Allusions

It still baffles me that in an alternate universe, most units coexist but don't even trust each other. I mean, thank God I'm not part of that hullabaloo, but it sends shivers down my spine whenever I witness these relationships in action.

Lord, please bless those who need to learn how to open their hearts the most, and to learn how to let go of seemingly superficial relationships to make space for genuine ones that will come along. It saddens me that some future colleagues of mine refuse to acknowledge the beauty of working as a team and making things happen together, but instead lambast each other (albeit indirectly) for the rest of the world to see. I understand that a healthy amount of caution be employed in everything we do, but this amount of distrust is clearly a leap further than alarming.

It's quite unsettling that I am thrust into an environment that contains elements such as these, but I remain firm in my belief that there will always be a way for things to get better. I can only hope and pray that sometime soon, or perhaps someday, the shroud of confusion clears up and everyone decides that maturity will breathe so much more good into our lives.

In anything and everything, and, most importantly, above all things... Faith.

Sunsets

There will always be one fateful day of clarity. That day when everything that used to be blurred just clears out. I'm not usually blessed with these moments, but when I am, it'll definitely be a crazy ride back to reality after everything's been said and done.

It wasn't today, of course. Or yesterday. Or the day before that. But the past few weeks, I think, have been deeply priming me for some sort of transition I will either love or loathe.

I'm gonna let you in on a little secret--time alone scares me. It's one of the best feelings in the world, of course, since you become productive alone, too, but that same productivity is something I find so hard to trust.

Just like a sword, everything good has a double edge. This isn't pessimistic at all, but, in reality, there will always be two sides to anything. Going back to my previous train of thought, I hate alone time as much as I bask in it. Because it is the one thing that never fails to catch me off-guard. Every. Single. Time.

When I started over, I had so much pain and longing for the life I had to leave behind, and it hurt like hell that something you work so hard on gets taken away from you in the blink of an eye. It was a struggle, to say the least, which I somehow managed to work through, but now that I'm in the middle of yet another transition in my life, it still feels strange that there's so much I hold back on. It isn't anything selfish, really, just... Proper.

A few days ago I was asked an age-old question: Safe and boring or Dangerous but fun? The waiting game indeed sucks to begin with and real strength lies in making choices. But I still don't know which side I'm on. Maybe I'll find out soon? Yes. Maybe.

In other news, I'm insanely grateful for the gift of foresight. I always knew such an incident would change the way the world turned, and it did. At least for me. Sure, there were random swipes at what tito Rico sang about, but the decision was mounted by the flick that, without a doubt, sealed the deal.

It doesn't even matter that the quest for normalcy remains in action--the sun simply cannot be stopped from setting. Kudos to uninhibited glory, too, because it was exactly what I needed to ride my chariot and join the fate of the red-orange sun. At least, as I end this sojourn, I know a new one will begin. And it will be as tumultuous as what I just came from. Only, this time, I know how my horses should be held.

I went into this transition with hope that my weary heart can get by--and it did, for a while. Only now, I feel like I need to take those steps back and reevaluate my road less taken. Since it was my follow-through that drained my sanity out, I trust that this same follow-through wrings out anything dragging me down. It was Nostradamus from the very start--my little Saunder would ultimately take me off the edge. And, not surprisingly, Marissa Cooper never gets to Berkeley.

This is probably my last semblance-of-an-actual-summer and I can't wait to start it. All apprehensions should be put to rest real soon, as I hang my proverbial mask and face the inevitable depths of the unknown. I know it'll be less than eventful, and that I won't even get to feel sand between my toes, but there's a certain kind of calm that I'm looking forward to feeling once all this is over. And, maybe then, I'd be completely at peace. 

For right now, though, I see myself become one of those shadowy figures I drew back in sixth grade. Solitary, staring out into the sun, passively allowing the red-orange beacon of hope sink into the darkness of the sea. 

Breathless

I feel like I'm falling headfirst into an endless void and there's no way out. I seemingly keep myself chained to nothingness, allowing everything to happen without me being part of it.

I guess it's normal that hormonal tendencies get in the way of endorphin-loading tired minds. I keep paddling on, but the void keeps pulling me back... So far back that life keeps happening while I helplessly hang on, and I passively (but rather painstakingly) ride the horrific coaster that forcefully propels me to oblivion.

I am both anxious and excited for the terminal vacay of my medical career. I may be boring or even stressed out by then, or even totally devoid of adventure, but one thing's for sure-I will be gone. It's about time I make up for lost eons because I kind of miss myself already.

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