Dear John

Dear John,

It's been a lazy looong day. I woke up late this afternoon morning, and have only eaten puffed Cheetos and a chocolate-and-peanut butter sandwich since. I'm speechless, I'm tired, I want something new to happen. But since my lazy ass is home, I've been thinking. A LOT.

It's been crazy on Twitter the entire day. Hate, disbelief, love, discontent, hope and bashing are a few of the emotions people seemingly pour onto their tweets. Hate, being that of the Hong Kong Government to the Philippines. Disbelief at our Miss Universe contender's response to her final question. Love for Ma. Venus Raj, Miss Universe 2010 4th Runner-Up, coupled with contented messages of her feat--bringing recognition to our country is no easy task--flooded Tweetworld [at least mine]. Hope, that someday, yesterday's Quirino Grandstand bloodbath will just be a faint memory to and of Filipinos to the rest of the world. Bashing, of everyone who's anyone and anyone who's alive.

Makes me think, really. Do we really have all the answers? Most people who tweet think so. And then most of them suddenly change their minds when they are contradicted. Again, that is just SO Filipino. Not entirely, in defense of the rest of the Filipinos who stand up for what they know, but a lot of Filipinos are so. Might as well not tweet at all and wait for the idea you want to show up on AND THEN start tweeting. It's not like you're not allowed to say what's on your minds, but at least stick to your beliefs. That's all i'm saying.

Annoying, annoying.

Sheesh. Seemingly everything's been topsy-turvy lately. Not that i'm succumbing to bum-ness and regressing to what I swore I would not let myself go into, but there's just some great sadness disappointment to all of this. It's not incompetence, I know. It's just the TIMES.

So, John, okay. I'll stop whining now and be fine with everything. Speaking of which, i'm kinda craving for a Nonfat Grande White Chocolate Mocha and Banoffee Pie. And it really didn't help that as I was rummaging through my old files, I found this:

So, thank you , John, for making me realize I put myself on house arrest today. :)

Love, Jai

lost for words

I would conventionally pounce on the idea that I will be lashing out on randomness and vexation, but earlier tonight, everything seemed a little different. As much as I would've loved to contemplate on negativism and doltish ideals, I acknowledged the fact that life must go on and I must become more of a human being [meaning, I should let go of all the "inarte" and deal with everything].

And then the magic happened.

Because I am a total genius, I courageously ordered a triple shot of espresso with my not-so-customized, mocha-based, cream-infested drink. I mean, they initially forgot to add the caramelly demon to my aching cup, but then, because I banked on OC-ness and verification, I finally got what I wanted.

I think.

The amazing thing is that, the moment people around me go episodal, I revert back to my fighting stance and try to save the day. Problem is, these past few times my coffee has been triple-dosed with the "elixir of life," [it revives you like crazy, DUH.] I commence the episodal tidalwave and then eat my words when my confederates fall prey to my mood.

Wuuuu-saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh.

In celebration of the year of the Tiger [can you say "birth year"??? HELLO.], I will cease unleashing sarcasm and try to be all angelic and stuff.

And then I suddenly change my mind.

So, to cut the story short, OR, to go back to my original train of thought, I turn into a sap and provide counsel on life's complexities to the bewildered.

Of course, I am not a total rock when it comes to matters of cardiac processes. So, of course, a tear that shouldn't be lying on the cheeks [or sleeve, for that matter] of someone I care about makes me CALMLY reach for that effing panic buttton.

So, as I gab and blabber on the workings of the mind, I hope and I pray that a miracle dawns upon our lowly minds, and we realize that nothing we have is perfect.

It breaks my heart to see people break, and it melts my insides when smiles melt from the faces of the people I deem important.

But that's not the point. The point is that that freak of a situation pulls them down, dragging you as well into an inescapable blob of confusion and pain. And then you realize that you are just as confused as they are, and you start rethinking everything you've been saying. But you don't.

What you do is kill the drama, clear your head, and believe that some semblance of a reality is still stuck there, unraveling truth to the idea that there is a bright side to your life's disappointments. So, you hang on to a hope that everything will fall into place, while secretly wishing that you didn't make a mistake in anything you just said.

Because you admit that you don't know squat about what they just heard you say, and complain that your insides have been affected by deep-seated caffeine.

But it seems as if everyone still believes you. Which is utterly crazy.

But, at the back of your mind, when everyone has gone, you mindlessly ramble on about everything that went through your head in those precious hours and get frustrated with the fact that everything cannot be put into words.

And then you look out the window, and see the sun coming out. And you realize you just spent the entire night awake.

And then finally, you plead to the heavens that no one has discovered your secret. Which is far from happening, after what you just did.