30 August 2014, 4:42 pm.
I learned something new today. And it's not at all medical.
It partly is, I think... Then again, I know it totally isn't.
But I did—I learned something I'm trying my hardest to put aside and not believe.
When you think about it, sporadic awareness of pieces of information should at least make life easier. However, in many different situations, that just isn't the case.
I heave sigh upon sigh—of, I don't know: relief? Exasperation? Surrender?—as I listened to each word that would have meant the world to me at an earlier time, but that I've been trying to desensitize myself from in the very clouded present. I knew, deep in the portals of my heart, that some of those words still ring true to this very day. However, it was that same poor, disheveled entity that chose to fight all possibilities, in the fear of succumbing to a pain much worse than anything I've been acknowledging for the past eons of what seemed like forever.
01 September 2014, 10:34 pm.
I would like to believe that I have taught myself to finally choose my battles—but for some strange, demented reason, I find myself fighting the same one time and time again. I wait for a miracle to happen in the deepest forests of oblivion, where virtually no soul can reach my wandering heart.
Funny, though, that my efforts at self-preservation lead me to this same path. That no matter how much I rant and I rant, against all odds, I still fall back into the arms of my yellow brick road. Yes, I often ask myself why I allow such a cycle to happen. But then my brain retorts something so sharp that my entirety believes in it, too. And then for a fleeting moment, in just a split second of reality, I find an all-too-real comfort in knowing that I have been freed from the black hole of my routine. But when all has been said and done, when the masks come off, the heart simply wants what it wants.
I learned something new today. And it's not at all medical.
It partly is, I think... Then again, I know it totally isn't.
But I did—I learned something I'm trying my hardest to put aside and not believe.
When you think about it, sporadic awareness of pieces of information should at least make life easier. However, in many different situations, that just isn't the case.
I heave sigh upon sigh—of, I don't know: relief? Exasperation? Surrender?—as I listened to each word that would have meant the world to me at an earlier time, but that I've been trying to desensitize myself from in the very clouded present. I knew, deep in the portals of my heart, that some of those words still ring true to this very day. However, it was that same poor, disheveled entity that chose to fight all possibilities, in the fear of succumbing to a pain much worse than anything I've been acknowledging for the past eons of what seemed like forever.
01 September 2014, 10:34 pm.
I would like to believe that I have taught myself to finally choose my battles—but for some strange, demented reason, I find myself fighting the same one time and time again. I wait for a miracle to happen in the deepest forests of oblivion, where virtually no soul can reach my wandering heart.
Funny, though, that my efforts at self-preservation lead me to this same path. That no matter how much I rant and I rant, against all odds, I still fall back into the arms of my yellow brick road. Yes, I often ask myself why I allow such a cycle to happen. But then my brain retorts something so sharp that my entirety believes in it, too. And then for a fleeting moment, in just a split second of reality, I find an all-too-real comfort in knowing that I have been freed from the black hole of my routine. But when all has been said and done, when the masks come off, the heart simply wants what it wants.
posted from Bloggeroid
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