this is keena's fault. so, now, i feel like i'm charlie because i'm such a grouch. LOL.
" It's the Choo Choo Shoe, Charlie, the Choo Choo Shoe! :)
enjoy :)
" It's the Choo Choo Shoe, Charlie, the Choo Choo Shoe! :)
enjoy :)
Showing posts with label blah. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blah. Show all posts
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
Actual Life at Its Finest
Before finally deciding I would relocate my thought bubbles to Livejournal, I promised myself this journal would be filled with so much more than the pangs my heart shall be receiving.
I promised wrong.
Needless to say, the flawless life aspect I envisioned myself living for livejournal banished itself to oblivion when 1:44 am of 13th September hit. For the lack of a better outlet, my poor, disheveled sanity caved into creating a piece of weakness especially for you.
But, it's effing 3am now. Sooo... I have to force myself to sleep.
I promised wrong.
Needless to say, the flawless life aspect I envisioned myself living for livejournal banished itself to oblivion when 1:44 am of 13th September hit. For the lack of a better outlet, my poor, disheveled sanity caved into creating a piece of weakness especially for you.
But, it's effing 3am now. Sooo... I have to force myself to sleep.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Dear John
Dear John,
It's been alazy looong day. I woke up late this afternoon morning, and have only eaten puffed Cheetos and a chocolate-and-peanut butter sandwich since. I'm speechless, I'm tired, I want something new to happen. But since my lazy ass is home, I've been thinking. A LOT.
It's been crazy on Twitter the entire day. Hate, disbelief, love, discontent, hope and bashing are a few of the emotions people seemingly pour onto their tweets. Hate, being that of the Hong Kong Government to the Philippines. Disbelief at our Miss Universe contender's response to her final question. Love for Ma. Venus Raj, Miss Universe 2010 4th Runner-Up, coupled with contented messages of her feat--bringing recognition to our country is no easy task--flooded Tweetworld [at least mine]. Hope, that someday, yesterday's Quirino Grandstand bloodbath will just be a faint memory to and of Filipinos to the rest of the world. Bashing, of everyone who's anyone and anyone who's alive.
Makes me think, really. Do we really have all the answers? Most people who tweet think so. And then most of them suddenly change their minds when they are contradicted. Again, that is just SO Filipino. Not entirely, in defense of the rest of the Filipinos who stand up for what they know, but a lot of Filipinos are so. Might as well not tweet at all and wait for the idea you want to show up on AND THEN start tweeting. It's not like you're not allowed to say what's on your minds, but at least stick to your beliefs. That's all i'm saying.
Annoying, annoying.
Sheesh. Seemingly everything's been topsy-turvy lately. Not that i'm succumbing to bum-ness and regressing to what I swore I would not let myself go into, but there's just some greatsadness disappointment to all of this. It's not incompetence, I know. It's just the TIMES.
So, John, okay. I'll stop whining now and be fine with everything. Speaking of which, i'm kinda craving for a Nonfat Grande White Chocolate Mocha and Banoffee Pie. And it really didn't help that as I was rummaging through my old files, I found this:
So, thank you , John, for making me realize I put myself on house arrest today. :)
Love, Jai
It's been a
It's been crazy on Twitter the entire day. Hate, disbelief, love, discontent, hope and bashing are a few of the emotions people seemingly pour onto their tweets. Hate, being that of the Hong Kong Government to the Philippines. Disbelief at our Miss Universe contender's response to her final question. Love for Ma. Venus Raj, Miss Universe 2010 4th Runner-Up, coupled with contented messages of her feat--bringing recognition to our country is no easy task--flooded Tweetworld [at least mine]. Hope, that someday, yesterday's Quirino Grandstand bloodbath will just be a faint memory to and of Filipinos to the rest of the world. Bashing, of everyone who's anyone and anyone who's alive.
Makes me think, really. Do we really have all the answers? Most people who tweet think so. And then most of them suddenly change their minds when they are contradicted. Again, that is just SO Filipino. Not entirely, in defense of the rest of the Filipinos who stand up for what they know, but a lot of Filipinos are so. Might as well not tweet at all and wait for the idea you want to show up on AND THEN start tweeting. It's not like you're not allowed to say what's on your minds, but at least stick to your beliefs. That's all i'm saying.
Annoying, annoying.
Sheesh. Seemingly everything's been topsy-turvy lately. Not that i'm succumbing to bum-ness and regressing to what I swore I would not let myself go into, but there's just some great
So, John, okay. I'll stop whining now and be fine with everything. Speaking of which, i'm kinda craving for a Nonfat Grande White Chocolate Mocha and Banoffee Pie. And it really didn't help that as I was rummaging through my old files, I found this:
So, thank you , John, for making me realize I put myself on house arrest today. :)
Love, Jai
Monday, January 11, 2010
blast from the past
Saturday, November 14, 2009 at 9:11pm
WHOA.
I have been resisting the strangest urge to rearrange the files I've accumulated online since time immemorial. However, due to time constraints, i willfully extinguish the desire to do so just because I am, in large part, exhausted in varying levels--physically, mentally, and emotionally--and that's not gonna stop anytime soon.
As I was browsing through old accounts, profiles, and blogs, I stumbled upon one entry that evoked bittersweet endings, with a personal aww-factor injected here and there.
It's just crazy how I came up with this rambling in the middle of the afternoon, in a not-so-comforting venue, and with a mind-blowing dose of indifference everywhere I looked. I may have shunned the world from my me-moment and dived into the drowning seas of my heart at this time, but it's still disturbing to know this just came out naturally.
this entry channels memories of turbulent tenure. although momentous, that first step into the working class still sends pangs to my heart when i look back. i may have collected experiences catered to my fancy, but the immensely devastating tidal wave of sorts really welcomed me into the world of the working.
and it wasn't pretty. at all.
what is a "lost cause"? that, apparently, used to be me. and it wasn't pretty. in every sense of the word.
ewwwwww. the cheese, the cheese. melodramatic and fabulous.
-= <3 =-
BEGIN with the END in mind. Always.
It has been a long-standing statement that we should “live life to the fullest.” No one, in my opinion, has ever achieved someone else’s standards of fulfilment. For as much as we try to be the “fulfilled being” they think we should be, we can’t. We can only reach the extent of fulfilment we have set for ourselves.
When I think about actually attaining fulfilment, I remember all my hopes and dreams, and the million things more I want to get to feel that I’ve made it. But it would be too idealistic to believe that every whim I have is attainable.
Now that I know better, I see my fulfilment and success in the intangible aspects I can live up to and imbibe in everything I do. I want to be remembered by my family as the daughter who cared, the one who was there when things didn't go right. I want to be seen as the one who made life bearable for everyone (even to my friends), and the sister who thought of others more than she did herself. I want to be seen as the one who made mistakes but was not scared to own up to it, as the imperfect daughter and sister who brought sadness and disappointment to the house, but tried her hardest to make things right. I want my family to believe I tried to be perfect, but couldn't, that's why they loved me anyway and saw me as perfect… in a very imperfect way.
I want my friends to remember me as the one who had fun, but made sense; a good person who never failed to lend a helping hand or a shoulder to lean on. I want to be seen as someone who was there, and who gave herself to the people she cared about the most. I want them to remember that I looked out for them, and shared their hell with them. I want to be the imperfect friend they fought with, the one who was brave enough to stress the times when she made mistakes herself. Above all, I want everyone to remember me, not as the successful singer, dancer, or actress I want to be, not as the doctor or psychologist I will try to be, but the “imperfect success” who found fulfilment in surpassing life’s challenges with a smile on her face.
<3 Jai
WHOA.
I have been resisting the strangest urge to rearrange the files I've accumulated online since time immemorial. However, due to time constraints, i willfully extinguish the desire to do so just because I am, in large part, exhausted in varying levels--physically, mentally, and emotionally--and that's not gonna stop anytime soon.
As I was browsing through old accounts, profiles, and blogs, I stumbled upon one entry that evoked bittersweet endings, with a personal aww-factor injected here and there.
It's just crazy how I came up with this rambling in the middle of the afternoon, in a not-so-comforting venue, and with a mind-blowing dose of indifference everywhere I looked. I may have shunned the world from my me-moment and dived into the drowning seas of my heart at this time, but it's still disturbing to know this just came out naturally.
this entry channels memories of turbulent tenure. although momentous, that first step into the working class still sends pangs to my heart when i look back. i may have collected experiences catered to my fancy, but the immensely devastating tidal wave of sorts really welcomed me into the world of the working.
and it wasn't pretty. at all.
what is a "lost cause"? that, apparently, used to be me. and it wasn't pretty. in every sense of the word.
ewwwwww. the cheese, the cheese. melodramatic and fabulous.
-= <3 =-
BEGIN with the END in mind. Always.
It has been a long-standing statement that we should “live life to the fullest.” No one, in my opinion, has ever achieved someone else’s standards of fulfilment. For as much as we try to be the “fulfilled being” they think we should be, we can’t. We can only reach the extent of fulfilment we have set for ourselves.
When I think about actually attaining fulfilment, I remember all my hopes and dreams, and the million things more I want to get to feel that I’ve made it. But it would be too idealistic to believe that every whim I have is attainable.
Now that I know better, I see my fulfilment and success in the intangible aspects I can live up to and imbibe in everything I do. I want to be remembered by my family as the daughter who cared, the one who was there when things didn't go right. I want to be seen as the one who made life bearable for everyone (even to my friends), and the sister who thought of others more than she did herself. I want to be seen as the one who made mistakes but was not scared to own up to it, as the imperfect daughter and sister who brought sadness and disappointment to the house, but tried her hardest to make things right. I want my family to believe I tried to be perfect, but couldn't, that's why they loved me anyway and saw me as perfect… in a very imperfect way.
I want my friends to remember me as the one who had fun, but made sense; a good person who never failed to lend a helping hand or a shoulder to lean on. I want to be seen as someone who was there, and who gave herself to the people she cared about the most. I want them to remember that I looked out for them, and shared their hell with them. I want to be the imperfect friend they fought with, the one who was brave enough to stress the times when she made mistakes herself. Above all, I want everyone to remember me, not as the successful singer, dancer, or actress I want to be, not as the doctor or psychologist I will try to be, but the “imperfect success” who found fulfilment in surpassing life’s challenges with a smile on her face.
<3 Jai
Sunday, October 25, 2009
For the Lack of A Better Outlet: A TRIPLE THREAT
--- 22 september 2009, approximately 11:00 pm ---
because of the elating moments that transpired just a few hours ago, i cannot help thinking back on the olden days when life was less complicated.
you went to school, played with your friends, and went back home. homework before spending countless hours in front of the tv, going to bed at 8 [although sometimes negotiable], but sneaking out in the middle of the night to watch reruns of your favorite show on the ichannel. hating to get out of bed at 5 or 6 am to get ready for yet another day of school. the same teachers, classmates, and everything, day in, day out. waiting for dear old dad to come pick you up. lazily walk around the house before doing anything productive.
awww. that WAS the life.
then again, i get smidgens of that right now-- the same thing day in, day out, with an injection of spontaneity once in a while. living in my own time, and not missing a step. when you think about it, you would say i've retained a little more old school ways than i actually need. but still, things HAVE changed. and no matter how much i rationalize, they will continue changing and will never make me stop wondering.
yes, i will prove that i am a sap because i quote Filipino movies. but i don't care. it fits into the moment like it was made for it:
"i want to stop wondering 'what IF'. i want to know 'what IS.'"
or something to that effect.
but still, i don't know what's keeping me from actually taking the step to bringing my dreams to reality. like i said, confusion's a bitch. elation makes one knowledgeable of the best things that could happen. although momentary, they show you a world that is achievable and liveable [if there is such a word] only in the depths of your desires. then again, desires do not stay alive forever. they fade, lose their spark, and seemingly extinguish their flames through the winds of time. and no matter how much you try to rekindle that flame, time has done its part in making you realize that the dream is now just a dream, that the reality you once knew is a reality no more.
--- 24 september 2009 9:34 pm---
in a matter of days, my views on life and the present have seemingly vaporized.
no worries, though, i'm fine and still encased in indecision.
however, elation feels so much better when experienced firsthand, having manipulated a random chain of events... but guess what? THAT JUST HAPPENED. :)
SOOO, all i can say is a "kaboom" to those untrue and hurrah to the victorious smirk i now have glued on on my face. love me, hate me, or whatever tickles your fancy, GO AHEAD.
because the only question i will ask you is:
HAS IT EVER OCCURRED TO YOU THAT I DON'T CARE? :D [with lash-batting action]
so now, i rest my case. :)
--- 25 september 2009 05:26 am ---
again, in a matter of hours, more facets of life have unfolded before my eyes.
let me channel my present state to this note and unleash the drama oblivious to the illiterate.
it's amazingly funny on millions of levels that hormonal bouts are seemingly passed on to my male friends. i mean, my female allies have just surpassed them this week, but my mojo-loving friends have increasingly been acquiring "traits" women are most commonly known to have: HORMONES. it just knocks my socks off that my triad [a.k.a. connivance team] has inherited the traits i am well-known for, and they are crazily enjoying the ride. well, of course, i am constantly being blamed for discovering the "HormoBot," [in the desperate attempt to make a statement to the annoyance that is a selection of people around me at night] but of course, things are acknowledged and appreciated just the same.
you gotta love education, and i'm sure my connivance team, et al. loves it even more. haha
cheers to more eventful moments then, let this world be a world to find friends in [hi friends!]. ;p
because of the elating moments that transpired just a few hours ago, i cannot help thinking back on the olden days when life was less complicated.
you went to school, played with your friends, and went back home. homework before spending countless hours in front of the tv, going to bed at 8 [although sometimes negotiable], but sneaking out in the middle of the night to watch reruns of your favorite show on the ichannel. hating to get out of bed at 5 or 6 am to get ready for yet another day of school. the same teachers, classmates, and everything, day in, day out. waiting for dear old dad to come pick you up. lazily walk around the house before doing anything productive.
awww. that WAS the life.
then again, i get smidgens of that right now-- the same thing day in, day out, with an injection of spontaneity once in a while. living in my own time, and not missing a step. when you think about it, you would say i've retained a little more old school ways than i actually need. but still, things HAVE changed. and no matter how much i rationalize, they will continue changing and will never make me stop wondering.
yes, i will prove that i am a sap because i quote Filipino movies. but i don't care. it fits into the moment like it was made for it:
"i want to stop wondering 'what IF'. i want to know 'what IS.'"
or something to that effect.
but still, i don't know what's keeping me from actually taking the step to bringing my dreams to reality. like i said, confusion's a bitch. elation makes one knowledgeable of the best things that could happen. although momentary, they show you a world that is achievable and liveable [if there is such a word] only in the depths of your desires. then again, desires do not stay alive forever. they fade, lose their spark, and seemingly extinguish their flames through the winds of time. and no matter how much you try to rekindle that flame, time has done its part in making you realize that the dream is now just a dream, that the reality you once knew is a reality no more.
--- 24 september 2009 9:34 pm---
in a matter of days, my views on life and the present have seemingly vaporized.
no worries, though, i'm fine and still encased in indecision.
however, elation feels so much better when experienced firsthand, having manipulated a random chain of events... but guess what? THAT JUST HAPPENED. :)
SOOO, all i can say is a "kaboom" to those untrue and hurrah to the victorious smirk i now have glued on on my face. love me, hate me, or whatever tickles your fancy, GO AHEAD.
because the only question i will ask you is:
HAS IT EVER OCCURRED TO YOU THAT I DON'T CARE? :D [with lash-batting action]
so now, i rest my case. :)
--- 25 september 2009 05:26 am ---
again, in a matter of hours, more facets of life have unfolded before my eyes.
let me channel my present state to this note and unleash the drama oblivious to the illiterate.
it's amazingly funny on millions of levels that hormonal bouts are seemingly passed on to my male friends. i mean, my female allies have just surpassed them this week, but my mojo-loving friends have increasingly been acquiring "traits" women are most commonly known to have: HORMONES. it just knocks my socks off that my triad [a.k.a. connivance team] has inherited the traits i am well-known for, and they are crazily enjoying the ride. well, of course, i am constantly being blamed for discovering the "HormoBot," [in the desperate attempt to make a statement to the annoyance that is a selection of people around me at night] but of course, things are acknowledged and appreciated just the same.
you gotta love education, and i'm sure my connivance team, et al. loves it even more. haha
cheers to more eventful moments then, let this world be a world to find friends in [hi friends!]. ;p
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
make me whole
20 October 2009, 9:39 am at the mrt, random thought:
it just dawned upon me that i seriously need to relax. despite my strongest attempts to unleash organization into my life, the efforts deem futile in this pathetic semblance of a reality.
************************************************************************
21 October 2009, 4:52 am somewhere in between. prevailing thought:
it's utterly crazy how people unite over misfortune and pain. no matter how much we attempt to prevent it, we seemingly glue ourselves to a unit that alleviate the inner dysfunction you momentarily possess. as much as we retain composure and selflessly think, the deep-seating nature of humans emerge and we, of course, find ourselves bawling over the issues we have not addressed nor even thought about.
i am honestly compelled to be where i am right now, and i would rather be with friends close to my heart. though my presence absorbs the suffering and heartache they unleash, i feel i am right at home with consoling heavy hearts and nerve-wracked brains...
if only i can get to the main point of it all.
honestly, though, despite my useful attempts to be knowledgeable and thought-provoking, i am left dumbfounded at the recent turn of events that have slipped my attention. i have absolutely no idea what will happen to those i hold dear, but the fight is yet to start. sanities lost and heart-wrenching matters found constitute the change that is on its way, and i am teetering on the ice-cold rod of minimal hope.
i hope i can help make things matter, i hope i can get out of this rut. i am a complete and total mind mess right now, i think i need the shrink. this is exactly why i love selective attention, so i can keep my sanity in check and appear as the epitome of strength to others who lean on me.
this is generally too revealing, in an extremely weird sense. for what it's worth, though, this is all directed toward one clear goal: positive change.
so i have no choice but to be half-baked in whatever the next few days will bring. so much for my powers of positivity. here's to the real crunchtime.
it just dawned upon me that i seriously need to relax. despite my strongest attempts to unleash organization into my life, the efforts deem futile in this pathetic semblance of a reality.
************************************************************************
21 October 2009, 4:52 am somewhere in between. prevailing thought:
it's utterly crazy how people unite over misfortune and pain. no matter how much we attempt to prevent it, we seemingly glue ourselves to a unit that alleviate the inner dysfunction you momentarily possess. as much as we retain composure and selflessly think, the deep-seating nature of humans emerge and we, of course, find ourselves bawling over the issues we have not addressed nor even thought about.
i am honestly compelled to be where i am right now, and i would rather be with friends close to my heart. though my presence absorbs the suffering and heartache they unleash, i feel i am right at home with consoling heavy hearts and nerve-wracked brains...
if only i can get to the main point of it all.
honestly, though, despite my useful attempts to be knowledgeable and thought-provoking, i am left dumbfounded at the recent turn of events that have slipped my attention. i have absolutely no idea what will happen to those i hold dear, but the fight is yet to start. sanities lost and heart-wrenching matters found constitute the change that is on its way, and i am teetering on the ice-cold rod of minimal hope.
i hope i can help make things matter, i hope i can get out of this rut. i am a complete and total mind mess right now, i think i need the shrink. this is exactly why i love selective attention, so i can keep my sanity in check and appear as the epitome of strength to others who lean on me.
this is generally too revealing, in an extremely weird sense. for what it's worth, though, this is all directed toward one clear goal: positive change.
so i have no choice but to be half-baked in whatever the next few days will bring. so much for my powers of positivity. here's to the real crunchtime.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
taking it to the streets
there is ABSOLUTELY no significance nor reason behind that title. i just think it sounds good for the multitude of sorts i'm feeling right now. :)
and the randomness shall now commence. :)
** * **
20 october 2009 0729am
it's been a hell of a ride today [well, "yesterday"]. firstly, a BIG CONGRATULATIONS to Abeleds for finally making it to the alumni bunch. :) woohoo, welcome to the club! :)
now, for your training... ;p
next, i am again in the brink of polluting my brain with millions of memories that i do not want to encase myself in at the moment. the mere thought of everything to think about drives me nuts, and the random-slash-irate customer service style might get unleashed once again. i'd rather NOT have that now, of course, since i realized that purposefully modulating my voice makes me save it more. and we all know [well, NOT REALLY, but if you know how i speak, you'll get the idea of my exaggeration] i can get high-pitched when i get argumentative.
harharhar.
but with the a/c right behind me--erm--i don't think so.
** * **
so, on to the bashing.
it's just so irritating that for some strange, demented reason, a frightening blue-collar rampancy is on the loose. well, for patience's sake, i purse my lips and randomly interact with the heaven-colored plate in front of me, claiming contempt. and the funniest unseen interactions bordered my sanity as white-collared minds basked in sheer delight.
let the mindgames begin :)
** * **
it is a complete waste to while away the hours of my existence in a trance, and that's what i have seemingly been doing for the past eons of my life. oh no. so much for productivity. but soon, i hope, my fate will take a different course. :)
and truly, facebook makes me engage in neurobics in my almost hopeless pursuit for further activity. it's such a pity that my refuge lies in an intangible world, crying out to the reality that is.
soon, though, fate shall take a wider trend, and i will be freed from my thought bubbles. i have yet to prepare for what's next, and brace myself for the wrath that is to come.
for everything else, i shall wait with a megawatt smile albeit the scare of unknown carnage. haha. so much for sitting on top of the world. ;p
and the randomness shall now commence. :)
** * **
20 october 2009 0729am
it's been a hell of a ride today [well, "yesterday"]. firstly, a BIG CONGRATULATIONS to Abeleds for finally making it to the alumni bunch. :) woohoo, welcome to the club! :)
now, for your training... ;p
next, i am again in the brink of polluting my brain with millions of memories that i do not want to encase myself in at the moment. the mere thought of everything to think about drives me nuts, and the random-slash-irate customer service style might get unleashed once again. i'd rather NOT have that now, of course, since i realized that purposefully modulating my voice makes me save it more. and we all know [well, NOT REALLY, but if you know how i speak, you'll get the idea of my exaggeration] i can get high-pitched when i get argumentative.
harharhar.
but with the a/c right behind me--erm--i don't think so.
** * **
so, on to the bashing.
it's just so irritating that for some strange, demented reason, a frightening blue-collar rampancy is on the loose. well, for patience's sake, i purse my lips and randomly interact with the heaven-colored plate in front of me, claiming contempt. and the funniest unseen interactions bordered my sanity as white-collared minds basked in sheer delight.
let the mindgames begin :)
** * **
it is a complete waste to while away the hours of my existence in a trance, and that's what i have seemingly been doing for the past eons of my life. oh no. so much for productivity. but soon, i hope, my fate will take a different course. :)
and truly, facebook makes me engage in neurobics in my almost hopeless pursuit for further activity. it's such a pity that my refuge lies in an intangible world, crying out to the reality that is.
soon, though, fate shall take a wider trend, and i will be freed from my thought bubbles. i have yet to prepare for what's next, and brace myself for the wrath that is to come.
for everything else, i shall wait with a megawatt smile albeit the scare of unknown carnage. haha. so much for sitting on top of the world. ;p
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Random: Finding Source of Your Pain [Source of your pain not always obvious.]
for the millionth time, i have attempted to actually write something of substance and share it to the world. but, AS USUAL, i was either exhausted like crazy or asleep, too tired to even attempt a tactile interaction involving my fingertips and laptop.
so while i'm still awake and pretty much alive, i begin my oration. and because i am now a conglomeration of sorts, this will be as random as it can get.
i found "Finding Source of Your Pain [Source of Your Pain Not Always Obvious]" on a Yahoo! popup ad thing, and since then, i found myself scrolling through the varying headlines, searching for something thought-provoking. to no avail, though. i soon realized that great things come in increments, and that i had to digest this tiny factoid first before i discover another line that shall pierce my heart's walls.
so, let the mastication begin.
i've always thought that dwelling on the pain something--or someone--has caused you is completely absurd. and yet in my most unpremeditated of moments, i find myself employing what i believe i despise. in my most pathetic attempts of heightened self-preservation, i subject my brain to the fake belief that i actually don't care--when in fact, i do.
usually, it takes a gargantuan amount of proving importance to make me care about trivial matters--because i know what i want and i know what i need to pay attention to--but really, behind this wall of strength and nonchalance, i have a heart, too.
so, for every tear shed and every heart broken, i share a seemingly hapless smile and get back to the perils of what's real.
so where exactly can the pain's source be found? [i absolutely thank the Lord in this particular moment that i haven't entered the world of medicine yet, or i will further pollute my mind with actual facts and figures and veer away from the point that my heart is driving at.]
i say it can be found anywhere, and can unfortunately strike you at any time. Yes, it may be coming from the one thing you treasure the most, or from that one great love you allowed your heart to experience, but the bottom line is, you will always think it originated from something else. AND THEN you start believing what you choose to believe.
what makes it even more excruciating, though, is that no matter how you allow yourself to believe it came from something else, you will find yourself bawling in the end over the fact that you never saw it coming from that one thing you invested most of yourself on.
and YES, it will hurt, and you will die a million times inside and have your heart crushed to smithereens, but you will have to use the powers of self-preservation to rebuild the life you once had--minus the pain and drama.
and when you've turned over a new leaf and have faced tomorrow, you will smile and breathe a sigh of relief at the emotional roller coaster you just allowed yourself to ride. and you emerge stronger and happier, and more able to handle the pain.
"if it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger," "life's a bitch and then you die," the list goes on. but i think what makes pain matter to us is how significantly it has played a role in your overall development and resilience. because the next time it happens, you'll be prepared. and it will be simply amazing that it doesn't shatter the portals of your heart this time--you will have learned to take it in and get it straightened out. and you will flash a megawatt smile to the world, signifying triumph and total bliss. :)
-= <3 =-
for the lack of a better outlet, i again pour my emotions onto this virtual world i call home. like what i've been accepting for years, blogging can actually be a pretty therapeutic form of lashing out without anyone having the right to judge you--because really, if you're that affected, start a blog and lash out yourself, HELEEEW.
;p
it's such a pain in the behind that my current lifestyle has allowed everything else to be a blur to me. i've been sick, exhausted, out of it, and disheveled from the million ketsanas i allow myself to face every millisecond of everyday. and no matter how much i say that it's for the love of the game, sometimes... it just isn't anymore.
i've missed myself. and i guess i owe it in large part to a certain individual who made me feel okay again with unleashing slanders at randomness. i at least know how to [statement!]. i COULD say the same to the unintelligible trash some people bring to the table, but clearly, that WOULD be a lie.
-= <3 =-
i am truly annoyed by sensationalizing freaks without a cause. it's not even important that you engage yourself in this life, and yet you still do. i can only empathize to a certain extent [towards you, at least], and everything else will be fatal, even to me. my being will not tolerate your pathetic excuse for a life and will self-destruct, and of course, when that happens, you will be the only one to blame.
i hate the fact that the crabness creeps to the most insignificant of beings. like i said, the ignorance is lamentable enough. and now you allow yourself to be exposed even more as illiterate and bask in the momentary glory that exposure to criticism brought you? i mean, duh. get a life.
you pollute my brain with thoughts of pitiful self-justification, and i sure as hell don't buy it. unfortunately, you have proved even more that you are actually a disgrace to mankind and everything else associated with you. so please, if you can even fathom a smidgen of my point, work on being invisible already. because really, to most people, YOU JUST ARE.
oh, how i love random talk. ;)
-= <3 =-
have i proven my point yet? i know i did a million times. some people just completely don't get the fact that this IS the truth. i've tried countless times to be understanding and civil, but the utter idiocy of it all is what gives me recurrent mental torture.
have YOU ever heard of social suicide? i guess not.
it's irritating that NO ONE has gotten a clue. and i think NO ONE will ever get a clue because NO ONE is a daft, salon-dwelling nincompoop.
-= <3 =-
just so i end my reverie on a happy note, i'm happy. i think.
see you soon, world. :)
so while i'm still awake and pretty much alive, i begin my oration. and because i am now a conglomeration of sorts, this will be as random as it can get.
i found "Finding Source of Your Pain [Source of Your Pain Not Always Obvious]" on a Yahoo! popup ad thing, and since then, i found myself scrolling through the varying headlines, searching for something thought-provoking. to no avail, though. i soon realized that great things come in increments, and that i had to digest this tiny factoid first before i discover another line that shall pierce my heart's walls.
so, let the mastication begin.
i've always thought that dwelling on the pain something--or someone--has caused you is completely absurd. and yet in my most unpremeditated of moments, i find myself employing what i believe i despise. in my most pathetic attempts of heightened self-preservation, i subject my brain to the fake belief that i actually don't care--when in fact, i do.
usually, it takes a gargantuan amount of proving importance to make me care about trivial matters--because i know what i want and i know what i need to pay attention to--but really, behind this wall of strength and nonchalance, i have a heart, too.
so, for every tear shed and every heart broken, i share a seemingly hapless smile and get back to the perils of what's real.
so where exactly can the pain's source be found? [i absolutely thank the Lord in this particular moment that i haven't entered the world of medicine yet, or i will further pollute my mind with actual facts and figures and veer away from the point that my heart is driving at.]
i say it can be found anywhere, and can unfortunately strike you at any time. Yes, it may be coming from the one thing you treasure the most, or from that one great love you allowed your heart to experience, but the bottom line is, you will always think it originated from something else. AND THEN you start believing what you choose to believe.
what makes it even more excruciating, though, is that no matter how you allow yourself to believe it came from something else, you will find yourself bawling in the end over the fact that you never saw it coming from that one thing you invested most of yourself on.
and YES, it will hurt, and you will die a million times inside and have your heart crushed to smithereens, but you will have to use the powers of self-preservation to rebuild the life you once had--minus the pain and drama.
and when you've turned over a new leaf and have faced tomorrow, you will smile and breathe a sigh of relief at the emotional roller coaster you just allowed yourself to ride. and you emerge stronger and happier, and more able to handle the pain.
"if it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger," "life's a bitch and then you die," the list goes on. but i think what makes pain matter to us is how significantly it has played a role in your overall development and resilience. because the next time it happens, you'll be prepared. and it will be simply amazing that it doesn't shatter the portals of your heart this time--you will have learned to take it in and get it straightened out. and you will flash a megawatt smile to the world, signifying triumph and total bliss. :)
-= <3 =-
for the lack of a better outlet, i again pour my emotions onto this virtual world i call home. like what i've been accepting for years, blogging can actually be a pretty therapeutic form of lashing out without anyone having the right to judge you--because really, if you're that affected, start a blog and lash out yourself, HELEEEW.
;p
it's such a pain in the behind that my current lifestyle has allowed everything else to be a blur to me. i've been sick, exhausted, out of it, and disheveled from the million ketsanas i allow myself to face every millisecond of everyday. and no matter how much i say that it's for the love of the game, sometimes... it just isn't anymore.
i've missed myself. and i guess i owe it in large part to a certain individual who made me feel okay again with unleashing slanders at randomness. i at least know how to [statement!]. i COULD say the same to the unintelligible trash some people bring to the table, but clearly, that WOULD be a lie.
-= <3 =-
i am truly annoyed by sensationalizing freaks without a cause. it's not even important that you engage yourself in this life, and yet you still do. i can only empathize to a certain extent [towards you, at least], and everything else will be fatal, even to me. my being will not tolerate your pathetic excuse for a life and will self-destruct, and of course, when that happens, you will be the only one to blame.
i hate the fact that the crabness creeps to the most insignificant of beings. like i said, the ignorance is lamentable enough. and now you allow yourself to be exposed even more as illiterate and bask in the momentary glory that exposure to criticism brought you? i mean, duh. get a life.
you pollute my brain with thoughts of pitiful self-justification, and i sure as hell don't buy it. unfortunately, you have proved even more that you are actually a disgrace to mankind and everything else associated with you. so please, if you can even fathom a smidgen of my point, work on being invisible already. because really, to most people, YOU JUST ARE.
oh, how i love random talk. ;)
-= <3 =-
have i proven my point yet? i know i did a million times. some people just completely don't get the fact that this IS the truth. i've tried countless times to be understanding and civil, but the utter idiocy of it all is what gives me recurrent mental torture.
have YOU ever heard of social suicide? i guess not.
it's irritating that NO ONE has gotten a clue. and i think NO ONE will ever get a clue because NO ONE is a daft, salon-dwelling nincompoop.
-= <3 =-
just so i end my reverie on a happy note, i'm happy. i think.
see you soon, world. :)
Friday, August 21, 2009
Jai needs...
Here’s how it works: Google “[your first name] needs” and share the first 15 results. That's it: it is that simple. But be honest! Then tag some friends to pass this on...
*i was going for "Jaimie needs", but i realized i like using "Jai" more, and guess what? results are waaaay funnier. ;D to the people who know me well, have fun! :D*
1. Jai needs to play in an uptempo style.
[http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/columns/story?columnist=katz_andy&id=2855252]
- haha how much more uptempo? ;) okay, let me get my hands on something nice and sugarey and i'll give you uptempo. LOL
2. Jai needs.. to play uptempo style, a new job, needs to focus, help to come home, & a big story line.
[http://twitter.com/mytyp/status/3114407721]
- awww. what a giveaway. boo to you on this one, twitter. :(
3. Jai needs to focus on beefing up the family's cash reserve.
[http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1365/is_5_33/ai_94672524/]
- HAHA! this simply means my ass has got to get out of the house and back to work SOON! haha do you hear me screaming "alipin"??? :D
4. Jai Needs A New Job
[http://www.latingossip.com/television/jai-needs-a-new-job.html]
- <3 this, LOL. need i say more? #3 has it written down PERFECTLY. ;)
5. JAI needs J2SE 1.3 to install..
[http://forums.sun.com/thread.jspa?threadID=5382469]
- okay, this i have no idea about. ;p *krookroo moment*
6. Jai needs help to come home
[http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,20633905-2862,00.html]
- of course i do. i need help to come "home" into your arms. <3 eww. cheeesy craaap. LOL
7. Jai needs a big story line.
[http://www.backtothebay.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=32811]
- haha i know. i need a grandiose ending to my long and complicated story ;)
8. JAI needs motif native libraries on Solaris with JDK 1.4.
[http://marc.info/?l=ant-user&m=106491061405440&w=2]
- again, stumped. NEEEXT.
9. JAI needs sometimes to know the name of the vendor who developed the application, and the implementation of it…
[http://thierry.wasylczenko.free.fr/?p=66]
- yes, i think i do. so i won't have to tinker with every single program i install and go ahead and use it according to what it was ACTUALLY bound to do. LOL
10. Jai needs a really good producer to show what (s)he is capable of doing.
[http://www.amazon.com/Mondo-Rama-Jai-Uttal/dp/B00005Y1JO]
- HAHA i knowww! :D broadway, here i come! <3 haha ;p
11. Jai needs a business start-up loan and a savings account.
[http://www.bot.or.th/Thai/ResearchAndPublications/DocLib_/article08_07_09_a.pdf]
- oh, yes please! :D (with eyes aflutter :D)
12. JAI needs to be able to "see" the ImageIO tools as well, and I'm pretty confident that in your case what's happening is that somehow it(she) can't.
[http://markmail.org/message/7fzj53rgvkuvpikr]
- sheesh. another software thing. GAAAAAA
13. Jai needs to work on his(her) feet and ankles.
[http://www.bollyadda.com/2009/05/dance-india-dance-22-may.html]
- yes, to get this lifelong sprain(s?) figured out. harharhar.
14. JAI Needs Assessment Team learned that in the absence of textbooks, some teachers have resorted to making pamphlets.
[http://el-gr.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=212029970252]
- oh yeah, made one myself. think retro>st. paul pasig>I-7>algeb>math path brochure>miss camacho :D
15. Jai needs to understand that it is possible to redesign jobs around employees instead of looking for the perfect employee for each job.
[http://www.businessworld.in/index.php/Cases/Accepting-Change.html]
- of course i know that. problem is, you have to redesign (again!) once you get a new employee. attrition, anyone? :D LOL serious mode <3
there! <3 haha craaazy. ;p
*i was going for "Jaimie needs", but i realized i like using "Jai" more, and guess what? results are waaaay funnier. ;D to the people who know me well, have fun! :D*
1. Jai needs to play in an uptempo style.
[http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/columns/story?columnist=katz_andy&id=2855252]
- haha how much more uptempo? ;) okay, let me get my hands on something nice and sugarey and i'll give you uptempo. LOL
2. Jai needs.. to play uptempo style, a new job, needs to focus, help to come home, & a big story line.
[http://twitter.com/mytyp/status/3114407721]
- awww. what a giveaway. boo to you on this one, twitter. :(
3. Jai needs to focus on beefing up the family's cash reserve.
[http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1365/is_5_33/ai_94672524/]
- HAHA! this simply means my ass has got to get out of the house and back to work SOON! haha do you hear me screaming "alipin"??? :D
4. Jai Needs A New Job
[http://www.latingossip.com/television/jai-needs-a-new-job.html]
- <3 this, LOL. need i say more? #3 has it written down PERFECTLY. ;)
5. JAI needs J2SE 1.3 to install..
[http://forums.sun.com/thread.jspa?threadID=5382469]
- okay, this i have no idea about. ;p *krookroo moment*
6. Jai needs help to come home
[http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,20633905-2862,00.html]
- of course i do. i need help to come "home" into your arms. <3 eww. cheeesy craaap. LOL
7. Jai needs a big story line.
[http://www.backtothebay.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=32811]
- haha i know. i need a grandiose ending to my long and complicated story ;)
8. JAI needs motif native libraries on Solaris with JDK 1.4.
[http://marc.info/?l=ant-user&m=106491061405440&w=2]
- again, stumped. NEEEXT.
9. JAI needs sometimes to know the name of the vendor who developed the application, and the implementation of it…
[http://thierry.wasylczenko.free.fr/?p=66]
- yes, i think i do. so i won't have to tinker with every single program i install and go ahead and use it according to what it was ACTUALLY bound to do. LOL
10. Jai needs a really good producer to show what (s)he is capable of doing.
[http://www.amazon.com/Mondo-Rama-Jai-Uttal/dp/B00005Y1JO]
- HAHA i knowww! :D broadway, here i come! <3 haha ;p
11. Jai needs a business start-up loan and a savings account.
[http://www.bot.or.th/Thai/ResearchAndPublications/DocLib_/article08_07_09_a.pdf]
- oh, yes please! :D (with eyes aflutter :D)
12. JAI needs to be able to "see" the ImageIO tools as well, and I'm pretty confident that in your case what's happening is that somehow it(she) can't.
[http://markmail.org/message/7fzj53rgvkuvpikr]
- sheesh. another software thing. GAAAAAA
13. Jai needs to work on his(her) feet and ankles.
[http://www.bollyadda.com/2009/05/dance-india-dance-22-may.html]
- yes, to get this lifelong sprain(s?) figured out. harharhar.
14. JAI Needs Assessment Team learned that in the absence of textbooks, some teachers have resorted to making pamphlets.
[http://el-gr.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=212029970252]
- oh yeah, made one myself. think retro>st. paul pasig>I-7>algeb>math path brochure>miss camacho :D
15. Jai needs to understand that it is possible to redesign jobs around employees instead of looking for the perfect employee for each job.
[http://www.businessworld.in/index.php/Cases/Accepting-Change.html]
- of course i know that. problem is, you have to redesign (again!) once you get a new employee. attrition, anyone? :D LOL serious mode <3
there! <3 haha craaazy. ;p
Friday, March 27, 2009
dazed and confused
for a while there, i thought i was sucked into the twilight zone...
and then i opened my eyes.
of course, a computer screen with a single, almost monochroamtic window and multifarious boxes met my ever-so-fluttering eyes.
oops, i'm at work. :D
(but i'm home now, was just channeling the wonders of relay and beyond.Ü)
SOOOO.
those fated meetings were bound to conclude, and my seemingly hopeless journey towards unearthing the fossils of way back when magically and almost instantly presented themselves right in my face. so much for waiting for time to cease all foggy madness, i am now facing hard-core facts.
but, of course, since we all know that life brings us a plethora of surprises "every each time," let me go for the gold by saying i have learned a GARGANTUAN amount in those last few hours i spent as slave to life's effort to teach us the ropes with matters of momentary unfair-ness.
as much as i would like to elaborate, i can only say that i pray for the best for all the friends i know will enter the realm of judgment one of these days. all my love to you all. as for those hanging on to dear life, however, you guys know i am too. Ü
in whatever way, shape, or form people may see how life makes an effort to make us learn what we need to epitomize in our beings, i just want to let you all know i'll be here for the long haul. i don't know what else may happen in the next few days, but whatever it is, allow me to smile and finally put my panic button to rest. 2 days straight of panicky haven is REALLY not a good idea. :)
ANYWAY.
for whatever purpose i may be responding to, i know i want this right now. so, let us channel warrior princesses and be soldiers in our separate ordeals. i know i've contributed by heeding to wisdom's call and finally opening up ("no holds barred," haha!!!) and i know my piece was well-stated and finely-tuned. however, the most recent chain of events got me thinking. argh.
what to do, what to do.
i am just a puzzle of irregular sorts right now. i have just woven unceasing blabber and have turned it into a slave of eternity. for whatever it's worth, things are going to get better. let's make sure it does. Ü
luxurious sleep should be attained as well, to promote a healthier lifestyle and a paced heart. so, i shall retire. :)
off to the mattresses i go! ;p
and then i opened my eyes.
of course, a computer screen with a single, almost monochroamtic window and multifarious boxes met my ever-so-fluttering eyes.
oops, i'm at work. :D
(but i'm home now, was just channeling the wonders of relay and beyond.Ü)
SOOOO.
those fated meetings were bound to conclude, and my seemingly hopeless journey towards unearthing the fossils of way back when magically and almost instantly presented themselves right in my face. so much for waiting for time to cease all foggy madness, i am now facing hard-core facts.
but, of course, since we all know that life brings us a plethora of surprises "every each time," let me go for the gold by saying i have learned a GARGANTUAN amount in those last few hours i spent as slave to life's effort to teach us the ropes with matters of momentary unfair-ness.
as much as i would like to elaborate, i can only say that i pray for the best for all the friends i know will enter the realm of judgment one of these days. all my love to you all. as for those hanging on to dear life, however, you guys know i am too. Ü
in whatever way, shape, or form people may see how life makes an effort to make us learn what we need to epitomize in our beings, i just want to let you all know i'll be here for the long haul. i don't know what else may happen in the next few days, but whatever it is, allow me to smile and finally put my panic button to rest. 2 days straight of panicky haven is REALLY not a good idea. :)
ANYWAY.
for whatever purpose i may be responding to, i know i want this right now. so, let us channel warrior princesses and be soldiers in our separate ordeals. i know i've contributed by heeding to wisdom's call and finally opening up ("no holds barred," haha!!!) and i know my piece was well-stated and finely-tuned. however, the most recent chain of events got me thinking. argh.
what to do, what to do.
i am just a puzzle of irregular sorts right now. i have just woven unceasing blabber and have turned it into a slave of eternity. for whatever it's worth, things are going to get better. let's make sure it does. Ü
luxurious sleep should be attained as well, to promote a healthier lifestyle and a paced heart. so, i shall retire. :)
off to the mattresses i go! ;p
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
beginnings and endings
it has always been a thought-provoking ordeal whenever i assess where i'm going in this madness people call life. at most times, i end up happy and contented with how i've seen things through different aspects, and i end my reverie with a smile and a breath of relief.
now, however, i am seemingly left dumbfounded at the thought of change starting to creep into my senses once again.
i am not at all terrified of what is to come. i actually am excited. but when i REALLY think of everything else in between, i plan nonstop and activate my panic button.
now that i've seriously made my mark on oblivion, my better judgment tells me i have yet to experience the wrath of time. woohoo.
as much as i want to resolve my thoughts right here and right now, time could not be a better juror in my momentary query. so i guess my phoned-in questions have yet to be relayed in utmost delay and i shall await the no response until time heeds my call.
no matter how my life is hectic in uncanny ways, i am in this for the long haul and i am holding tight until the end of the line. who knows what will be up when i arrive? only a few people know. albeit waiting for tomorrow with shivers in me timbers, might as well take on the role and make it work. after all, i still have a few moments of slavery (read: alipin-ness haha!) locked in my system :)
if all else fails, smile and make the magic happen. :)
now, however, i am seemingly left dumbfounded at the thought of change starting to creep into my senses once again.
i am not at all terrified of what is to come. i actually am excited. but when i REALLY think of everything else in between, i plan nonstop and activate my panic button.
now that i've seriously made my mark on oblivion, my better judgment tells me i have yet to experience the wrath of time. woohoo.
as much as i want to resolve my thoughts right here and right now, time could not be a better juror in my momentary query. so i guess my phoned-in questions have yet to be relayed in utmost delay and i shall await the no response until time heeds my call.
no matter how my life is hectic in uncanny ways, i am in this for the long haul and i am holding tight until the end of the line. who knows what will be up when i arrive? only a few people know. albeit waiting for tomorrow with shivers in me timbers, might as well take on the role and make it work. after all, i still have a few moments of slavery (read: alipin-ness haha!) locked in my system :)
if all else fails, smile and make the magic happen. :)
Monday, March 09, 2009
Feeling A Tad Random... ;)
Rules:Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things about you.
* as far as i'm concerned, i have been living a double life for the past year. and i love it ;)
* i love SHOES, bags, and clothes. and everytime i go anywhere, i restrain myself AS MUCH AS I
CAN to not splurge... (most of the time, to no avail. haha!)
* i constantly want to reinvent myself. i think change is good. :)
* i can say that a good handful know me REALLY well, and most people who say they know me know so much less than they actually think they do.
* i love to write. and speak. and express myself in thoughts and words. i literally can go on all day. :)
* people always think i'm unappoachable and snobbish when they first see me, but (i hope!) they change their minds after a few times spent with me.
* i don't mind being with different crowds everytime. i don't limit myself to being extra-exclusive with one group. :)
* i believe in making a difference. i know you can't do it all on your own, but it will certainly help if you do something.
* i am a dreamer. i want to do so much in life, and i feel one lifetime isn't enough for all the wonderful things there is to do in this earth.
* i have a panic button ready to be pressed every single time. i do a good job concealing my urge to use it, though. :)
* what i am now has been the product of a series of unfortunate events. and i can't wait for more bittersweet moments to come. :)
* i am of extreme personalities. i can be the most bubbly person now and the most cross later.
* some people think i have a problem if and when i keep quiet. i don't think silence is a bad thing,
though.
* i care. even when some people think i don't.
* i can say that the 2 people who have ever really hurt me have become my good friends now.
* i don't give up easily. but i learned that waiting is an even better choice sometimes. it makes you grow in ways you never think you would.
* i am always a plethora of emotions.
* little things make me happy. and when these accummulate, they become gynormous... and that makes it the most special. :)
* i ultimately adore GERBER DAISIES. and roses and tulips, too, but Lord bless those exquisite GERBERAS. :)
* yes, i have loved and lost. and since i don't give up easily, i'm still hoping for the best. :)
* i'm a sucker for massages. a good massage gives me unexplainable happiness. :)
* i believe in the need for cheese in life every so often. it's those cheesy bits of life that make everything else go 'round smoothly. :)
* i know i'm not the most fortunate of all people, but i know how to live with it and i'm okay. ;)
* i often get judged for who i'm not. and someday, i will learn to not even care.
* i love my family and friends even if they prove to be usually the source of my problems. i don't exactly know how to quantify how and why i love them all, i
just know i do. :)
* as far as i'm concerned, i have been living a double life for the past year. and i love it ;)
* i love SHOES, bags, and clothes. and everytime i go anywhere, i restrain myself AS MUCH AS I
CAN to not splurge... (most of the time, to no avail. haha!)
* i constantly want to reinvent myself. i think change is good. :)
* i can say that a good handful know me REALLY well, and most people who say they know me know so much less than they actually think they do.
* i love to write. and speak. and express myself in thoughts and words. i literally can go on all day. :)
* people always think i'm unappoachable and snobbish when they first see me, but (i hope!) they change their minds after a few times spent with me.
* i don't mind being with different crowds everytime. i don't limit myself to being extra-exclusive with one group. :)
* i believe in making a difference. i know you can't do it all on your own, but it will certainly help if you do something.
* i am a dreamer. i want to do so much in life, and i feel one lifetime isn't enough for all the wonderful things there is to do in this earth.
* i have a panic button ready to be pressed every single time. i do a good job concealing my urge to use it, though. :)
* what i am now has been the product of a series of unfortunate events. and i can't wait for more bittersweet moments to come. :)
* i am of extreme personalities. i can be the most bubbly person now and the most cross later.
* some people think i have a problem if and when i keep quiet. i don't think silence is a bad thing,
though.
* i care. even when some people think i don't.
* i can say that the 2 people who have ever really hurt me have become my good friends now.
* i don't give up easily. but i learned that waiting is an even better choice sometimes. it makes you grow in ways you never think you would.
* i am always a plethora of emotions.
* little things make me happy. and when these accummulate, they become gynormous... and that makes it the most special. :)
* i ultimately adore GERBER DAISIES. and roses and tulips, too, but Lord bless those exquisite GERBERAS. :)
* yes, i have loved and lost. and since i don't give up easily, i'm still hoping for the best. :)
* i'm a sucker for massages. a good massage gives me unexplainable happiness. :)
* i believe in the need for cheese in life every so often. it's those cheesy bits of life that make everything else go 'round smoothly. :)
* i know i'm not the most fortunate of all people, but i know how to live with it and i'm okay. ;)
* i often get judged for who i'm not. and someday, i will learn to not even care.
* i love my family and friends even if they prove to be usually the source of my problems. i don't exactly know how to quantify how and why i love them all, i
just know i do. :)
Friday, May 02, 2008
To Infinity and Beyond
breaks are fun. :)
whenever i interact with people i do not really get to talk to that much, i find myself amazed at what i end up learning about that person and about myself. chance is such a good friend, it hands you life lessons at the most unexpected of times.
this is why i thrive in unreliability (despite my evident OC moments). sure, being planned and ready for anything is great, but living in the moment is fun as well. :) what i originally thought of as unreliable turned out to be something i'd cherish after all. if it weren't for the frequent breaks, i never would have come in contact with all these realizations that invaded my safeguarded ideals.
it is in these moments when i can say that the person who invented the phrase looks can be deceiving is indeed brilliant in every sense of the word. one simply cannot bank on visuals to know about life and the mysteries that lie beneath its portals, but must focus a keener eye on actually feeling what more there is in a being.
it's great that there actually are people still by my side, who give me enough credit to cancel all the intrigue around the world and focus on the facts. :) it's not our problem anymore if some people can't stand how i am, i'm here to enjoy the ride. whoever you are, though, bite me.
hahahaha :D
Thursday, May 01, 2008
A Little Less Complicated
i have no freaking idea what everything that has been happening means.
they say these things are what normally happens in my newfound industry, and my rigidity feels robbed. my plan for all seasons has failed to cater to my OC attacks and i have to conform to the unreliability of life too...
oh, the horror, the horror.
oh well, at least i have my wave-mates to be with. i have to master the art of letting go once again, though... letting go of the life principles i've strictly adhered to somehow and enjoy the ride.
while life was attacking my rigidity last night, i frantically browsed through my phonebook and rang everyone i felt i could talk to. 3 people loved me enough to reply, but kim (replyer#1) was short on battery, and jb (replyer#2) was preparing for work. good thing roy (ringer#1) rang moi, and thank goodness, i was able to talk to someone. life is still great, despite the attacks at my weary spirit. :)
what's with the personal attack, right? oh well. :)
blame it on "that's life". :)
oh yeah, jb rang me too after a while. but then roy was with me already, so i cut it short. i promised, though, to tell him everything once i have time, and so i'll email him right after this. haha :)
***
From a blimp far beyond outer space
***
i've been chatting with a friend from college for the past half-hour (ish), and yes, i have updated her on the perils of my sick, sad life. what was that, reza? go for gold? let's see. :p i've had a lecture from my everdearest "high school" best friend already, papa roy, and i want to keep myself sane and "nag-free" for a moment so i can properly function.
only time will tell, though. whatever happens, i'll make sure i'm prepared. i will never again succumb to pressure. yes, we all know how that went.
when pertaining to life in general, yes, everything is a little less complicated. but then again, i reassess where i am, and i find myself shocked with what i haven't been paying attention to that much. everything is equally important, but something really pushes itself to the surface of my brainwaves so much more than the others... i have NO IDEA where this is going, and i'm extremely scared. i just hope the dreaded cloud of confusion clears up soon.
as much as i would want to elaborate to clear my head of the mental trauma i receive by the second, i can't. i have to figure things out myself, and yeah, if in doubt, deal with it. there's no way this is going to be easier, so i'll have to face it and learn the awful truth myself.
i would give almost anything to be able to get out of this rut. if only things would fall into place and the world would give me a break and succumb to my rigidity... sadly, though, i am merely a space ant in this extraterrestrial dimension we live in.
sad snaps for jaimie...
oh well. upside or downside, i'm on life's side for the long haul. :)
see you on the flipside. :)
they say these things are what normally happens in my newfound industry, and my rigidity feels robbed. my plan for all seasons has failed to cater to my OC attacks and i have to conform to the unreliability of life too...
oh, the horror, the horror.
oh well, at least i have my wave-mates to be with. i have to master the art of letting go once again, though... letting go of the life principles i've strictly adhered to somehow and enjoy the ride.
while life was attacking my rigidity last night, i frantically browsed through my phonebook and rang everyone i felt i could talk to. 3 people loved me enough to reply, but kim (replyer#1) was short on battery, and jb (replyer#2) was preparing for work. good thing roy (ringer#1) rang moi, and thank goodness, i was able to talk to someone. life is still great, despite the attacks at my weary spirit. :)
what's with the personal attack, right? oh well. :)
blame it on "that's life". :)
oh yeah, jb rang me too after a while. but then roy was with me already, so i cut it short. i promised, though, to tell him everything once i have time, and so i'll email him right after this. haha :)
***
From a blimp far beyond outer space
***
i've been chatting with a friend from college for the past half-hour (ish), and yes, i have updated her on the perils of my sick, sad life. what was that, reza? go for gold? let's see. :p i've had a lecture from my everdearest "high school" best friend already, papa roy, and i want to keep myself sane and "nag-free" for a moment so i can properly function.
only time will tell, though. whatever happens, i'll make sure i'm prepared. i will never again succumb to pressure. yes, we all know how that went.
when pertaining to life in general, yes, everything is a little less complicated. but then again, i reassess where i am, and i find myself shocked with what i haven't been paying attention to that much. everything is equally important, but something really pushes itself to the surface of my brainwaves so much more than the others... i have NO IDEA where this is going, and i'm extremely scared. i just hope the dreaded cloud of confusion clears up soon.
as much as i would want to elaborate to clear my head of the mental trauma i receive by the second, i can't. i have to figure things out myself, and yeah, if in doubt, deal with it. there's no way this is going to be easier, so i'll have to face it and learn the awful truth myself.
i would give almost anything to be able to get out of this rut. if only things would fall into place and the world would give me a break and succumb to my rigidity... sadly, though, i am merely a space ant in this extraterrestrial dimension we live in.
sad snaps for jaimie...
oh well. upside or downside, i'm on life's side for the long haul. :)
see you on the flipside. :)
Monday, February 11, 2008
Taking Time Off
If not for the onset of temporary insanity, i would still be working my behind off.
breathe... let it go...
this has virtually annihilated the rest of my mantras, lurking in the varying convolutions of my beauteous brain for the past freaking months. everything else aside, it still freaks me out that i am to face yet another chapter in my twisted life. i'm screaming my guts out and i want to break free.
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyy.
it seems only like yesterday when i used to always think of how i looked whenever i'd step out of the house and head to school (yes, vanity possessed me in freshman year). i thought that was enough, and continued on with what i thought i had to do. soph year, here come the fireworks. however glad (and devastated) i was of my resounding 'first' year in college, i wanted to do something else.
and so, the magic happened. :) hurrah for it still happening until now! :) the hardships i've thankfully endured equip my paper being, recycling and recycling my every inch.
well, the rest of my years were quite topsy-turvy (in a good way, of course). though life was somewhat this and somewhat that, i'm not complaining at all.
word to the curious: i can't finish this right now. for more of my mindless ramblings, WAIT. haha :)
*laa-dee-dah...*
breathe... let it go...
this has virtually annihilated the rest of my mantras, lurking in the varying convolutions of my beauteous brain for the past freaking months. everything else aside, it still freaks me out that i am to face yet another chapter in my twisted life. i'm screaming my guts out and i want to break free.
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyy.
it seems only like yesterday when i used to always think of how i looked whenever i'd step out of the house and head to school (yes, vanity possessed me in freshman year). i thought that was enough, and continued on with what i thought i had to do. soph year, here come the fireworks. however glad (and devastated) i was of my resounding 'first' year in college, i wanted to do something else.
and so, the magic happened. :) hurrah for it still happening until now! :) the hardships i've thankfully endured equip my paper being, recycling and recycling my every inch.
well, the rest of my years were quite topsy-turvy (in a good way, of course). though life was somewhat this and somewhat that, i'm not complaining at all.
word to the curious: i can't finish this right now. for more of my mindless ramblings, WAIT. haha :)
*laa-dee-dah...*
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)