i can never understand why certain things are just taken away from you. it must be part of the higher plan, or perhaps just bad luck that moves you towards a certain place and time when all you can do is, well--nothing.
it hurts that it took quite a bit for everything to fall into place. and now, barely a month after, it ended just as easily as it started. it only had to take two letters-- U.P.
at the exact moment i found out about this transition, the blood drained from my entirety and i was unable to speak. caught off guard, to say the least, but really, it was something more than that. i was defeated, though the game never really belonged to my hands. no one was to blame but chance. but what could i do? i had learned to love my dears long ago, and the only thing i could do was to allow fate to dictate our futures and let go.
you see, i thought i already have. i shed tears and tried my hardest to be strong, to believe in the possibility that everything will go as planned--as WE planned it. somehow, i knew what would happen, but i chose to BELiEVE blindly. i hoped against hope and fought the idea of losing a friend and a colleague. but a few hours ago, nothing could have prepared me for the reality that just slapped me in the face.
one of my allies is leaving. :'(
it is actually surprising that i did not pursue to blame chance or fate or whatever thing i chose to blame. instead, i wailed for hours until i ran out of tears. that's it. no questions, no doubts. just the sheer resignation to my fate--OUR fate for the next 5 years of our lives.
in truth, it shattered my heart. the heart i carefully rebuilt out of the fragments of what previously broke me. it tore it apart easily, with an intensity just as strong as what courage i needed to pick myself up again. it immobilized me and made me take a while longer to regain composure to plan the last hurrah we as friends were going to take.
i always delayed my replies because it was hard for me to accept it without a fight. but i knew long ago that this battle was over. so, with a torn heart, i begin to let go.
it's very sad to lose someone you've grown to love, especially since i am not only losing a friend but an ally, a confidante, a good sport, an Organic. like i said, when i grow to love people, i give my all. and my group has never been given less of my all.
it hurts that it took quite a bit for everything to fall into place. and now, barely a month after, it ended just as easily as it started. it only had to take two letters-- U.P.
at the exact moment i found out about this transition, the blood drained from my entirety and i was unable to speak. caught off guard, to say the least, but really, it was something more than that. i was defeated, though the game never really belonged to my hands. no one was to blame but chance. but what could i do? i had learned to love my dears long ago, and the only thing i could do was to allow fate to dictate our futures and let go.
you see, i thought i already have. i shed tears and tried my hardest to be strong, to believe in the possibility that everything will go as planned--as WE planned it. somehow, i knew what would happen, but i chose to BELiEVE blindly. i hoped against hope and fought the idea of losing a friend and a colleague. but a few hours ago, nothing could have prepared me for the reality that just slapped me in the face.
one of my allies is leaving. :'(
it is actually surprising that i did not pursue to blame chance or fate or whatever thing i chose to blame. instead, i wailed for hours until i ran out of tears. that's it. no questions, no doubts. just the sheer resignation to my fate--OUR fate for the next 5 years of our lives.
in truth, it shattered my heart. the heart i carefully rebuilt out of the fragments of what previously broke me. it tore it apart easily, with an intensity just as strong as what courage i needed to pick myself up again. it immobilized me and made me take a while longer to regain composure to plan the last hurrah we as friends were going to take.
i always delayed my replies because it was hard for me to accept it without a fight. but i knew long ago that this battle was over. so, with a torn heart, i begin to let go.
it's very sad to lose someone you've grown to love, especially since i am not only losing a friend but an ally, a confidante, a good sport, an Organic. like i said, when i grow to love people, i give my all. and my group has never been given less of my all.
with a sad smile, i bid my friend "see you later," and hope that med school life in another university treats him well. you will certainly be missed, Eman, and we wish you nothing but success in this alternate path you will traverse. BELiEVE that you have neither failed me nor our group. like i said, we are very proud of you for making it there. you already. :) Always remember that love ka ng One Organic, kasi *good sport* ka. :) we'll always be here for you. see you around :)
