--- 22 september 2009, approximately 11:00 pm ---
because of the elating moments that transpired just a few hours ago, i cannot help thinking back on the olden days when life was less complicated.
you went to school, played with your friends, and went back home. homework before spending countless hours in front of the tv, going to bed at 8 [although sometimes negotiable], but sneaking out in the middle of the night to watch reruns of your favorite show on the ichannel. hating to get out of bed at 5 or 6 am to get ready for yet another day of school. the same teachers, classmates, and everything, day in, day out. waiting for dear old dad to come pick you up. lazily walk around the house before doing anything productive.
awww. that WAS the life.
then again, i get smidgens of that right now-- the same thing day in, day out, with an injection of spontaneity once in a while. living in my own time, and not missing a step. when you think about it, you would say i've retained a little more old school ways than i actually need. but still, things HAVE changed. and no matter how much i rationalize, they will continue changing and will never make me stop wondering.
yes, i will prove that i am a sap because i quote Filipino movies. but i don't care. it fits into the moment like it was made for it:
"i want to stop wondering 'what IF'. i want to know 'what IS.'"
or something to that effect.
but still, i don't know what's keeping me from actually taking the step to bringing my dreams to reality. like i said, confusion's a bitch. elation makes one knowledgeable of the best things that could happen. although momentary, they show you a world that is achievable and liveable [if there is such a word] only in the depths of your desires. then again, desires do not stay alive forever. they fade, lose their spark, and seemingly extinguish their flames through the winds of time. and no matter how much you try to rekindle that flame, time has done its part in making you realize that the dream is now just a dream, that the reality you once knew is a reality no more.
--- 24 september 2009 9:34 pm---
in a matter of days, my views on life and the present have seemingly vaporized.
no worries, though, i'm fine and still encased in indecision.
however, elation feels so much better when experienced firsthand, having manipulated a random chain of events... but guess what? THAT JUST HAPPENED. :)
SOOO, all i can say is a "kaboom" to those untrue and hurrah to the victorious smirk i now have glued on on my face. love me, hate me, or whatever tickles your fancy, GO AHEAD.
because the only question i will ask you is:
HAS IT EVER OCCURRED TO YOU THAT I DON'T CARE? :D [with lash-batting action]
so now, i rest my case. :)
--- 25 september 2009 05:26 am ---
again, in a matter of hours, more facets of life have unfolded before my eyes.
let me channel my present state to this note and unleash the drama oblivious to the illiterate.
it's amazingly funny on millions of levels that hormonal bouts are seemingly passed on to my male friends. i mean, my female allies have just surpassed them this week, but my mojo-loving friends have increasingly been acquiring "traits" women are most commonly known to have: HORMONES. it just knocks my socks off that my triad [a.k.a. connivance team] has inherited the traits i am well-known for, and they are crazily enjoying the ride. well, of course, i am constantly being blamed for discovering the "HormoBot," [in the desperate attempt to make a statement to the annoyance that is a selection of people around me at night] but of course, things are acknowledged and appreciated just the same.
you gotta love education, and i'm sure my connivance team, et al. loves it even more. haha
cheers to more eventful moments then, let this world be a world to find friends in [hi friends!]. ;p
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