Friday, August 15, 2014

Reticent Soul I

I’ve been keeping tab at my hormones for the past few days, and right before my study night commences, I receive news of such witless acts. An entire dictionary cannot even begin to express how utterly furious I am, but I again concede that I must fall into the trap of the spineless and agonizingly allow nature to take its course. For posterity.

Haven’t you ever felt vehement fury against a truly unworthy creature but still end up choosing the high road? I have, for years. And I just allowed that monstrosity to happen. Again. I’m starting to think that the vicious cycle will forever haunt me; that I will never be genuinely worthy of peace, and I start to think, what if I let my ideals go this time? What if, for once, I allow myself to feel?

I have never really answered those, in fear of the ultimate source of evil taking over me. My faith is intact, after all. I know that it would be unforgivable to cave, to let all the madness in, to lash out, to do many evil things to that one person I loathe the most. But I want to. With my entirety. I HONESTLY DO. Which is why, in the midst of the merciless rampages at my heart, I finally succumb to my tears.

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