now i feel complete.Ü

corrections and/or additions...

[i think and type what i think too fast that i don't have enough time to correct myself. ]

***you should've told me, you know.

the MH that i am...

i am such a jerk.

if it was only a plan to get close to my friend, why even bother to include me in it? now i feel so much more used. all it takes is a short statement, and i'm out of your way. you should've tol me, you know. if you want to know her better, leave me out of it. don't invite me, making me feel as if i matter to whatever you'll be doing. just get on with what you're originally planning.

i keep on repeating everything, but i don't care. if i'm not needed, don't include me. i'm in so much more crap, the last thing i need is for me to become another pity friend.

cut the crap please and just be darn honest.

and to think you ALSO said i had nothing to worry about.

yeah, right.

i miss you

another B.E.A.-utiful song...

Thought I heard your voice yesterday

When I turned around to say

That I loved you baby

I realize, it was just my mind

Playing tricks on me

And it seems colder lately at night

And I try to sleep with the lights on

Every time the phone rings

I pray to God it's you

And I just can't believe

That we're through

I miss you

There's no other way to say it

And I can't deny it

I miss you

It's so easy to see

I miss you and me

Is it turning over this time

Have we really changed our minds about each other's love

All the feelings that we used to share

I refuse to believe

That you don't care

I miss you

There's no other way to say it

And I, and I can't deny it

I miss you

It's so easy to see

I miss you and me

I've got to gather myself as together

I've been through worst kinds of weather

If it's over now

Then I'll be strong

Can't believe that you're gone

I've got to carry over

I miss you

There's no other way to say it

And I, and I can't deny it

I miss you

It's so easy to see

I miss you and me

Oh there's no other way to say it

I can't deny it

I miss you baby

It's so easy to see

I miss you and me

Oh no other way to say it

I miss you baby

There's no other

That you're deprived of me now

That you're deprived of me now

I miss you

Said I can't deny it

I, I, I, I miss you baby

It's so easy to see

I miss you and me

-jai080305

The End of the Road

Girl you know we belong together

I have no time for you to be playing

With my heart like this

You'll be mine forever baby, you just see

We belong together

And you that I'm right

Why do you play with my heart,

Why do you play with my mind?

Said we'd be forever

Said it'd never die

How could you love me and leave me

And never say good-bye?

When I can't sleep at night without holding you tight

Girl, each time I try I just break down and cry

Pain in my head oh I'd rather be dead

Spinnin' around and around

[Chorus:]

Although we've come to the End Of The Road

Still I can't let you go

It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you

Come to the End of the Road

Still I can't let you go

It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you

Girl, I know you really love me,

You just don't realize

You've never been there before

It's only your first time

Maybe I'll forgive you, hmm

Maybe you'll try

We should be happy together

Forever, you and I

Can you love me again like you loved me before

This time I want you to love me much more

This time instead just come to my bed

And baby just don't let me, don't let me down

[Chorus]

Girl I'm here for you

All those times of night when you just hurt me

And just run out with that other fella

Baby I knew about it,

I just didn't care

You just don't understand how much I love you do you?

I'm here for you

I'm not out to go out and cheat on you all night

Just like you did baby but that's all right

Hey, I love you anyway

And I'm still gonna be here for you 'till my dying day baby

Right now, I'm just in so much pain baby

Coz you just won't come back to me

Will you? Just come back to me

(Lonely)

Yes baby my heart is lonely

(Lonely)

My heart hurts baby

(Lonely)

Yes I feel pain too

Baby please

This time instead just come to my bed

And baby just don't let me go

[Chorus] (2X)

-jai080305

what if--?

this is the most applicable title to what i'm feeling now, but although this says a lot, i don't know where exactly to start my ramblings or what exactly to ramble about.

i have just been informed that some people are actually aware of my present predicament. hmmm... and news has it, these folks have been teensily(again, if there is such a word) bothered. by saying teensily, i mean yes, they do know about it already, but apparently, they couldn't care less what i do. oh well. like i mean something to them(they don't call me an artista for nothing, you know).

i'm dead.

i'm alive again.

i'm dead again.

the hell... i hate colds and cough. i hate it when my voice sounds ENORMOUS, and i hate it when i'm darn sick. milk. that's what everything is. pure, unadulterated milk.

to those who can relate to that statement, congratulations. you rock.

when all is said and done, i will be left either alone or devastated. so, which road should i take? i say neither. i don't know what will happen, yes, but hell. i still go for NEITHER. cz if i pick one, i still might regret it. so, what if i don't get what i want? whatever. that will just mean that things aren't really meant for me.

To The One Who Makes Me Whole... et al.

Darling I want you to listen

I stayed up all night, so I can get this thing right

And I don't think there's anything missing

Cause a person like you, made it easy to do

I've waited for so long,to sing to you this song

Cause your eyes are the windows to heaven

Your smile could heal a million souls

Your love completes my existence

You're the other half that makes me whole

You're the only other half that makes me whole

I think the angels are your brothers

They told you about me, said you're just what she needs

And I find myself thanking your mother

For giving birth to a saint

My spirit flies when I say your name

If there's one thing that's true

It's that I was born to love you

Cause your eyes are the windows to heaven

Your smile could heal a million souls

Your love completes my existence

You're the other half that makes me whole

You're the only other half that makes me whole

You make my dreams

Come true over and, over again

And I honestly truly believe

You and me are written in the stars

I live my whole life through

To giving thanks to you

Cause your eyes are the windows to heaven

Your smile could heal a million souls

Your love completes my existence

You're the other half that makes me whole

You're the only other half that makes me whole...

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Of The Incredible Lightness Of Being ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

i met up with a few friends a while ago. the usual---chill, catch-up, blah,blah, blah. as we were talking (seriously, i'd just like to add), i found myself smiling stupidly & looking somewhere unseeable. as much as i wanted to listen to the ramblings of my friends about life, my mind just flew to unreachable heights and made me remember a few situations of my ever-so-happy (er--) social life.

of course, my secret smiles and dreamy eyes were not an alien notion to my friends, but the difference is that this time, they don't know anything about it. so i turn into a very good friend and not tell them exactly what's going on because at that time, i just wanted to preserve what i felt... hahaÜ (sorry, guys, but sometimes, friends kill my drama. :p heehee...Ü)

the exploits of my restraining prowess was evident again yesterday at school. i was constantly battling the urge to be a beeyotch and kept my mouth shut.

whatever happened to FREEDOM in this world?!

suppressed feelings, man. i soooo wanted to scream.

anyways, it just kills me that the present friends i thought i had are the ones who'd initiate my unbelievably painstaking social death. the validity of reason (albeit highly "inunderstandable"(if there is such a word), so it technically doesn't count anyway), is definitely not something to consider in times like these. all this time, those people were pretending to be my friends.

what a waste of my precious time. to think that i once considered them all to be real.

there is no family here--- cz families are there for each other, and most you are not at all there for me. i feel used, abused, and freaking cheated. goodluck to everyone. i hope you have happy lives.

oh well.

a friend once said:

"you'll know who your true friends are in the moments when you're most in need."

how true, how true.

and NOT A SINGLE ONE OF YOU were there when i needed you.

*hats off to you, raef. you just proved my point.Ü*

Happy Martial Law Liberation Day (Part 1)

i had the best weekend!ÜÜÜ

presence: my family and relatives.tor.gia.jules.noc.roy.nayn.popoy.lycs.scab.
mac.jon.karen.rona.ac.arthur.hans.carlo.marengNix.pam.misty.cinderello.
pareng ing.donna.liane.dimps.dan.nikks.denden.top.bea.tobit.richard.bryan.
lec.toffer.renzo.candy.gnet.bon.omarc.guimo. friends.haytrop titos and titas.
matthew.ates.

greetings: sis.cuzdear.neil.vince.jen.kester.mayumi.tutor paul.lian.miles.nic.
fran.karen b.lena.liz.nayn.mare.jengnenee.ate jane.jean.ken.anyatots.ac.fr.
francis.zye.kris.kristel v.ateina.ate jen.ate zsa.kuya onyl.iris.boyfriend.pam.
gia.tor.iking.chim.cinderello.raefel.jiggy.kimmy.popoy.karen s.rona.stephie.
chong.mary ann.cat.jennah.karen t.jc

details next time.Ü

Mysteries of the Unleashed

what exactly does the 26th of february do to me?
answer: i have no idea.

for some unknown reason, whenever this date nears, i suddenly unleash my alter-ego and start being weird. i don't really have medical or psychological proof of this phenomena, but... it's something i myself consider out of the ordinary.

my friends think something's going on, because i'm just switching between my mataray and my deadma states. others think i'm just having a panic attack. others think i'm just sad.

i don't know.why i feel so down lately. is it because i'm scared that this saturday will be dead? or is it because i feel no one cares for me?

(this is just a phase, it will pass...)

but still, i am constantly paranoid that i will slowly sink to oblivion. again, i can't seem to understand why i feel like such a loser.

the people i thought and felt i trusted the most are slowly leaving... and i don't know if i'm a bad person or i'm really just getting left behind... i hate feeling like this, it's like grade school all over again. i just don't like this feeling...

the color of love...

COLOR OF LOVE I was lonely,I needed someone, to see me through, I was at the, end of my rope, I needed someone, to cut me loose Then an angel, out of the blue, Gave me the since that I, might make it through And somehow I survived, with no rhyme or reason, And now I know I'll make It, Through the miracle of you [Chorus] I know the Color Of Love, (And It lives inside of you) I know the color of truth, (Its in the image of you) If it comes for the heart, then you know that its true, It will color your soul, like a rainbow (Like a rainbow) And the color of love, is in you Like a bridge, Over troubled, troubled water You stood beside me, stood beside me And your love, did not falter And then the angel, angel in you, Gave me the strength to know, That I will get through, And that’s how I survived, ain't no other reason And now I know I'll make it, through the miracle of you [Chorus] [Bridge] So girl I want to thank you, I can't thank you enough, For showing me the meaning, The meaning of true love, (When I was lost and so in need you opened up your heart) (When I needed you to comfort me you opened up you arms) (I couldn't face another day you said don't be afraid) You showed my heart the, showed me the way [Chorus] Ohh, the color of you Happiness is anyone and anything at all... happy birthday kuyaÜ [jengnenee, happy birthday...Ü]