The Downside

Self-preservation is such a two-faced b*tch.

And I don't know why the hell I keep doing this to myself.

I guess I just have to get used to the downside more. I get to detach, yes. But I feel all the glorious pangs, too. As a matter of fact, I just got that almost-too-real heart squeeze a second ago when the smarter part of my brain told me to establish the distance more. That self-satisfied smirk was just too real, and I hope that the blood that drained out of my entirety did not sell me out.

I had to bury my face into my hands because it was too surreal to just endure with a poker face. My smiles betray me, and the initial chill that crept up my being was replaced with some sort of fiery internal struggle even I couldn't decipher. Long story short, it was a flurry of feels I thought I had already let go.

Well, apparently not.

I was pulled back into the real world when I heard a classmate say, "Don't cry, Jaimie. You look like you're going to cry." At that point, all I could muster was a nervous "Huh?" and unconsciously went back to staring into space. I'm okay, I'm okay. It'll be fine.

Yes. It will be. And it should.