closing time

last day things. will be back when all is done. i'll miss you, teammates and batch12! :)

There's a sad sort of clanging from the clock in the hall

And the bells in the steeple, too

And up in the nursery an absurd little bird

Is popping out to say coo-coo

(Coo-coo, coo-coo)

Regretfully they tell us, but firmly they compel us

to say goodbye to you

So long, farewell Auf Wiedersehen, goodnight

I hate to go and leave this pretty sight

So long, farewell Auf Wiedersehen, adieu

Adieu, adieu to you and you and you

So long, farewell Au revoir, Auf Weidersehen

I'd like to stay and taste my first champagne

So long, farewell Auf Weidersehen, goodbye

I leave and heave a sigh and say goodbye

Goodbye

I'm glad to go I cannot tell a lie

I flit, I float I fleetly flee, I fly

The sun has gone to bed and so must I

So long, farewell Auf Weidersehen, goodbye

Goodbye

Goodbye

Goodbye

Goodbye

when everything gets crappy

we are prohibited to speak...

... and we laugh our brains out.

new blood

life's been seriously telling me that the change i finally thrust myself into is good. and it's something i completely see myself doing-- maybe not everyday, but it's something i choose to do --for a long period of time, at least.

the inadequacy of it all poses a bigger challenge to most people, especially to me. just because it's not going to be fun if you actually suck at it. ;p

we've had quite a number of notable moments in the fast-tracked world we're desperately trying to survive in. in most cases, we amuse ourselves and play the eternal games training will allow you to do-- taboo, charades and/or pictionary. and, of course, in the midst of all that "hard work," we make sure we spend time loosening up our brain waves. hence, exhibit A:

Francis tries out ACTUALLY using the microphone.

of course, Exhibit A fails. and so in the greater scheme of things, we just pretend he's using the microphone and bask in the megaphone-ness of his voice. HAHAHA.

and then, because we refuse to just watch, OF COURSE, we do Exhibit B:

The girls minus Shen

and the rest, as they say, is history. :)

new blood 2.0

to make things more interesting, there are those events in life you just can't live without, like birthdays. :) primarily because... had you not been born, you wouldn't need one of these. heehee :)

so, to make our ailing [girl pains, helloooo.] trainer's day bright and shiny--and teary. LOL--we loving folks schemed away and came up with these babies:

since we had only a few hours to get things done, naturally, we got resourceful and used office paraphernalia essentials to make things--erm--present-worthy. :)

colored newsprint c/o manong guard and ate from the pantry, brown card-ish thing from 7eleven [which was actually the back of one long brown envelope], magic tape and colored pens from rhea herself [HAHA]. 

• "card" cover design and message courtesy of yours truly
• caricatures [will post photo later] by francis
• flowers made by erwin
• box and movable bird origami-fied by ray
• box assembly and final touches by joth

kudos to the team for a job well done! :D

and then everybody got transformed into bite-size creations and looked like this:

it's kind of alarming, though, that my face is as wide as my hips here. boooo. HAHAHA. :)) but still. that's reason enough to go on and keep moving so it doesn't actually happen. LOL.

that's VW Batch 12 for you :)

blast from the past

Saturday, November 14, 2009 at 9:11pm

WHOA.

I have been resisting the strangest urge to rearrange the files I've accumulated online since time immemorial. However, due to time constraints, i willfully extinguish the desire to do so just because I am, in large part, exhausted in varying levels--physically, mentally, and emotionally--and that's not gonna stop anytime soon.

As I was browsing through old accounts, profiles, and blogs, I stumbled upon one entry that evoked bittersweet endings, with a personal aww-factor injected here and there.

It's just crazy how I came up with this rambling in the middle of the afternoon, in a not-so-comforting venue, and with a mind-blowing dose of indifference everywhere I looked. I may have shunned the world from my me-moment and dived into the drowning seas of my heart at this time, but it's still disturbing to know this just came out naturally.

this entry channels memories of turbulent tenure. although momentous, that first step into the working class still sends pangs to my heart when i look back. i may have collected experiences catered to my fancy, but the immensely devastating tidal wave of sorts really welcomed me into the world of the working.

and it wasn't pretty. at all.

what is a "lost cause"? that, apparently, used to be me. and it wasn't pretty. in every sense of the word.

ewwwwww. the cheese, the cheese. melodramatic and fabulous.

-= <3 =-

BEGIN with the END in mind. Always.

It has been a long-standing statement that we should “live life to the fullest.” No one, in my opinion, has ever achieved someone else’s standards of fulfilment. For as much as we try to be the “fulfilled being” they think we should be, we can’t. We can only reach the extent of fulfilment we have set for ourselves.

When I think about actually attaining fulfilment, I remember all my hopes and dreams, and the million things more I want to get to feel that I’ve made it. But it would be too idealistic to believe that every whim I have is attainable.

Now that I know better, I see my fulfilment and success in the intangible aspects I can live up to and imbibe in everything I do. I want to be remembered by my family as the daughter who cared, the one who was there when things didn't go right. I want to be seen as the one who made life bearable for everyone (even to my friends), and the sister who thought of others more than she did herself. I want to be seen as the one who made mistakes but was not scared to own up to it, as the imperfect daughter and sister who brought sadness and disappointment to the house, but tried her hardest to make things right. I want my family to believe I tried to be perfect, but couldn't, that's why they loved me anyway and saw me as perfect… in a very imperfect way.

I want my friends to remember me as the one who had fun, but made sense; a good person who never failed to lend a helping hand or a shoulder to lean on. I want to be seen as someone who was there, and who gave herself to the people she cared about the most. I want them to remember that I looked out for them, and shared their hell with them. I want to be the imperfect friend they fought with, the one who was brave enough to stress the times when she made mistakes herself. Above all, I want everyone to remember me, not as the successful singer, dancer, or actress I want to be, not as the doctor or psychologist I will try to be, but the “imperfect success” who found fulfilment in surpassing life’s challenges with a smile on her face.

<3 Jai

to vent is a beautiful opportunity. to keep silent is self-induced death. ;)

before rambling mindlessly about life's perils, i'd like to say thanks to those who replied to my momentous venting 2 nights ago.

i mean, it was generally not a requirement to acknowledge the hair-pulling sensation creeping into my bloodstream, but the acknowledgements were touching nonetheless. :)

[see, jemmy, this is a happy note. ;) ]

and to those who were not able to reply, no worries. i still love you all :) i'm in a loving mood today, although most of the people i've been talking to for the past few hours drive me to insanity by the second. and because i promised this would be a happy note, i'm sharing the love. :)

... BUT, of course, making this a happy note doesn't imply i can't be mean too. ;p [cue evil laughter :)) ]

-= <3 =-

since this is waaay overdue, i'd just like to dwell on other people's misfortune first and reiterate why that somehow made my day. this is not at all intended to be as mean as it sounds, but there's definitely a more logical explanation to me feeling better over what made this person agitated.

while feeling utterly disheveled because of the stress that hit me in the face, i trudged along the hallway in stark disarray and mindlessly grabbed my oversized bag from the miniscule gap that pretended to be my locker. as i was painfully fumbling with my padlock combination, some random heavily-breathing girl rushed to the locker across mine and started ranting about how her scarf got lost on her way to work.

in my lamest attempt to come up with a candid response, i looked up and realized she was indeed directing her soliloquy at me. flashing a haphazard smile, i just said, "hmm?"

she seemed to ramble on about how her sister gave her that scarf she just washed THAT was silky AND was beautiful AND was now lost in space BECAUSE it slipped from her bag AS she left the cab she rode on her way to work yesterday BECAUSE she was rushing BUT she says she's really mindful of her things BUT it was unfortunate that it happened AND her sister will kill her when she finds out that she lost it SO she'll rationally explain that it was an accident AND she wishes the scarf was picked up by some person who really needed it WHICH would make her at least feel better about the misfortune, without even thinking that i am uninterested to hear it.

summoning my will to understand randomness, i reacted sporadically and showed that i care. as it turns out, seeing how irritated this rather cheeky lady was about losing something she treasured so much, i felt i didn't need to feel so bad after all. there are better things in life to worry about, and i'm not going to let the stress eat me alive.

and now, with a badly needed series of deep breaths, i marvel at the lucid parameters that life presents me. and i flash a much-needed megawatt smile at the realization that i am not the most unfortunate person in the world. :)

so, to get back to the ultimate reason for this note, venting actually did me good. :D

For the Lack of A Better Outlet: A TRIPLE THREAT

--- 22 september 2009, approximately 11:00 pm ---

because of the elating moments that transpired just a few hours ago, i cannot help thinking back on the olden days when life was less complicated.

you went to school, played with your friends, and went back home. homework before spending countless hours in front of the tv, going to bed at 8 [although sometimes negotiable], but sneaking out in the middle of the night to watch reruns of your favorite show on the ichannel. hating to get out of bed at 5 or 6 am to get ready for yet another day of school. the same teachers, classmates, and everything, day in, day out. waiting for dear old dad to come pick you up. lazily walk around the house before doing anything productive.

awww. that WAS the life.

then again, i get smidgens of that right now-- the same thing day in, day out, with an injection of spontaneity once in a while. living in my own time, and not missing a step. when you think about it, you would say i've retained a little more old school ways than i actually need. but still, things HAVE changed. and no matter how much i rationalize, they will continue changing and will never make me stop wondering.

yes, i will prove that i am a sap because i quote Filipino movies. but i don't care. it fits into the moment like it was made for it:

"i want to stop wondering 'what IF'. i want to know 'what IS.'"

or something to that effect.

but still, i don't know what's keeping me from actually taking the step to bringing my dreams to reality. like i said, confusion's a bitch. elation makes one knowledgeable of the best things that could happen. although momentary, they show you a world that is achievable and liveable [if there is such a word] only in the depths of your desires. then again, desires do not stay alive forever. they fade, lose their spark, and seemingly extinguish their flames through the winds of time. and no matter how much you try to rekindle that flame, time has done its part in making you realize that the dream is now just a dream, that the reality you once knew is a reality no more.

--- 24 september 2009 9:34 pm---

in a matter of days, my views on life and the present have seemingly vaporized.

no worries, though, i'm fine and still encased in indecision.

however, elation feels so much better when experienced firsthand, having manipulated a random chain of events... but guess what? THAT JUST HAPPENED. :)

SOOO, all i can say is a "kaboom" to those untrue and hurrah to the victorious smirk i now have glued on on my face. love me, hate me, or whatever tickles your fancy, GO AHEAD.

because the only question i will ask you is:

HAS IT EVER OCCURRED TO YOU THAT I DON'T CARE? :D [with lash-batting action]

so now, i rest my case. :)

--- 25 september 2009 05:26 am ---

again, in a matter of hours, more facets of life have unfolded before my eyes.

let me channel my present state to this note and unleash the drama oblivious to the illiterate.

it's amazingly funny on millions of levels that hormonal bouts are seemingly passed on to my male friends. i mean, my female allies have just surpassed them this week, but my mojo-loving friends have increasingly been acquiring "traits" women are most commonly known to have: HORMONES. it just knocks my socks off that my triad [a.k.a. connivance team] has inherited the traits i am well-known for, and they are crazily enjoying the ride. well, of course, i am constantly being blamed for discovering the "HormoBot," [in the desperate attempt to make a statement to the annoyance that is a selection of people around me at night] but of course, things are acknowledged and appreciated just the same.

you gotta love education, and i'm sure my connivance team, et al. loves it even more. haha

cheers to more eventful moments then, let this world be a world to find friends in [hi friends!]. ;p

(the end of something simple, and the beginning of everything else.)

(Tonight will be just another night. What makes me nostalgic, however, is the idea that every SK i shall hear and utter tonight will bring me closer to 8:45 am.)

post-shift chill will be on hold...

my happy birthday krispy kreme day :)

the time-consuming quest for a shot will be held, too :o

(for the most part, i am excited like crazy for this transition. but what makes it ache is knowing that i will be leaving (though momentary) a team i have grown to love. argh, makes it even harder to pack, because of the frenzied activity my brain chooses to be in.)

bye bye team building sa beach though ayaw ni monette ... :(

though encased in weirdness, i had a lot of fun :)

( i leave with an even heavier heart, because i'm saying see you later to 2 teams i know and love. this other team is my living proof that friendship surpasses boundaries (most of it, at least). no matter how far our bays are, we alipins still go nesting mode when we get the chance, and it saddens me in unparalleled proportions that i shall leave the rest of the pioneers of the 9s. )

the alipins ng salapi... :)

hello, graduation. :)

( for the record, i'll miss YOU all, no matter what you brought into my stay here. be it irritability or sheer joy, i'm still thankful to have met you (well, whoever YOU are). )

GA SK bio team...

yihee. go a-team!

( SO, a "see you when i see you" is in session, and ttyl to everyone :D )

( be seeing you guys, all the best to you ;D )

dazed and confused

for a while there, i thought i was sucked into the twilight zone...

and then i opened my eyes.

of course, a computer screen with a single, almost monochroamtic window and multifarious boxes met my ever-so-fluttering eyes.

oops, i'm at work. :D

(but i'm home now, was just channeling the wonders of relay and beyond.Ü)

SOOOO.

those fated meetings were bound to conclude, and my seemingly hopeless journey towards unearthing the fossils of way back when magically and almost instantly presented themselves right in my face. so much for waiting for time to cease all foggy madness, i am now facing hard-core facts.

but, of course, since we all know that life brings us a plethora of surprises "every each time," let me go for the gold by saying i have learned a GARGANTUAN amount in those last few hours i spent as slave to life's effort to teach us the ropes with matters of momentary unfair-ness.

as much as i would like to elaborate, i can only say that i pray for the best for all the friends i know will enter the realm of judgment one of these days. all my love to you all. as for those hanging on to dear life, however, you guys know i am too. Ü

in whatever way, shape, or form people may see how life makes an effort to make us learn what we need to epitomize in our beings, i just want to let you all know i'll be here for the long haul. i don't know what else may happen in the next few days, but whatever it is, allow me to smile and finally put my panic button to rest. 2 days straight of panicky haven is REALLY not a good idea. :)

ANYWAY.

for whatever purpose i may be responding to, i know i want this right now. so, let us channel warrior princesses and be soldiers in our separate ordeals. i know i've contributed by heeding to wisdom's call and finally opening up ("no holds barred," haha!!!) and i know my piece was well-stated and finely-tuned. however, the most recent chain of events got me thinking. argh.

what to do, what to do.

i am just a puzzle of irregular sorts right now. i have just woven unceasing blabber and have turned it into a slave of eternity. for whatever it's worth, things are going to get better. let's make sure it does. Ü

luxurious sleep should be attained as well, to promote a healthier lifestyle and a paced heart. so, i shall retire. :)

off to the mattresses i go! ;p

the beginning of randoms i will have to get out of my system :)

Entry #1
1. so, okay, yes. i missed hanging out with the alipins. kind of got a bit of that when jona and i chilled post-shift. :)
2. my current addiction: starbucks' iced (though i have it iced less) triple shot venti white chocolate mocha... yum!
3. i think the random flurry of cheese in one's life makes everything seem okay :) (read: one more chance) haha!
4. it's hard to miss people when you don't want them to know you miss them... because really, it'll show one way or another. waaaah loser. haha :)
5. weekend shifts are less eventful, which is great, but a tad lonely (missed you earlier, teammates. :( eww sappy.)
6. i know have to stop drinking coffee in the morning if i want to get myself some decent sleep.
7. i couldn't care less about my cheap-ass phone, but it would be great if i make myself buy myself a new one soon (post-birthday gift, haha!).
8. i just had the most bittersweet birthday, and i'm fine with it. :)
9. this is the first year ever that i didn't majorly celebrate my birthday. :)
10. people can surprise you sometimes. :)
11. i patiently await my Love Actually dvd... ahem!!! :D
12. i think i know, but i still don't. :)
13. i have just been informed that pearls actually enhance something if you wear them. i have no idea what that is, but i will sure as hell try not to wear them for the time being. (love you though, trish! i still heart the bracelet despite what donna and joseph said.:D)
14. i'm having fun with my teammates and not-so-teammates so far :) haha!
15. facebook is starting to get addictive for some strange, demented reason. :O
16. i'm a sucker for romantic comedies, which is why i need that cheesiness in my life at certain times, whether or not the film is foreign. :)
17. i still have to get that blasted Single Ladies mode out of my system.
18. i believe in retail therapy. :)
19. my refuge is nowhere to be found at the moment. :o
20. right now, i don't know what that refuge actually is... :o

like i said, randoms. ;)

To Infinity and Beyond

breaks are fun. :)

whenever i interact with people i do not really get to talk to that much, i find myself amazed at what i end up learning about that person and about myself. chance is such a good friend, it hands you life lessons at the most unexpected of times.

this is why i thrive in unreliability (despite my evident OC moments). sure, being planned and ready for anything is great, but living in the moment is fun as well. :) what i originally thought of as unreliable turned out to be something i'd cherish after all. if it weren't for the frequent breaks, i never would have come in contact with all these realizations that invaded my safeguarded ideals.

it is in these moments when i can say that the person who invented the phrase looks can be deceiving is indeed brilliant in every sense of the word. one simply cannot bank on visuals to know about life and the mysteries that lie beneath its portals, but must focus a keener eye on actually feeling what more there is in a being.

it's great that there actually are people still by my side, who give me enough credit to cancel all the intrigue around the world and focus on the facts. :) it's not our problem anymore if some people can't stand how i am, i'm here to enjoy the ride. whoever you are, though, bite me.

hahahaha :D

A Little Less Complicated

i have no freaking idea what everything that has been happening means.


they say these things are what normally happens in my newfound industry, and my rigidity feels robbed. my plan for all seasons has failed to cater to my OC attacks and i have to conform to the unreliability of life too...


oh, the horror, the horror.


oh well, at least i have my wave-mates to be with. i have to master the art of letting go once again, though... letting go of the life principles i've strictly adhered to somehow and enjoy the ride.


while life was attacking my rigidity last night, i frantically browsed through my phonebook and rang everyone i felt i could talk to. 3 people loved me enough to reply, but kim (replyer#1) was short on battery, and jb (replyer#2) was preparing for work. good thing roy (ringer#1) rang moi, and thank goodness, i was able to talk to someone. life is still great, despite the attacks at my weary spirit. :)


what's with the personal attack, right? oh well. :)


blame it on "that's life". :)


oh yeah, jb rang me too after a while. but then roy was with me already, so i cut it short. i promised, though, to tell him everything once i have time, and so i'll email him right after this. haha :)


***


From a blimp far beyond outer space

***



i've been chatting with a friend from college for the past half-hour (ish), and yes, i have updated her on the perils of my sick, sad life. what was that, reza? go for gold? let's see. :p i've had a lecture from my everdearest "high school" best friend already, papa roy, and i want to keep myself sane and "nag-free" for a moment so i can properly function.



only time will tell, though. whatever happens, i'll make sure i'm prepared. i will never again succumb to pressure. yes, we all know how that went.


when pertaining to life in general, yes, everything is a little less complicated. but then again, i reassess where i am, and i find myself shocked with what i haven't been paying attention to that much. everything is equally important, but something really pushes itself to the surface of my brainwaves so much more than the others... i have NO IDEA where this is going, and i'm extremely scared. i just hope the dreaded cloud of confusion clears up soon.


as much as i would want to elaborate to clear my head of the mental trauma i receive by the second, i can't. i have to figure things out myself, and yeah, if in doubt, deal with it. there's no way this is going to be easier, so i'll have to face it and learn the awful truth myself.


i would give almost anything to be able to get out of this rut. if only things would fall into place and the world would give me a break and succumb to my rigidity... sadly, though, i am merely a space ant in this extraterrestrial dimension we live in.


sad snaps for jaimie...

oh well. upside or downside, i'm on life's side for the long haul. :)

see you on the flipside. :)

The Beginning of an End

Welcome to the world of the employed. Thank goodness I am not a bum anymore. Today marks my third week of training, and the onset of the flurry of migraines I shall expect and deal with.

Haaaaay. Life goes on. Like what many people would say, "If it doesn't kill you, it's gonna make you stronger." On that note, I start my piece.

In a nutshell, this entry screams the realization that I never thought two weeks of BST would actually make a difference in my life. I used to think it was just something I'd sleep through, a little something that will bore me to death. But, alas, I was wrong. As I attended class, the magic of enjoying work unfolded right in front of my eyes. Despite being the outspoken nut that I am, I am left amazed at what had transpired for the last two weeks of my existence. I gained so much more than I could ever have imagined, thanks to my new-found friends, colleagues (collage? ;p), and educators in and out of the office.

This is the supposed last written assessment we would submit, but our "facilitator" asked us to keep it instead. It summons a multitude of emotions, of course, and I had to fake sanity while reading it. It makes me feel nice, though, that people respond to what I wrote, though I originally thought it made how I am the epitome of imperfect.

With a special request by my day-long partner, Mia, i post this...

************************************************

BEGIN with the END in mind. Always.

It has been a long-standing statement that we should “live life to the fullest.” No one, in my opinion, has ever achieved someone else’s standards of fulfilment. For as much as we try to be the “fulfilled being” they think we should be, we can’t. We can only reach the extent of fulfilment we have set for ourselves.

When I think about actually attaining fulfilment, I remember all my hopes and dreams, and the million things more I want to get to feel that I’ve made it. But it would be too idealistic to believe that every whim I have is attainable.

Now that I know better, I see my fulfilment and success in the intangible aspects I can live up to and imbibe in everything I do. I want to be remembered by my family as the daughter who cared, the one who was there when things didn't go right. I want to be seen as the one who made life bearable for everyone (even to my friends J), and the sister who thought of others more than she did herself. I want to be seen as the one who made mistakes but was not scared to own up to it, as the imperfect daughter and sister who brought sadness and disappointment to the house, but tried her hardest to make things right. I want my family to believe I tried to be perfect, but couldn't, that's why they loved me anyway and saw me as perfect… in a very imperfect way.

I want my friends to remember me as the one who had fun, but made sense; a good person who never failed to lend a helping hand or a shoulder to lean on. I want to be seen as someone who was there, and who gave herself to the people she cared about the most. I want them to remember that I looked out for them, and shared their hell with them. I want to be the imperfect friend they fought with, the one who was brave enough to stress the times when she made mistakes herself. Above all, I want everyone to remember me, not as the successful singer, dancer, or actress I want to be, not as the doctor or psychologist I will try to be, but the “imperfect success” who found fulfilment in surpassing life’s challenges with a smile on her face.J