make me whole

20 October 2009, 9:39 am at the mrt, random thought:

it just dawned upon me that i seriously need to relax. despite my strongest attempts to unleash organization into my life, the efforts deem futile in this pathetic semblance of a reality.

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21 October 2009, 4:52 am somewhere in between. prevailing thought:

it's utterly crazy how people unite over misfortune and pain. no matter how much we attempt to prevent it, we seemingly glue ourselves to a unit that alleviate the inner dysfunction you momentarily possess. as much as we retain composure and selflessly think, the deep-seating nature of humans emerge and we, of course, find ourselves bawling over the issues we have not addressed nor even thought about.

i am honestly compelled to be where i am right now, and i would rather be with friends close to my heart. though my presence absorbs the suffering and heartache they unleash, i feel i am right at home with consoling heavy hearts and nerve-wracked brains...

if only i can get to the main point of it all.

honestly, though, despite my useful attempts to be knowledgeable and thought-provoking, i am left dumbfounded at the recent turn of events that have slipped my attention. i have absolutely no idea what will happen to those i hold dear, but the fight is yet to start. sanities lost and heart-wrenching matters found constitute the change that is on its way, and i am teetering on the ice-cold rod of minimal hope.

i hope i can help make things matter, i hope i can get out of this rut. i am a complete and total mind mess right now, i think i need the shrink. this is exactly why i love selective attention, so i can keep my sanity in check and appear as the epitome of strength to others who lean on me.

this is generally too revealing, in an extremely weird sense. for what it's worth, though, this is all directed toward one clear goal: positive change.

so i have no choice but to be half-baked in whatever the next few days will bring. so much for my powers of positivity. here's to the real crunchtime.