Always be wary when mixing business with pleasure. In spite of random endings that go well, there are some highly quicksand-ey situations that make you regret even planning to get the best of both worlds.
In a perfect universe, I would be able to get what I want, when I want it. But since that world exists only in a dream, I suck up all the bad juju that's been accumulating and flash a halfhearted smile. Poor me, always on the losing end.
I'm starting to think the theory I once had was never true to begin with. Apparently, everything I believed about this has been a lie, and I have subjected myself to nothing but embarrassment and despair. But yes, life goes on and I shall eventually find another theory to believe so my heart can get disproved again someday.
Oh well. At least I'm used to disappointments. :( pardon the self-pity. Down in the dumps is just an understatement right now. Sigh.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Sunday, November 17, 2013
2:09 AM
The Universe has kickstarted my dormant mind once again.
In the game of chess, one party's attack-and-capture methods are meant to place the king under an inescapable threat of capture. However, all efforts towards the king's demise can be halted, as miniscule miscalculations and even the tiniest overstep can gift a seemingly winning candidate with a draw. And just like that, despite the dirtier work and all those brain cells lost, you eventually still succumb to paying the price. The currency? Frustration.
I sometimes wonder if the Universe has become jaded because of everything it has gone through-- because in spite of my conscious efforts to carefully remain unscathed by its rampage, I nonetheless find myself stuck right in the middle of all the chaos. It's just life, I know, but it doesn't exactly offer solace to my poor, unfortunate heart.
My heart--yes, I believe that's quite the hot topic these days--should just be left at that. No muss, no fuss. And I have gone way past that game of waiting, because there's probably something else much more worthwhile to wait for. My long-time trend of friendly encounters has apparently not escaped me yet, and I say, what's a couple more years (or months, if I'm lucky ;p) of waiting?
It could be premature to say that this is the end of the road, and so I resort so saying it's yet another fork I must contemplate on. Therefore, because of the recent (and rather frequent) turn of events I refuse to read into, time and time again, I succumb to my fate.
Stalemate.
In the game of chess, one party's attack-and-capture methods are meant to place the king under an inescapable threat of capture. However, all efforts towards the king's demise can be halted, as miniscule miscalculations and even the tiniest overstep can gift a seemingly winning candidate with a draw. And just like that, despite the dirtier work and all those brain cells lost, you eventually still succumb to paying the price. The currency? Frustration.
I sometimes wonder if the Universe has become jaded because of everything it has gone through-- because in spite of my conscious efforts to carefully remain unscathed by its rampage, I nonetheless find myself stuck right in the middle of all the chaos. It's just life, I know, but it doesn't exactly offer solace to my poor, unfortunate heart.
My heart--yes, I believe that's quite the hot topic these days--should just be left at that. No muss, no fuss. And I have gone way past that game of waiting, because there's probably something else much more worthwhile to wait for. My long-time trend of friendly encounters has apparently not escaped me yet, and I say, what's a couple more years (or months, if I'm lucky ;p) of waiting?
It could be premature to say that this is the end of the road, and so I resort so saying it's yet another fork I must contemplate on. Therefore, because of the recent (and rather frequent) turn of events I refuse to read into, time and time again, I succumb to my fate.
Stalemate.
Sunday, November 10, 2013
The End of A Fairy Tale
Suffice it to say that I've been trying to pattern my life to the fairy tales I've grown up with. I've always dreamed that some Prince Charming would magically appear into my life and sweep me off of my feet, just like Cinderella and Briar Rose and those other princesses that ruled my childhood dreams. I always thought, too, that someday, I would outgrow it. But I thought wrong.
Growing up doesn't necessarily mean you let go of the child you once were. It just makes you make better choices to equip you with the things you need to survive this ever-so-ruthless world. I chose to make college so much more memorable than it could be, joined things I didn't think I would be a part of, and, yea, got to see the world with my friends. I chose to enter the insane world of Medicine that turned my life inside out and upside-down, and I find myself enjoying despite and in spite of the many, many battle scars it has left me with so far. But now, in the middle of it all, I realize that while I grew up, some part of me still wishes for a different kind of magic--and my head has apparently never stopped dreaming up a fairy tale. But now, the fairy tale ends.
I could say I wish I didn't stop dreaming, but I certainly don't want to live under the shadow of doubt. Sure, I may share comparable sentiments with some people I know, but it doesn't mean I should hold on to the "usual" and carry on. I guess, this time, I truly need to toughen up.
In a different way.
For myself.
No more of those "this is it" things. This time, it should be for real. No more waiting for this frog to turn into a prince. Unrequited matters should be thrown into the sea, along with the many other wishes we want the waves to wash away from our hearts. Right now, I just have to trust that the Big Guy up in Heaven knows what He's doing. :)
I'm letting go of my old fairy tales.
Cos I think it's about time I make some of my own. AND make them happen.
Growing up doesn't necessarily mean you let go of the child you once were. It just makes you make better choices to equip you with the things you need to survive this ever-so-ruthless world. I chose to make college so much more memorable than it could be, joined things I didn't think I would be a part of, and, yea, got to see the world with my friends. I chose to enter the insane world of Medicine that turned my life inside out and upside-down, and I find myself enjoying despite and in spite of the many, many battle scars it has left me with so far. But now, in the middle of it all, I realize that while I grew up, some part of me still wishes for a different kind of magic--and my head has apparently never stopped dreaming up a fairy tale. But now, the fairy tale ends.
I could say I wish I didn't stop dreaming, but I certainly don't want to live under the shadow of doubt. Sure, I may share comparable sentiments with some people I know, but it doesn't mean I should hold on to the "usual" and carry on. I guess, this time, I truly need to toughen up.
In a different way.
For myself.
No more of those "this is it" things. This time, it should be for real. No more waiting for this frog to turn into a prince. Unrequited matters should be thrown into the sea, along with the many other wishes we want the waves to wash away from our hearts. Right now, I just have to trust that the Big Guy up in Heaven knows what He's doing. :)
I'm letting go of my old fairy tales.
Cos I think it's about time I make some of my own. AND make them happen.
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