"At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them."
-Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy
-= <3 =-
it always takes the last few days to get me to really believe something's gonna happen before it actually does. is it the preoccupation or the willful forgetfulness i allow myself to undergo to lessen those shocks of pain i expect to encounter?
sadly, i bend towards the latter more. i have known myself to selectively attend to what needs to be done, depending on its urgency... and though i love the results of the choices i make, i subject myself to unnecessary daydreams of progressing sorrow.
alas, the truth has hit me in the face again. this time, twice as hard.
like i said, i'm generally accepting when it comes to these things. not only because i'm so used to it, but because i now know what to do. but having someone mirror what exactly runs in the portals of my mind just makes me plunge into an even deeper form of induced shock that has to be vented out in whatever way, shape or form.
don't get me wrong, i completely love the understanding that underlie the revelation. however, i will still need a moment to breathe.
i'm fortunate enough to get the time to take it all in, but life doesn't bend that way all the time. to think that i live in spontaneity and whatnot, now it's all about planning and making it work.
here we go again with growing up. i've heard the stories, the lectures, the everything. i've also accepted the fact that responsibility hits you hard when you least expect it to. but again, i guess you'll never know everything about it, though it's exactly what you do everyday.
so i am now left to endure the perils of previously selected factoids. big deal. i'm just saying that however grand these pains may be, of course i have no reason to despise whatever happens next. so, with a heavy heart, i accept everything and allow myself to grow up some more.
what i pray for, though, is for actual chance to grow up as well. *sigh*
