nice to know

So, my sister-in-law steps out of their room and sees me in the fully-lighted family room at 4am.

Gia: Oh, you're still up?
Me: *points at transes*

*We both smile*

Feels good to know someone in the family understands. :)

oh well :)

the past weekend gave me a whooooole lot to digest. yes, it's the celebration of the summer i missed and will probably be missing a lot more as the years go by. it's also a wake up call, time is asking me to just shut up and let it go. ;)

i shall not dwell on sadness or anything else that will make me counterproductive. instead, i shall think of the bright side and bask in the emptiness of--well--feeling empty relieved for a minute.

it honestly took a bit of a while to swallow the truth i just saw [that's what i get for going ninja on that person]. hahaha. :) lesson learned--i shall not investigate anymore. especially when it involves matters of the heart. ;) 

and it kind of doesn't help if your mom thinks you go out and have dates when really, you study your behind off. i swear, it's not even funny.

i will get my happiness, soon. just you wait. ;)

2:58 am

that effing phone wouldn't stop ringing at 2:58 am. and when i finally got up to answer it, IT STOPPED.

somebody gag me now please.

and i've been up since. enough to [1] finally get sooooo bored with tapfish, tapzoo, coin frenzy and all the other games on my mom's iPad; [2] toss and turn in bed, while turning the fan off and then on and then off and then on again because it would be chilly and then i'd feel warm and then it gets chilly again and then i feel warm again *sheesh!!!,* and; [3] enough to find out that my parents aren't home yet.

wow. nightouts. :) heehee. though it's my brother's thing they were supervising, i would think they'd just go home and have the crew take over. but no. oh well. at least now they're home, sound asleep and getting the rest they very much deserve.

i had a rollercoaster day today. i was initially ecstatic because i had finally attended at least one simbang gabi for this year--though anticipated--and the added bonus of a fruteez hour and a half instantly made my evening. :) i didn't care it was raining--nothing could ruin my day. and then i knew i thought wrong. a slight twist of fate dampened my elated spirits and kicked my happy place's sorry ass.

of course, the discontinued sojourn cleared my nimbus mood, primarily because i was allowed to breathe and let the bad vibes go. but, of course, what helped the most was the extensive walking and my kiddie treat for myself-- mcdonald's chicken and spaghetti :)

i seriously forgot about that when i was too concerned about growing up. and now that i randomly return to it, i re-appreciate the simple joys i had as a kid. which is exactly what i did last night. :)

and it's half past 6 now. i need to recharge before later's shift--and fast.

bad vibes, begone! :)

lost for words

I would conventionally pounce on the idea that I will be lashing out on randomness and vexation, but earlier tonight, everything seemed a little different. As much as I would've loved to contemplate on negativism and doltish ideals, I acknowledged the fact that life must go on and I must become more of a human being [meaning, I should let go of all the "inarte" and deal with everything].

And then the magic happened.

Because I am a total genius, I courageously ordered a triple shot of espresso with my not-so-customized, mocha-based, cream-infested drink. I mean, they initially forgot to add the caramelly demon to my aching cup, but then, because I banked on OC-ness and verification, I finally got what I wanted.

I think.

The amazing thing is that, the moment people around me go episodal, I revert back to my fighting stance and try to save the day. Problem is, these past few times my coffee has been triple-dosed with the "elixir of life," [it revives you like crazy, DUH.] I commence the episodal tidalwave and then eat my words when my confederates fall prey to my mood.

Wuuuu-saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh.

In celebration of the year of the Tiger [can you say "birth year"??? HELLO.], I will cease unleashing sarcasm and try to be all angelic and stuff.

And then I suddenly change my mind.

So, to cut the story short, OR, to go back to my original train of thought, I turn into a sap and provide counsel on life's complexities to the bewildered.

Of course, I am not a total rock when it comes to matters of cardiac processes. So, of course, a tear that shouldn't be lying on the cheeks [or sleeve, for that matter] of someone I care about makes me CALMLY reach for that effing panic buttton.

So, as I gab and blabber on the workings of the mind, I hope and I pray that a miracle dawns upon our lowly minds, and we realize that nothing we have is perfect.

It breaks my heart to see people break, and it melts my insides when smiles melt from the faces of the people I deem important.

But that's not the point. The point is that that freak of a situation pulls them down, dragging you as well into an inescapable blob of confusion and pain. And then you realize that you are just as confused as they are, and you start rethinking everything you've been saying. But you don't.

What you do is kill the drama, clear your head, and believe that some semblance of a reality is still stuck there, unraveling truth to the idea that there is a bright side to your life's disappointments. So, you hang on to a hope that everything will fall into place, while secretly wishing that you didn't make a mistake in anything you just said.

Because you admit that you don't know squat about what they just heard you say, and complain that your insides have been affected by deep-seated caffeine.

But it seems as if everyone still believes you. Which is utterly crazy.

But, at the back of your mind, when everyone has gone, you mindlessly ramble on about everything that went through your head in those precious hours and get frustrated with the fact that everything cannot be put into words.

And then you look out the window, and see the sun coming out. And you realize you just spent the entire night awake.

And then finally, you plead to the heavens that no one has discovered your secret. Which is far from happening, after what you just did.

Keeping the Faith

after a fairly pleasurable encounter with the ties that bind, madame karen and i trotted to dapitan to await our chariot en route to jem's abode. much to our disbelief, we spotted a partly-hidden house of haunted horrors (try spelling shop-a-holic, our worst nightmare ;p) somewhere down the road and impulsively and almost literally jumped off our chariot to seek for an adventure.

let's just say impossible is nothing. ;)

long story short, our thirst for adventure was quenched in some guilt-ridden way and we loaded on sinful sweets prior to heading back to the road where we were once going. too bad, though, the rain was starting to pour as we finally made our way through the annoying traffic of the busy streets of manila. just as we disembarked the carriage we last rode, we were faced with the awful truth that times have changed (additional charges now apply, haha!).

every moment of this spontaneous escapade was laced with the dread of actually succumbing to the truth that we have been waiting to hear for the past couple of weeks... despite that, however, we got down to business and began the journey to photoshop haven.

moments such as this make you realize how much you miss of the easy life you once had, one that required less energy and effort to grow to love. however, since time pushes us to grow and escalate, we make do with what we have and trod towards the unknown. and, sometimes, we end up loving the unknown too.

it makes me laugh to think that i got so accustomed to sleeping in the morning that i never even got tempted to hurry to dreamland the entire night we spent there. i sang out loud and impressively stayed alive amidst the droopy faces i saw, and ever-so-energetically joined in on the conversation about life and loves lost (yes, go emo mode! ;D). the moment of clarity was painfully induced by my playlist choice as i decided to randomly select a name of my fancy on the ipod that graced jem's uber-burgis ipod dock. much to our enjoyment, we relived the times as we listened to the soothing sounds of boyzIImen and whathaveyou.


barf bags, anyone? ;p

methinks remembering is healthy, though. it keeps you on your toes and doesn't allow you to take things as they are. the act and art of remembering gives your neurons a workout, and you turn over a new leaf every single time. soon enough, you will be saying hello to maturity and to the rest of the beauteous world. ;)


things will never be the same, i know. and as i conclude a part of my humble beginnings, i shall live to see the day i leave with a heavy heart and a smile on my face. i am not at all times so mean, after all. ;)

oh, and by the way, our prayers have been answered. ;) if this will be God's plan for us, let's al hope we make it good. like what we've been saying, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. ;)


"one cannot question the existence of feelings. they are there, raw and undeniable... but one can choose not to nurture what is felt. yet, no matter what they say, what has been felt will always be more honest than what was chosen."