So, yeah. 2014's ending in a few hours, and my night wouldn't be complete without commemorating how interesting my life's been for the past month.
It has definitely been a roller coaster ride these past few weeks. I have somehow managed to promise myself a few things, that, unfortunately, were almost, but not quite done. I thought this would be the year I get to complete the dawn masses, but alas, a day before the last one, exhaustion got the better of me.
It's crazy how I beat myself up over it and effing stormed through life for those last 2 days. It was childish, yes, but it was an offering for something I wanted--for someone else. I originally believed that I'd only get a more powerful prayer if I completed everything, but, after missing that single one, I had to convince myself that life doesn't depend on perfecting these rituals that have somehow grown into a fad for great hopes and dreams for some. I guess, in a way, that was the answer I got--that, if I keep my faith strong, what I earnestly pray for will eventually come to fruition. In His perfect time. We were told during mass that He is never selfish, and gives so much more than what we really need. All we have to do is be patient.
And patience did I have. I had a plan. And I changed it. Now, I'm still waiting. At that time, though, it didn't matter that I had prayed for my dreams less. I just had something better to pray for, and I would gladly work harder on personal matters if what deems important to my family gets the lion's share of my faith.
It took the last month of the year to make me grateful and nothing else. I'm extremely grateful. I really am. Because when everything works out for the better, I'm certain that seemingly wasted money and vacation plans won't even matter anymore.
For now, though, I just have to lean onto my rock-solid firewall of a faith.
