letters and dreams...

it still sucks to think that serious talk with some people will forever remain in the depths of every letter ever written to that person. oh well. some people are just pain in the behinds, cz they treat everything as a joke. ahem... generally speaking, of course.

yeah, right, jai.

anyways, whatever. this is how things are, so, jai, deal with it. :p

i have a culinary demo tomorrow afternoon, for pogi points for a certain someone. oh yes, it kind of freaks me out, knowing that this definitely makes it to the top 10 dumbest things ever done by yours truly, but hell--i'll take this over the guilt trip, thank you very much. jist? this demo is geared to winning over a friend's heart... by someone i used to know.

mental, huh?

just a thought: are letters made by women to the opposite gender always meant to be sapul? am just curious. and... why the crap do people pretend not to care when they really do? hayyy... it's probably for the best, considering the present sitution.

what could be more important that getting your life back on track? i'm currently stumped of all ideas. is this just thinking too much or am i really crazy to clutter my mind of all the pathetic obssessions i can possibly think of dealing with right now? i'm not sure. hell, now i'm more convinced that i am indeed dysfunctional.

like hell, i am.

dear 'bessy' has just told me she most probably can't make it tomorrow afternoon. now i'm going to be stuck with judgmental folks and live in utter embarrassment for the rest of my presently pitiful life. oh crap. so much for being cool.

anyway, i'll probably just go with the flow tomorrow. i'm doing him the favor, so he better shut up. or else. haha.

it still never ceases to amaze me how blissfully ignorant most humans are. yes, i may be among those merry men at times, but, i proudly declaim that the operative word in that statement is sometimes. hah. i'm good.

i hope my exit makes a statement... will it be considered submission? loss? resignment? i don't know. what's clear is that things are about to change. things WILL change. soon. i'm sorry, bessy, this is how it has to be. all comments and/or opinions aside, this is what i will have to do. so... world, wish me luck. it was nice knowing each and every one of you.

"i say, therefore, i am."

now's the right time to think that.

broken in silence...

hello, world.

yes, i'm feeling sad today. why? because i wasn't able to see my friend. too bad i can't go out anymore... it's just that i miss this girly girl so much, and i know she's feeling crappy right now, wherever she is. most probably, she is again ostracized by freaking people who treat her as if she's dirt.

awww... grr.

if only i wasn't 'illegally detained,' i'd accompany her until later tonight. hmph. if only.
i hope things are fine with her, though. she's been through the best of hell just recently, and i so want to help her feel better. for some reason, our sad moments always coincide with each other. we have the same bad days, and [usually] the same good days.Ü that's what's good, actually. at least we get to feel for each other. right now, though, i feel for her more... she'll be stuck with people who treat her like crap, with the sole exception of one being---who should be busy right now because of another person... so, technically, she'll be alone... no matter what people may say or do, she won't feel at ease anytime soon around them---because of certain things only WE can understand.

i really feel bad that i can't go anywhere else today... just when someone needs me so bad...

haaayyy... :'c

***by the way, happy birthday stel dear... miss you, girl.***

strange...

yes, people, things are strange.

as much as we all would want things to be 'normal,' they just can't be like that. for some reason, the Lord gives us way too much to think about--- oftentimes, we are obliged to do the understanding, and, in some lucky cases, we get to be pampered and understood.Ü

i know, i know. vague as ever again, huh?

doi.

anyways, my world has again turned upside down. i'm getting on with my life, yes, but, along with the coping stuff, i got a lot of other things i wasn't initially asking for.

after a very 'eventful' (if there is such a word) 6 months, i got sucked into another world i never imagined i would be in--- college(okay, fine. yes... among other things--er, worlds.). so, okay, it's not like i don't like it, but it's freaky as hell. but i don't care. i'm savoring every tiny bit of it.Ü

to get to my point, things are really strange. it's SO funny how things happen in the most unexpected way, and in the most unexpected moment. who would've thought that my life's most recent 'transition' would bring me unexpressable happiness? i don't know... for some reason, i feel like the loss i feel for suddenly not being with my closest cousin has been compensated for by another good friend. i'm not implying that my heart's space for my dear cuz has been filled by my other newfound 'bessy,' but, the blow of not having someone to talk to has seemingly been decreased as i've bonded with different people.

okay, so, it's just amazing that things are turning out fine for me now.Ü yeehah!Ü i'm not THAT happy, but, i know i can pull this off.Ü

so, on to the more complicated side of my slightly-improved happy life...

let's just put it this way: amidst the galaxy of happiness and contentment lies a black hole of confusion. i know i shouldn't be complicating things more for myself, but i can't help it. every single time i find my life getting back to how it used to be, in comes another concern, and then... i'm gone... obssess, obssess, obssess.

yes, i know. AGAIN:

RELAX. SEE A MOVIE.

ahh, whatever. blah, blah, blah. change topic.

one song keeps popping into my head since around 6pm tonight: Because Of You. Kyla's version. why? i don't know. reminiscient of old times, perhaps? not really. it's just constantly bombarding my already nerve-wracked brain. crap.

it's been so long since i last updated this blog. yes, anyatots, hindi na po ako nakakapag-update. though nakakatouch naman that you constanly check the developments of my dysfunctional world.Ü love you lots, dear!Ü

doi. it would have to take a miracle for me to be able to update the rest of civilization with everything that's happened to me for the past few weeks. i always say that, huh? but that's what's real, eh. it's tasking and insignificant to most of you anyway.

so, okay. i end my blabber here. until my next entry.Ü

hmmm... who would've thought?

who would've thought that today would be a good day?

no one. doi.

anyways, yadda, yadda, yadda. so today was great. big deal.

actually, it's a big deal for me. [am i a freak or what? i just keep on contradicting myself.] hah. wala lang, i just think that today's 'accomplishments' will be a foreshadowing of a 'calmer' tomorrow. i'm just a little relieved that people aren't turning mental on me.

that's good, right?

it just freaks me out that things happen so fast. it's like, one day, all of my friends and i are fine, and then now, most of them are freaking out. what's the deal? i thought they understood each other. and then there's this other thing about a girl we just started hanging out with, and then now, she doesn't even text us, cz she thinks we hate her guts. huh?! get real, man. what happened between her ex-boyfriend and our friend didn't have ANYTHING to do with her. it's just that her ex's an ******* and we can't stand him. too bad she's sooo in love with him.

oh well. to each his own.

hay nako. if only i can scream my lungs out now... i can't seem to write [er--type] everything i want to now... i have to let this out in another way...

basta, i'm happy today.

for some reason.

and it has nothing to do with the things i typed above.

vague, huh?