Breeding Ground

In a very non-medical way, one could say that the brain is the craziest breeding ground of everything potentially destructive to human life. In the omnipotent struggle of expectation vs. reality, we are all slaves to the thing we think could/would/should happen.

The basic variety of what aggravates the perils of heartache (and heartbreak) is disappointment. By expecting something to happen, you render yourself susceptible to the risk that comes after--waiting for forever before the thing you desire materializes. And when it doesn't, all you can do is mindlessly wallow in the neverending quicksand that is grief; that, in the event that an immeasurable amount of it sets in, you know you're sold to the genius that is Elisabeth Kübler-Ross.

The other side of the spectrum gives you a slightly less invasive kind of grief, because you'll never know you have it unless you choose to let down your guard and face it head on. It is the easy way out to a mind-boggling life, where lives are led by brains and not hearts. In it exists a world of strength and nonchalance, where doubt and fear are unwelcome. One might think this is the best way to lead a comfortable life, but we must always be wary of the ever-so-impending tugs at the heart in the MOST unexpected of moments.

As with all things in life, all we can do is stick with our choice and hope for the best. No matter how much we try, though, our moments of weakness will pull us towards the deep end of what we initially thought we wanted. Call it a lapse of judgment or anything else worse, but human nature allows a certain grace period for poor unfortunate souls, rendering it imperative that we not question nature's decree.

But fate never lets us lose hope in what we clamor for the most. We are showered with little smidgens of hope and we still emerge happy from the current abyss our souls have plunged into. However sad, we eventually feel that we aren't alone in the battle we now have, and our faith in humanity will soon be restored.

At the end of the day, I guess, what will matter is how much we've tried to make things right and how hard we've tried to live within our means. Despite and in spite of anything that's out of the ordinary, the best we can do is suck it up and go on. So that, no matter how bad our choices have turned out to be in the long run, we still end up with something better than what we expected.😉

posted from Bloggeroid

Unforgiving

It's frustrating how unforgiving tiredness could be. Though I tried so hard to accomplish as much as I could until the wee hours of the morning, I still end up missing the first class I've been stressing so much about. :(

Oh well, I guess. There's always room for improvement and more time to allot for real sleep. Sigh.

posted from Bloggeroid

Factory Settings

It's a very Craig David kind of morning as everything reverts back to normal. I'm wanted at home again, just like nothing stressful even happened, and some things have just thinned out with no signs of distress or other compensatory changes.

This makes the journey even more erratic, as it would be an assurance that I may never get to detect any amount of change in advance. So much for trying to be on top of things then.

Oh well. It's inevitable that I face being an only child in a few hours. And that I face everything else that comes with this crazy life as the days go by. Sigh.

posted from Bloggeroid

Game On

In matters of fixing broken things, a lot of solutions come to mind. Fixing broken body parts, however, changes the game entirely.

Besides the fact that most transplants entail getting on a list and waiting for forever before your (real) hopes of getting treated materializes, it serves as the ultimate test of strength to the one who needs it most. These patients spend months (and even years) holding on to something they have no idea whether or not they can outlive.

I guess, in the same way, this is how heartbreak works. Unfortunately, though, this could be something that may never be solved. No matter how much you heal after all that pain, you end up with the same dilapidated organ. And that will never be good as new. One can only fill in the gaps that the previous co-owner has left for you to nurse yourself back to health.

Looking at the bright side, you'd think that life would be easy without it. What's sad, though, is that no man can escape its wrath. Everyday is a chance for the world to break you, and the risk increases as you go about life without a speck of it. Not undergoing physical transplant isn't an assurance, however, that you get to be exempted from the test of strength that transition brings. Whatever the reason, you'll know that holding on to your sanity in emotional transplants will be an even more daunting task than the pain of enduring the recovery period after a physical transplant.

Nevertheless, it's probably human nature that we choose to do the things we know will hurt us, only because we think it'll be worthwhile anyway (like med school, for example. Haha). And then we blindly accept everything else that comes with it. But sometimes, in the most fleeting of moments, you start to think: how much really is too much?

I may never know the answer to that question. I guess it depends on how much more you can take. And when it gets too hard to continue holding on, albeit with a heavy heart, you let go.

posted from Bloggeroid

Overdrive

Today I got a nagging feeling that this school year will test me so bad it'll be hell on earth.

My unparalleled excitement for this extremely-coveted progression has seemingly been gnawing at my cloak of comfort, reminding me that things may not be all too well so soon. Despite my efforts to choose to believe that this is just a phase, this morning proved to be a test of character already. I had to juggle lifestyles yet again and frown at the inconvenience of it all.

The rules are simple. Very specific, but not at all unique.

And then when something you may not like gets flung at you, the only way good things may come out of it is if you face it head on. But what if all you want to do is let it go? Sometimes, it's not too good to know how to fix things, too. You end up fibrotic and you'll never be the same again. And then your brain gets so tired and full of unrelenting clutter when all you want is a little peace.

I might just be some kind of a great pretender. Then again, maybe it's just one of those days.

posted from Bloggeroid