Taking Time Off

If not for the onset of temporary insanity, i would still be working my behind off.

breathe... let it go...

this has virtually annihilated the rest of my mantras, lurking in the varying convolutions of my beauteous brain for the past freaking months. everything else aside, it still freaks me out that i am to face yet another chapter in my twisted life. i'm screaming my guts out and i want to break free.

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyy.

it seems only like yesterday when i used to always think of how i looked whenever i'd step out of the house and head to school (yes, vanity possessed me in freshman year). i thought that was enough, and continued on with what i thought i had to do. soph year, here come the fireworks. however glad (and devastated) i was of my resounding 'first' year in college, i wanted to do something else.

and so, the magic happened. :) hurrah for it still happening until now! :) the hardships i've thankfully endured equip my paper being, recycling and recycling my every inch.

well, the rest of my years were quite topsy-turvy (in a good way, of course). though life was somewhat this and somewhat that, i'm not complaining at all.

word to the curious: i can't finish this right now. for more of my mindless ramblings, WAIT. haha :)

*laa-dee-dah...*

The UST Singers Hears Christmas Sing!

yes, people.

tonight's the night to hear Christmas Sing! :)

Check out the UST Singers
"Hear Christmas Sing!"
at the
UST Quadricentennial Square (Fountain area behind the Main Bldg) TONIGHT, DECEMBER 11 (Tuesday) at 6:30 in the evening.

FREE ADMISSION Ü

Hope to see you there! :)

So Little Time (soooo much to do!)

it just dawned upon moi that i have exactly four hours tomorrow to edit my future.

toast. that's what i'll be.

brain-wracking tension aside, i am now initiating another phase in my life--one that hopefully would end in a few months, one i'd be glad to say goodbye to. back in high school, i never would have thought fighting to survive college would actually bring you to hell and back. i just knew hell would be there (and, of course, heaven too), but i had several inklings concerning luck and compassion i hoped like crazy to be enough. or so i thought. i've had my pitfalls, those random semi-freudian moments i know so well, and my world sporadically crumbling to oblivion, but it was fun swimming in the mess somehow. the past couple of weeks taught me that there actually exists such a thing as justice in this beautiful--albeit crime-infested--world. the legacy of a few real friends made me realize the absence of "the box."

[okay, think of the box as what you think out of when you want to do something creative. for those who got it, congratulations. for those who didn't, however, hmmm... never mind.]

it's hilarious that when i start thinking of what to write here, i end up writing a number of my posts for over an hour. i know it's my fault, because i'm a... hmmm... "career-oriented" (there you go.) person, but what can i do? i absolutely love what i'm doing.

paradigm shift.

it is still baffling, though, that i somehow project a one-dimensional image to my acquaintances. for some untold strangeness, it is practically what and who they believe that i am. oh well. the thought just crossed my mind.

i currently possess a cornucopia of fused feelings i badly want to exhale to my immediate world. but things will change, and so will time, so the rest of the world's secrets should be vault-sealed until further notice.

ANYWAYS. i better secure my fate or the rest of the celebrated happiness i have scheduled will bear bad news. au revoir!

I'm Lovin' It

sheraton. belgian waffles, maple syrup, and whipped cream. banana milk. omelettes. new sheets everyday. Über fluffed pillows. taipei night markets. kuku-G. spaG. nai cha. 500 tea store. 50--?. tea bar. 7-eleven. endless wi-fi. cnn. houshanpi. shi lin. taipei main station. national concert hall. taipei philharmonic foundation. fortune & perlette. clothes markets. shoe markets. cotton club singers. subway tokens. adventures. getting lost (haha!). gym. sauna. pool. pabuk (freaky!).



the momentary time of my life.

Trying To Get The Feeling Again

despite the blur that persistently gets caught in my optical nerves, i have no other choice but to ace up my game (AGAIN) and pray like crazy to pull through.

okay, so things were pretty great for the past two weeks. i felt detoxified, of course. to some people, too, i projected well-restedness and an improvement from my previous knocked-out state. is that a good sign? i hope so.

it took something miniscule to help my heart pierce a ray of light through my soul. our high school yearbook, the notorious bearer of hot-headedness and turmoil, just came out (or WILL come out, i don't know). finally. it got to the finish line before i did. :D

so, adieu to sheraton taipei loveliness, back to what's real. prelims, here i come.

Bittersweet Symphony

my life as i know it is evolving by the second. i can barely catch my breath chasing after every millisecond that passes my way.

for what it's worth, this is a fresh start for me. on the other hand, it may mean my demise.

like what i've been saying, i've got to ace up my game even more. normalcy is not an option. regularity is prohibited.

conformity equals death.

i have only the slightest idea why suddenly, a renewed hope has dawned upon me. is it the thought of the perils of yesteryear that brings me to punch through this totally and ridiculously unsymphonic state? perhaps. but then, my worn-out heart is screaming for bandages.

hemorrhage aside, i know i can do this. this ray of light will guide me to where i will be. if all else will fail, i'll make sure i'll be able to exhale and say it's how things should be.

so, goodbye to the pangs of the night's storms, i am on my way to the beyond.

Tonight I Write the Saddest Lines

the title is not a typo nor is this entry a rip-off of pablo neruda's published genius.

i'm just down in the dumps.

The Beginning of the Rest of My Life

because of untold stressors and positive adjustments, my life can start anew.

i'm commencing this schoolyear in good spirits and a refreshed soul. i hope this new-and-improved psyche can help me end a chapter of my life. i'm not saying anything, but i hope (so bad) that everything turns out well.

for what it's worth, i'm missing everything already. but i don't have to say goodbye now. after all, i still have a year to coexist with the humongous population that nerve-wracked the past three (and something) years of my life.

enough with sentimentality, i have a life to live. sure, i will drown in paperwork and head trauma, but i will fight tooth-and-nail to get to the end of this race. see you on the flipside. :)

***kuyaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! i miss you! (eww, sickeningly sweet. :p) call me again when you have time. mondays and wednesdays,2-5; fridays,11-5. bahala ka na magcompute ng time difference, heehee :)***

In an Unnatural State of Calmness

thank God i can finally take a breather.

once this week reaches its conclusion, i will again be thrust right back into Earth. oh well. i shall enjoy the last few days of peace and quiet then.

all the talk i hear on pain and suffering is giving me pain and suffering. will turn off the TV now.

wait, no. i won't. oh well (again). keeping myself entertained with surgeons on the verge of momentary weakness is worth it. go, Grey's Anatomy. :) loved it since ever. and now i get to watch it again. yay for me :)

happy holy week to my vacationing friends, goodluck on and enjoy getting good tans :) toodles :)

(this is clearly a moment of peachy-ness for me. yay, me.)

Topsy-Turvy

welcome to the flipside.

since Lord knows when, my world has been topsy-turvy. i don't know why this keeps on happening, but for whatever reason, i'm completely un-myself these past few days.

more than usual, i mean.

after a fairly eventful weekend and a whole lot of work to do, i am back in the primordial mess i loathe. sensorium clouding ahoy. i'm still at a loss despite that ray of light.

i've got less than a week to pull everything off, and, once again, my sanity is crumbling to oblivion.

Lord, please help me.

Dreaming With A Broken Heart

or is it lying awake with one of these?

my friends are slowly making their way towards mimicking the glory of singlehood. i feel for them, but, as they say, things change.

as much as my weary insides prohibit me from falling into the pit of despair, i am in the slide of my life breathlessly freewheeling into the depths of the unknown. for whatever reason, the pains of life seemingly grab my friends by the hair and i am mercilessly dragged with them. ah, the life of me.

i have just posted an equally life-threatening message in the world that is the online classroom. that may just be the sole judge of my fate. well, i don't really know yet, but something's going to happen soon.

bracing myself again for tomorrow.

New and Improved

so this is how it is being new and improved. haha.

i've been sensing freaky foreshadowing, and i am prepared for battle.

i hope.

my world in a blur

WOW.

i's actually been half a year since i last posted anything here. so much has happened (duh.), i'm afraid i won't give justice to things if i indulge in divulging every nitty-gritty detail there ever existed. so my mouth is shut, my fingers are restricted, and my mind is flying.Ü

it's february again, time for sparks to fly. i wonder...
...
for the longest time, i haven't delved into the idea of veering away from my prissy schedule.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

hmm... should i or should i not? the time may have changed, but the question will forever be the same.

*sigh.*

HEART, actually.

my heart actually hurts.

many of you would think that this was supposed to be entitled "love actually" (as opposed to "heart, actually."), that being one of my all-time fave movies. but it's not, so, whatever.

after witnessing an unexpected moment, it really surprised me that my heart actually hurt--for real. it was neither a mere pang, nor was it a painful twitch; for some weirdly unexplainable reason, it was real pain. it must have been some constriction or a medically-explainable whatnot, but i felt it--i'm feeling it. and it doesn't seem to go away.

this could be an influence of my dear partner-in-crime, to the truest extent that we feel each other's pains now. but i know this is solely mine. with touches of my world's facets maybe, but mostly of right now.

due to events uncalled for, i am again stuck in a rut. "i don't know why i'm frightened, i know my way around here..." for as long as i can remember, i have been baffled with the uncertainties of this same opportunity. but i have no idea why everything scares me so much more now. to quote mine wise sensei, "...there are no mistakes, just lessons to be learned." and i still have no idea why the aftershocks do not insist themselves into my anatomy. although actions have been made by some to sensationalize this supposed bizaare manifestation, my hypothalamus still seeks to ponder on what should be. sure, things are better now. but what makes that an assurance that everything will be fine?

i know, how obsessive of me to be such an automator. but i can't help it if i know deep down that something is definitely up. you can't blame a woman for her intuition, after all. that's what keeps us going. meanwhile, amidst all the hullabaloo, i still cannot fathom what exactly the plan for me is.

i'm going crazy, my head is spinning. i can't just make myself believe that this is fine. my corpus callosum is severed, my hemispheres do not work well anymore. bottomline? i'm toast.

Wrong Place, Wrong Time.

just when i thought things are harboring back smidgens of normalcy, i thrust myself into a world of unchartered dispute. the fallacy that is my knowledge is tested in the waters of uncertainty, i can just die.

why do the beloved live such an inconsequential life? my heart's despair reaches to the depths of the earth's core. sometimes, when you perceive moments as real, you find out pretty soon that it was all a lie.

i knew destiny couldn't have helped ranting about missed instances. i knew right off the bat i was to become an accessory to the complications of varied beadwork. if only i had seen the bigger picture sooner, i would not feel this way.

so, now dear sister is the rancidly unscrupulous being that graced fate's existence. how should she know she's being cursed to oblivion by those dearest to her anatomy? everything is so darn surreal, i hate it.

it's a good thing people rarely grasp the precision of mine inscriptions. add to that the little factoid that is my esotericity. there is solace in the vehemence my veins emit. mi fuera leaps to the bounds of the unknown, and my work will never be done.

i have never felt a melange of such in the past eons of my existence. i am EXTREMELY stupid for having fallen for a lie. and i initiated the truce.

i am such a loser.

i have guarded my physiology against that kind for so long, my walls are crumbling. i am a confused mound of a life. will my alternate universe please set me free?

NEVER AGAIN. half-baked uncertainty in the magnitude of life's shreddings of essential truths. time will come, and i will finally break free from all of this.

please.

Time and Time Again

for the past eons of my life, flakeouts were persistently emerging from the cracks of beyond. as much as i try to work with these dents i dodge with all my might, there is always that one time when all hell breaks loose... and the flakeouts come crashing down on you.

unfortunately, that day had to be today. my sleeplessly quiet dawn was shattered by untold circumstances... and my life morphed into the life i never knew. the life i passed by, the life i saw from a distance.

but i had to live in the agony today. why today? why now that i did not prepare at all? if only i had forseen this...

then again, it is truly wise to expect the unexpected. i know i'm changing, i'm doing all i can to cope. but i wasn't as ready now. God is fair. He leaves you dumbfounded in random moments of your life, and you stare in awe and relentlessly hold on to dear life and to the greater power that is His will. times like these, we all are left mystified of the glory of how He truly is.

i really understand where you're coming from, but what happened happened. it would be hypocritical to say i feel for you ten million percent, but i understand. you also have to understand now that things happen for a reason. and what matters is how you work with it. cliche, yes. but SO true.

these moments are showered upon us to foster the growth of our recklessnesses, to edify us of the truth that there are other people we affect than just ourselves. we are caught unaware, as opposed to grasping every drop of the reality that there is.so what to do?

deal with it.

sounds harsh, but that's life. my flakeouts will come again, but whatever happens, i'll be sticking to it. all that's let for me to do now is BREATHE.

BREATHE...
breathe...
breathe.

madness ahoy

it's 3:03 am and i'm still up.

there's something unnatural about this habit, yet i seem to always result to this.

no classes tomorrow. again. rest is on its way.

despite numerous attempts to regain restlessness, i still succumb to anesthetized frenzy. i'm losing my mind. my brain cells are dissolving into oblivion.

or so i thought.

true enough, the wheels are still turning--incessantly, if i may add--that it hurts. i have just done loads of emailing, my head hurts. the world must be filled with all my blabber by now. and it sucks. if only i knew a few eons ago that the minutes prior to this hour would hook me to the dreaded physical and mental state, i would not have explored the waves too much. meanwhile, i am basking in my sanity in this extremely unholy hour.

i'm melting...

Crime Overdue

world, this'll be bleeped.

(the date is 07 june 2006, 12:14 in the afternoon. the sun is extreme, and a medley of tension and relief is in the air. cinderella, in a plain white uniform carrying a pink and purple largely- checkered bag, age 20, enters, stage right. she walks to the solitary chair at the end of a table on stage left and disarrays notepaper in front of her. she takes out a notebook and a blue pen, and starts to write...)

pitstop haven= unexpected freakland.

i am compelled to digest [with extremely careful initial mastication] a whole chunk of bread in this haven of uncertainty. i seemingly drown myself in agua to further numb my tracts of any solid food intake.

a million thanks to the Lord for a slice of heaven from beyond.Ü and now my premonitions of greater responsibilities [and total euphoria] have been answered. oh yeah!

(she looks around the crowded place and takes a deep breath. eyes closed, she feels the weight of the day's pressures on her shoulders.

another deep breath.

she opens her eyes and continues her astral journey...)

i now know that once again, the issues are alive. or have they ever been dead? i kind of don't think so. oh well. at least the issues are of coolness and untold hubba-hubbas.;)

yipee! albeit ideas of queerness and hands-offness, i am still amazed of my SSP's enthronement and freakish buoyance.

man, oh man. i just LOVE life. maybe all these happened for a reason---for me to really find myself in this ultrachaotic world--and web--of lies and slivers of truth. i may be millions of light-years away from relevance to their kind, but the association is signed, sealed, and delivered. i am in a league of my own, and i am so stinkin' happy about it.

as i savor the final few bites of this breadly uncertainty, i reminisce hearing the valentine's' non-happenings for some people out there. Go sir!Ü

methinks they lurve moi endeavors. they want to shift to my side this time. yeayea! coolness.Ü

i now recognize the past and put together a face and a name. she was the legality to cha's illegality, i get it now. the apple of his eye. haha. now i know.

ano yan?

(point. point. point. she feels unmistakably freakish, but pulls off bouts of a relaxed mind. hurrah!)

the last bite. ubercrisp goodness suddenly deemed delectable by one's picky tastebuds. a sense of heaven in today's events. thank you, Lord!

extreme joy. giddy-happy. major score, man.

B-E-A-utiful.ÜÜÜ

Survival Of The Fittest

thoughts of previous tasks...

time to deal with all i've left behind now.

what's done is done.

so far, so good. storm into school like a regular human being, with millions to share. as far as i know, irregularity does not kill. it may merely infuriate my beloved mental capacity at times, but still. summer science, here i come.

i really hope we leave on that proposed month, though. so as to get a headstart on rebuilding my academic life. if things go as planned, i'll be normal by next year. i mean---my next year. that's not so bad, right? i mean, i know it can only get better.

i hope.

SO--- a reform is in order this year. i will be better---even if it kills me. that is my personal sacrifice. that is for the welfare of mine future---be it academic or artistic.

so, goodbye to lax dreams and chill-ness, i will miss you things so much. i must and shall embark on my personal journey to the straits of the unknown (and the previously-known, for that matter). i will miss everyone for sure.

tai tien, immaturity and half-baked me-ness, and hello to embellished reform.

Randoms.

initially back from south korea.

now back from singapore.

off to taipei on saturday.

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i sold my soul to succumbing delight.

is this real?

my virtual reality seemingly patches the artwork that is my world of calm, semi-perfection, and un-despair. if things show me the light, then why not? but a cloud of dread escapes into my momentay flutter.

fear.

afraid to take the plunge, perhaps? or just afraid to reveal thyself to chance? the inexperience creeps into the marrows of my bones, and into the charges of my neural activity.

but why hope?

bizaare as it may seem, my weary artery aches for that rush, that flight to the beloved astral plane that is euphoria. euphoria in feeling, yes. anything is possible, just like many would say. but why is this comntroversy throwing daggers aimlessly through my heart and soul?

i am a mosaic of unexplicable abyss.

Bittersweet Birthday

what a bittersweet weekend.

things have been inching towards crappiness ever since that unfortunate edsa event.

yes, folks, am now 20. it's actually so much fun, cz i get to obssess on my life more. at least now, the pressure of achieving will really drive me to work.

and work..

and work.

so, that's the story of my life.

thanks to those who remembered, love you guys. :) my week wasn't the greatest, but everyone who cared made it one of the best anyways. :)

Toast.

a humongous error is on its way and my sanity is crumbling to oblivion once again.

argh.

i need air.

Not-So-Quiet Time

i'm dying in the reins of organic chemistry.

ouch.

Pandemonium

oh, the things i do.

my cousins are back from England, and my life's events are getting hectic-er than normal (for the holidays, i mean). my days of bumming around the house and catching up on much needed entertainment and (more importantly) 'Zzzs' has been put on hold to make way for the greater good that is family.Ü

we're off to Lord knows where in a few, i am just left rearranging the weblives of dear ate before we depart for r&r.

enlightenment from the seniors was bestowed upon moi hours ago, and i was left to take all the blows and guilt explanations of them titas. and i realize that i am a constant hot topic whenever older relatives come back home. oh well. what's done cannot be undone.

blah, blah, blah.

i'm off.

Broke, Broken?

i came across a friend's friendster profile a few minutes ago, and i saw some pictures that made me think of the times when i had sooo much free time with them friends. funny, though, how everyone have seemingly lost touch with each other after so short a time. it has been what--a few months? i don't know anymore.

the spirit of christmas, however, has brought--good cheer?--and, i guess, renewed hope for most of us. renewed hope, as in, that some still allow themselves to resurrect their closet skeletons amidst the chaos they encounter everyday they once referred to as life. i received calls from another old friend saying we have GOT to meet sometime, and that he wishes us all merry christmas.Ü

make that some of us... i have just gotten word that this christmas isn't as cheer-y as i once thought would be for others... another old friend's grandfather just passed away, and it kills me that they'd have to spend this season actually mourning... i'm so sorry, dear, for your loss. have you told me sooner, i could've visited or whatever.

with that in mind, i don't think i'm all that cheer-y now.

anyways, merry christmas to the rest of the world. and a happy new year too.

Target

oh yes. as much effort i give to veer away from communal insanity and annoying target-shooting, they always seem to find me anyways.

freaky-crazy, but what can i do? i guess they love me that much. at least i'm not yesterday's news. problem is, i'm EVERYDAY'S news. why do people just love getting in on my life? goes to show who your real friends are. it doesn't matter to me now who treats me nicely or not, i'm back to paranoia101 again. INSECTS, listen: keep off the grass please.

and to those who don't want to be directed, get off my life. mind your own beeswax, get lost, vamoose. get the picture?

i don't mean to sound all bitchy, but recent events aren't excuses for sick, sad behavior. i'm keeping my sanity in check, you should do that too.

to everyone who's morphed into paparazzi, i'm watching you as well. let's play a little game of hide-and-seek, shall we?

if you can't take my guts, this'll make things easier for you: TRY NOT TO TAKE THEM.Ü

so much for two-faced superficials.

Dreamy... Ü

ahh... the life of a computer person.

because i can't think of anything else, i shall write about the facets of today.Ü

i had sooo much fun a while ago. i never thought that the time i'd perform with the untouchables would be today. yea, yea. so you thought we were some other group.

guess again.

the unexpected affair presented itself to moi, and recognition is of great concern. in the moment of goosebump-embedded bliss, the chance of electrocution shoved its way to my fingertips. ahoy there. thank you and you're... wow.Ü my efforts to remain sane has failed, i am again in my dreamy land. i love.Ü my abode shines brighter now. and now you all know i'm so much more than what you thought i was.Ü

oh, the joys of an imperfect life.Ü

i miss you guys, hope to see you soon. but i have other matters to take care of also, so... whatever happens.Ü (oh, and by the way, to my SSP: you rock.Ü)

Wicked

i find myself completely drawn to this masterpiece. and i thought everything i liked about this was superficial.

oh well.

"i'm not that girl" deems very unexplicable for my beauteous life. i sooo love the song, and everything else that goes with it.

i hope i find resolution to my highly-climactic life nowadays.

i'm off.

LIZNGAL!!! i miss you pare!!! ÜÜÜ

15-Minute Solitude

thanks to early dismissals and time to kill, i am again in front of a computer screen (and no thanks to irritating power failure, i lost my entry a few eons ago).

i am seriously doubting my future plans. i want to do so much, but previous events are naturally beauteous hindrances to the prime of the prime of my life. being the overactive (though at times subdued) individual i am, i am again, torn between worlds.

my topsy-turvy life is now on the edge, and i am breaking parts of myself little by little, literally and figuratively. i am now on the verge of breaking, but in every life's decision, it is but natural to feel this way.

and so i shut up.

tomorrow is another day, and tomorrow will be filled with untold stress. is relaxing a crime? well, i think it is for me... right now. but pretty soon, i shall be in wonderful abyss. :)

if anything, i'm happy with whatever's happening in my life right now. at least i'm more... "out".

and that makes a whole lot more sense to me. :)

adios friends. :)

Of Birds and Bees...

...and butterfly and trees?

kind of.

in a nutshell, my life has been turned upside down in a day... a little over two weeks ago. now, i suddenly lost all time for anything else, and matters of commitment are tested. i'm not complaining, after all, this freaky possibility has been one of my goals ever since college started for moi. besides, if i really work, this is SOOO going to be worthwhile.

anyways, i'm still in school, pouring over my "extra curriculars," and trying to deal with things as they go. the blasted computer at home is possessed, so all attempts to indulge in nocturnal madness is ceased. well, semi-good thing, cz at least i get to sleep, though still less than usual. and at least this "sem break" isn't as fattening as i have somewhat pictured it to be a few ages ago. :)

it would be such a waste of time to update the world with matters of the past month, so to save civilization's eyes from blood-pumped veins and extra-terrestrial transformation, refer to the third paragraph of this entry.Ü

crazed irregularities lurking in every corner are proof of my end's nearing. i shall terminate myself from this quizzical hour and rest in pieces.

au revoir! (i'm sorry, but my incapacity to predict the combinations of the alt-keyed symbols make me unable to provide you with more precise letters. :p)

Harvesting Mushrooms

it's been a while.

actually, it's been too long.

it's the end of september, and i think it's obvious that the babied mushrooms need harvesting. so on i go.

i can't even begin to tell the world of everything i have on my mind right now [at 5am, yes.]. SOOO much has happened, and i'm afraid my momentary weakness from suspension in space will haunt me back to my peaceful place. so, the updates will come as shocks as i traverse the ends of the earth.

two friends of mine are celebrating their birthdays today, so happy birthday julio and ate lyz.Ü [i'm temporarily trashing all issues, so to those who wish to react, be my guest.] happy days to you both.

i'm in one of my busiest states yet again, so naturally, relaxing alone-time for me will be highly detrimental to my altered nature. forgiveness for major delays, for i know that a meteor should hit me first before i pull an all-nighter doing this once more. i should have been sleeping ages ago, but since my dear friend has subscribed to a life-threatening post-planner similar to this for moi and others, i am banging at these missed keys again.

have i been missed? heehee...Ü i think my hugs are increasing... yay for that!Ü

a lot has commenced that i want to blab about, but time is not on my side. i shall disconnect my precious device from its source, and live a happier life... in dreamland.Ü

Bittersweet Semi-Symphony

self-induced irritation may be the most logical explanation for what i'm feeling now, but, not really. people say it's a matter of seeing the good in things. i say it's a matter of seeing things as they are supposed to be seen.

reasons. too many reasons.

1. my mom came home with a globe telecom paperbag in hand, asking me if i wanted the pink bear she got from-- i'm assuming--saisaki. [hello. hint, hint. a new cell phone. and it's not one of those cheap ones. grr. and she says i have this phone fetish. look who's talking.]

2. an extended lecture on how the world is uberdangerous nowadays [which, of course, started with the cellphone talk].

3. television invasion---i again lose to my parents. it's always theirs.

4. slow and painful torture. i can't breathe in this room. everyone's looking over my shoulder.

5. i passed the judgment day(s). for a sick person, that's an accomplishment.

6. oh, and that reminds me---yes, i'm still sick.

7. babytalk in the living room. [oh, spare me please!]

8. my weird fascination for momentary cynicism [well, for cynicism in general, momentary or otherwise.]

9. endless blabber i sooo don't want to hear. like forcing issues on me will make me listen. keep trying.

10. de-stressing my nonsoul, and de-cluttering my nerve-wracked mind.

***there you go. reasons. hence the title.

although the madness makes me want to shut my world out right now, i will still try my hardest to smile. i passed gc, all right. thanks to those who believed in my powerless state in the few days of judgment. ouchies.

sadly, my presently-incompetent state is unable to unleash sufficient wordplay to make the days of bored folk. you'll have to wait until next time.

Ouchies...

now that i think about it. i don't feel too well after all.

a book read and and halfway though another one doesn't make me feel better also. i've been resting every single moment i can get to, but to no avail. methinks my nonsoul wants to rest for real. but for how long, i still don't know.

Ten Straight Sick Days

this does not mean cursing the number. i just am still really sick.

on the lighter side of things, i'm happy today [well, despite all the crap i had to put up with and the extremely pitiful time i've had with the rest of civilization]. the three new books i had my parents purchase for sick, sad moi [harhar, the perks...Ü] kind of turned my day upside down. not only do i envision curling up in bed in the coming cold nights with a good book, a warm comforter and hot green tea and milk partnered with peanut butter and chocolate creme oreos [in pjs... ah... sweet.], but also the adventure my mind shall embark on the moment i turn a book's page.

another great idea==> oreos' alternate: cinnamon milk oatmeal. heaven.Ü and with more puppy-dog eyes and eyelash-batting [albeit REALLY in pain] directed to the rents, my wishes are their command.Ü thank you Lord for the gift of life!Ü

life is SOOO good.Ü

i absolutely love this idea, but sadly, there's a bad side to all the bliss i'm oh-so-waiting to get. two words: Judgment Day. it's so sad that i overlooked this thought when i constantly dreamt of unending comfort, and now that i'm considering the idea, my insides are churning and i can't breathe--literally.

i don't know if i'll ever get through tomorrow, because starting 6:30 am, my hellish day will start. i don't even know if i'll be well by then, but at the rate things are going, i don't really think so. the question still remains unanswered then: should i succumb to my pathetic dis-ease and not go through with tomorrow's lethal fury or just take in the wrath of my literally ruined future?

oh man.

before every ounce of my sanity disappears and i collapse into a heap of school things on the floor, end this ranting i will. now i have to summon up my inner yoda and try to make peace with the Force.

that is, if no dark lord wll stand in my way.

i PRAY that With Me the Force May Be.

Freaky Friday (Saturday, actually.)

call me crazy.

i'm being eaten alive by immeasurable nervy-ness and sky-high pressure. i don't know why exactly i'm reacting this way, but i guess this proves i'm still normal.

in a way.

everyone wishes me goodluck, but i am inching my way to death now because i know i don't stand a chance. the people i'm going to compete with are sooo good, no one can understand the dread i am nursing in the depths of my heart and soul. i just have one wish, prayer, cry, whatever: that i don't make a fool out of myself on my judgment day(s).

this is for me. i'm not doing this for anyone else.

"i am not lost, i have merely lost my way."

thanks, lian dear. you're the greatest.Ü i shall quote razi in my next ranting.Ü

i have the greatest life, and the greatest trials too. i hope i get through next week [most especially monday] so i can continue with my treasured existence.

Methinks you know mine deepest sorrow

Thine eyes shall see my grave to-morrow;

And as we walk in worlds apart

Mine weary soul, mine mind, mine heart

Salute Thine will, to life behold

T'is great a story never once told.

Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam.

Amazing Grace

i'm proud to say i can never fully fathom the greatness of life and chance. i guess we all should be lost in a way, and i'm glad i am practically braille-ling my way through this aspect.Ü

can i just say that i love my life???Ü everything seems to be getting clearer for me, and i can finally see a little more light now. it's been soooo long since i last enjoyed every bit of my day, and it's just how i remembered it... WOW.Ü

i'm exhausted and on the verge of fainting, but at least i had a fun day. many thanks to Him and His brilliance.Ü

i must say, luck is probably the last thing i'll need for that thing in a week and a few days. i'm still not sure of what i'll be doing, i'm just hoping i won't humiliate myself AGAIN. i at least want to get out of that place with a tiny smile. help me please.

i am an army of one. i hope i pull this off.

one time, big time. keep praying.

for myself and not for anyone else. one big fight. i believe.

Paradise Lost

it takes a lot to know what life is. and it pains me like hell when i know my dearest friends are sad. they don't have to tell me. i just know.

some people think that moving on is the worst thing that can ever happen in a person's life. they purposefully detach themselves from all they love just so they can say they give themselves importance and that they're cutting people slack.

i guess it's common that we pretend to be ecstatic when our hearts are screaming in bloodbath inside us. it's a technique we humans have learned to love because we want to project euphoric pretenses and numb the world of despair. i say it makes things harder for us. so, sometimes, it won't hurt if we all be a tad over-sincere.

distance has proved to maim hearts and generate heartache and solitude. it will be all up to us if we would go for the path which urges us to fight like crazy for underproduced sanity, or if we settle with undermined hopes and dreams and therefore make us bitter folks and unaccomplished retards. i hope my friend chooses to live and not be put down by her recent separation from her paradise. whatever happens, everyone will be here.

discombobulation seemingly establishes unbridled fury from the inhabitants that astound my existence. not bad. harharharÜ

before everything else crumbles to oblivion, i shall say so long to my unrestrained ramblings and go to class.

Equanimity Overload

"train comes, i don't know its destination... it's a one-way ticket to a MAJOR SITUATION."

i don't know why all of a sudden, things are starting to roll over on its good side. i'm not complaining, but i can't help asking my unsettlingly calm brain if this is a prelude to what's going to come.

i've studied too much foreshadowing to be pleasant about all this.

but i'll live first.Ü

complacent freaks surround my existence, and i laugh in their presence. funny, though, cz as soon as i bequeath this ordeal upon them, their sanctimonious smirks diminish and they crumble their behinds off to hell knows where. i soo love my life. it gives me a chance to give despicable people a taste of their own medicine.

birthday celebrations prove to be another haven of unforseen negative energy between adversaries. don't get me wrong, this usually happens in the most inconceivable of cases, but apparently, those cases suit last saturday evening. congratulations to cynical madness, resign to your fate.

last minute grocery-shopping is crucial to human life. and so, upon deciding to endure the continuous expulsion of dead skin cells by cruising the aisles of the earnest folly of grocery stores, clear your mind and relax. momentarily forsaken entities may be perceived lurking in the depths of stacked boxes and overstuffed shelves. think in advance, be a nonchalant princess to the world of shadows, and keep a funny story in your purse. that will surely let you ace the jackpot encounter.

i'm off. farewell to the land of dreams.

Bared, Unearthed, & Exposed

"nothing feels right anymore..."

conversations with depressed and longing friends makes it so much easier to relive moments of despair and extreme cases. and i'm not really sure i like it. options are thrown right in my face, and i am left giving them advice on all the stupid hullabaloo i previously got myself into.

i still can't understand why people can't get over themselves and just say how and what they really feel to another person. if pride is all we're considering here, then everything's useless. it just sucks that no one really super honest is left in this world. yes, we're all entitled to secrets, but too much is just too much. if the rest of humanity knows about your ordeal, then just let the person know already. you never know.

yes, certain friends may be alarmed with all i just said, but let them face it. it's going to be good for them anyways.

i can finally drive now. legally. yay! it's such a drag applying for that freakish TIN. and i'm not even working yet. oh well. this government is so annoying.

june 23rd. a few more weeks to go before joey's bash, and a little less than a month before sis'. coolness. at least the race with time is slightly postponed because of very helpful pre-preparations. i love what i do.Ü

i got a newsletter of this other org that wants to recruit me. i'm suddenly given rehearsal schedules, service schedules, and notifications on everything the group has to know. ohkaaay. call me dense, but... what exactly is going on?

hmmm...

i'm supposed to be resting for tomorrow. and some people are supposed to text me if they'll ditch me or not. haaaaaaaaay. i hope everything goes well.

i have another confession: i'm not really sure i'm cut out for the things i just got my sorry behind into. well, the judges will decide... but i am left paralyzed, and it stinks.

oh well.

i finally surrender

oh yes, multiply's larger-than-life journal tab gets the better of me and practically forces me out of my guts to write. oh well. although this will be super tasking, i think i can handle having 3 blogs anyway. i hope.

i am stuck in a really really crappy state (of everything) now. i almost can' t think straight, i'm dead tired, and i can't sleep. so much for rest.

i have an early day tomorrow, the earliest weekday of every week, and all i can think of is how much i'm going to abuse my batteries starting 630 am. as much as i'd hate to start moving that early, i am left without a choice.

oh, the perks of phys. ed.

oh joy.

it's my friend's birthday today. and i feel bad i texted late, but... at least i remembered. and it just sucks that our exhausting schedules just won't give. we're all going to be stuck in our schools with practically nothing else to do but stare at the wonderful professors that grace our individual momentary existence. the things people do to have a good life (i actually am not complaining, but sometimes, you have to get tired of your routine).

squeezy talk and jealous sisters. SOOO much of that on the loose these days.

so, okay, i'm about to see the squeezy people again friday night. i'm seeing a lot of squeeziness, a lot of new stories, a whole lot of arguments, and soooo much more. i hope there won't be any drastic changes and desperate measures, or else i'm gonna freak.

in all the places, in all the sites, in all the web. i had to get sucked into multiply. :p

did i miss something?

all of a sudden, shocking truths and/or revelations are slowly unfolding right in front of me. for many unknown reasons, they show me all their gravity and grandeur all at the same time. it's not at all super freaky, just semi-shocking.

news of school are kind of getting out of hand. a lot of people are talking crap about everything. oh, whatever.

i am about to embark on a highly-fussy (more like highly-annoying) night regime. if only that dermatologist cared. ah, grr. just follow, i tell myself. but still... argh. oh, what the hell. i better stop complaining and shut my trap if i want to keep my skull intact.

i hope things turn out fine tomorrow, and i hope i get things straight with people.

okay, i'm clearly not making sense anymore, so off to dreamland i go.

torn once again

the guardians of my mind are at war again.

i don't know if i really want school to start already. of course, it would be another year. of mixed feelings and experiences all at once. but if truth be told, half of me wants to go, and half is begging for a REAL vacation.

i suck.

there's one thing i hate about the start of this schoolyear. my mom's leaving again in a few days and she'll be gone for a few weeks. darned business trips. and she won't be here on father's day... awww... i feel for my dad. :'(

most of what transpired yesterday were very disturbing. i hate that my cousin got really screwed and there were more family problems now that she'll have to deal with, i hate that my friends are having weird arguments again, and i hate that a lot of people i know are sooo sad now because of certain things. i don't know... am i bringing back the old jaimie too concerned of the miniscule details, or am i just stuck in a phase of oversensitivity now? i can never get this question answered.

my best friend among the family friends i have called me two days ago. i really missed her, and it feels so bad that we still won't get to see each other. after all, laguna is sooo not a ten-minute car ride from my house. but still. it sucks that her family's issues keep her from meeting with the rest of us who miss her. i hope she really gets to stay with us next year.

for some reason, i had more fun today with my parents than i normally do. and my mom's and my mutual quest for an iPod failed. oh well. better luck next time to us.Ü anyways, we were left to roam the mall together while my dad paid bills. okay, we were bad. hahaÜ well, we had so much fun cruising the aisles of watson's and consulting each other on better paraphernalia.Ü aside from the usual things i get, i got white rain's lavender and vanilla shampoo. i know talking about what shampoo i bought seems stupid, but i love it, because its greatness lies on the obvious fact that it combined two of my ultimate uberloved scents--doi, lavender and vanilla-- and i only saw it today. yipee!Ü

going back to the school related mush, i still don't know when we start classes. people say it's on the 16th, but it still doesn't convince me. the others say, 14, but i don't know about that either. oh well. at least i'm still going there on tuesday to meet my dear sis. either way, i get to know when i really should come to class.Ü

i see that keeping myself logged on will make my head ache more, so, goodbye happy world and i will see you soon. happy independence day.Ü

Adventure Central

although i feel i'm not really having a great week, there are some high points to the past few days anyway.

enrollment was okay, kind of hassle-less, but, generally, it went okay. the rest of the few days, however, have been spent at home, in potato-ey goodness, and in excellent terms with my now ubercomfy bedroom. i so don't know how i continue to do this, but a half-unexpected visitor knocked my head back to its place- the now-called diwata [more like -------, if you ask me. wah. :p]. the endless food trips and annoying stressball craze deemed too much for my peaceful soul. in less than half an hour, my kooky self has been resurrected and put to the test. i suddenly felt that cuz and cuzdear were with me. oh yes, tita baklush's presence made that ALL possible.

according to studies, horses cannot be shot with tranquilizers, because it makes them more unstable [hah! that's CSI for you, man!]. and since "ducks don't get wet," you're pretty sure that the whale shark is so humongous it can swallow loads of seawater along with nutrient-packed gourmet seafood [okay, that was, my bedspread, the national geographic channel, and the national geographic channel.].

who says adventures couldn't be educational?

let's see... luncheon meat. wafer sticks. candy. street treats: fishballs, isaw. seasoned spices meat pasta. crackers and seasoned ground beef. hearty meat pasta tossed in orange tomato sauce. pancakes with maple syrup. orange slush shake with crushed cacao krispies. barbecue chicken pita sandwich. a mcchicken sandwich. fries. cappuccino ice cream. a forty-eight hour menu.

oh, man. my adventures have got to stop.

tomorrow is a new day.

matters of the heart

it's been so long since i last wrote about anything concerning matters of the heart. oh well.

er... matters of the heart meaning, anything and everything concerning deepest feelings, yearnings, and whatever else. not just in the lovey aspect.

i have been enchanted, engaged, and engrossed in the craziest things this summer. they were super fun things, yes, but a lot just thought i was losing it. in all i've done these past months, i still feel unaccomplished. i think i really have to dwell on what i really want to do now.

stuff for the bored

1.do you get jealous easily?sometimes. it depends.
2. what have u been doing these past few days?watching movies and putting 'something' together
3. last movie u watched?cinema: a lot like lovetv: a johnny depp action moviedvd: snatchvcd: repli-kate
4. fave songs?last chance, spend my life with you, i miss you, your song, you, one last cry, make me whole, lately, i love you goodbye, color of love, butterfly kisses, beauty and madness, alive, and others.Ü
5. what are u planning to do this week?go out with my dance friends and watch mr.&mrs.smith, train, buy stuff for school
6. do u smoke?nope. never did.
7. any people in-love with u right now?i sure as hell don't know.
8. do u prefer sms or talking on the phone?talking on the phone, of course.
9. are u missing someone right now?super.
10. what are you doing right now?besides answering this survey, uploading pictures in multiply.Ü
11. when was the last time u were surprised?a while ago, when i found out that my blockmate's not gonna transfer na.Ü
12. five words that will fit u ryt now?semi-optimistic. yearning. preoccupied. restless. aching.
13. name ur good friends?sis, cuz, cuz dear, barxchix, gorgeous dancers, darna, mayumi, parts of my family
14. one person u want to spend the rest of ur life with?waiting...
15. what were u doing before this?bloggingÜ
16. what are you thinking now?when will i get my answer?
17.what did you do last night?gathered stuff for the something i'm giving someone.Ü
18.what did you last say to a friend last night?why po? what's up?
19.what attracts you to a girl/boy?nice eyes and smile
20.what makes you happy?being on stage, performing; being loved; accomplishment
21.what are you wearing now?the chill dress thingy my eldest brother gave me from boracay
22.who was the last person you talked to?my other brother
23.what do you want to tell someone?why?
24.when is your birthday?26 february 1986
25.when is your crush's birthday?why should i tell you? hahaÜ
26.when did you last smile?a few seconds ago
27.why did you answer this?because the freakin' pictures are still being uploaded
28.when will you marry?i'm not really sure
29.When did u last receive a gift?2 days ago- a few things my eldest kuya gave me from cebu
30.when did you last drink alcoholic beverages?i don't remember anymore

IT TAKES TWO...

TWO NAMES YOU GO BY: jai, cinderella
TWO THINGS YOU DISLIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: i can be super moody and really bratty
TWO THINGS THAT SCARE YOU: being alone, getting hurt
TWO THINGS U NEED EVERYDAY: phone and lip balm
TWO OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS/SINGERS: bands: u-turn, evanesence singers: tamia, boyzIImen
TWO OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT THE MOMENT: your song, last chance
TWO PERSONS YOU SPEND TIME WITH THE MOST: my parents
TWO OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES: performing, hanging out
TWO THINGS YOU WANT TO REALLY BUY RIGHT NOW: shoes and clothes
TWO CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING: being a pediatrician and a stage actress
TWO PLACES YOU WOULD GO ON VACATION: europe and somewhere around the caribbean
TWO OF YOUR FAVORITE PERSONS: my sis and my cuz
TWO THINGS YOU DID YESTERDAY: watched a movie, ate out with my family
TWO PERSONS THAT YOU MISS A LOT: faith and my cuz
TWO FOODS THAT YOU'RE CRAVING FOR: pasta and a chicken caesar salad
TWO FAVORITE SUBJECTS IN HS/COLLEGE: highschool: english and elective [dramatics] college: [so far...] psychology and theology Ü
TWO OF YOUR FUNNIEST MEMORIES IN HIGH SCHOOL: 1. playing heart attack with my barx at the hidden part of the top bleachers[poolside] inside the gym during the marian camp-in hullabaloo, 2. chill moments and joke times with the barx
TWO PERSONS THAT COME TO YOUR MIND NOW: my prince and lolo's grandson
TWO ELEMENTARY FRIENDS YOU'D LIKE TO SEE RIGHT NOW: rachelle arzadon and melo villanueva
TWO COLORS YOU LIKE: purple and black
TWO HIGH SCHOOL FRIENDS YOU WANT TO TALK TO: faith and jen

back in white action

oh yes. enrollment day. i again endured the melting heat of the sun while walking around my school. new faces. old faces. new discoveries. slight delight for unlost causes.

i just want to say that my schedule is sooo not nice. get this:

mondays & fridays: 2pm - 5pm
wednesdays: 9am - 5pm
tuesdays & thursdays: 10am - 7pm

i don't like it at all. i don't like going to school in the afternoon. aww, man. this sucks.

well, at least one thing's good about this: football.

or at least i think so. anyways, i hope i do okay with this. oh well.

6 Part Survey: 1 & 2

PART ONE

survey 1: cellphone
1. globe, smart or sun? - globe
2. line or prepaid? - line
3. nokia ka ba? kung hinde, ano? - nokia
4. nakailang cell ka na? - 8
5.anong unit ng phone mo? - 1100 and 7110
6. anong best feature/s ng phone mo? - flashlight and superbig memory
7. nahulog mo na ba phone mo? - oh yes
8. anong color ng cell mo? - blue&white
9. ano ba gusto mong phone? - madami. hahaÜ

PART TWO
survey 2: personal
1. whats ur name? - jaimie
2. where do u live? - quezon city
3. how old are you? - 19
4. nicknames? - jaimie, jai, jaim, jaims, jamay, sis, cinderella, jaimiegirl, jmi, mommy, nanay, et al.
5. birthday mo? - 260286

bring in the noise

1.Song playing at the moment? - the song of raindrops falling on the roof
2.One reason for living? - bringing goodness to the world [naks!]
3.Do u think your partner is sexy? - i don't have a partner right now. wah. haha
4.Ever donated blood? - never
5.Fav color? - lavender
6.Accessories you usually wear? - earrings, watch, bracelet, necklace [not anymore, though. earrings and a watch nalang. haha]
7.One song to describe a heartbreak in the past? - smile by tamia
8.Last place you went? - rizal sports commission [huh?]
9.Last person who disappointed you? - cuz dear
10.The most boring sport? - i don't really know
11.Ever had a baby? - never, man.
12.The funniest movie you watched in the past week? - i didn't watch anything this week
13.The most romantic gift? - love [naks!]
14.Sang on stage before? - of course
16.Struck by lightning before? - never
17.Danced with your loved one before? - yea
18.Ever wished you could turn back time? - a few times before
19.What would you do if you woke up one day to find yourself to be someone from the opposite sex? - freak out muna, then breathe hahaÜ
20.One song that's meaningful to you? - spend my life with you- tamia and eric benet
21.Last person you met? - florence
22.What will you be doing tomorrow? - dancing
23.Who's your favorite F4 member? - vanness wu Ü
24.One thing you totally regretted doing? - basta.
26.What was the last game you played on the computer? - spider solitaire
27.Someone who means a lot to you at the moment? - secret
28.The color of your mobile phone? - blue and white
29. Do you hate someone at the moment? - haha yes
30. What do you wish to happen now? - haaay...

ako? makata?

1. Pinakagusto mong tawag sayo?= jai, jaims, jaimie

2. Latest addiction?= training.Ü

3. Pinakagusto mong gawin?= magperform. sumayaw, kumanta, umakting. san ka pa?

4. Ano ang mga leisure plans mo within this year?= wala pa naman sa ngayon. sana'y maupad muna ang aking mga ninanais bago ako makakilos ng malaya.

5. Meron ka bang crush ngayon?= naman.

6. Food na gusto mong kainin ngayon?= chicken caesar salad ng kfc [sarap...]

7. Kalokohang ginawa ngayong linggo?= nagpalipat-lipat ng inaasikaso at iniisip na obligasyon. patay na.

8. Last Song Syndrome (LSS) mo ngayon?= i don't wanna know ni mario winans

9. Unforgettable teacher / prof?= si binibining lorlina pamintuan. hay buhay.

10. Fave street food?= fishballs!!!Ü

11.fave childhood game?= patintero, agawan base, or pepsi-7up

12.Natatandaan mo pa ba ang panaginip mo kagabi?= nalulungkot akong sabihing hindi ako nanaginip kagabi.

13.Natatandaan mo pa ba ang pangalan ng pinaka-una mong crush?= oo naman. at sikretong malupit ko na iyon.

14.Time na sobrang nastress ka?= noong preparasyon ng aking ikalabingwalong kaarawan.

15. Kung magiging cast ka ng isang show/ teleserye/ anime, ano un?= hindi ko matanto sa ngayon, ngunit huwag lamang talaga anime. utang na loob.

16.Paggising mo, sino ang gusto mong makitang katabi mo?= hay. sikreto ko na ulit iyon.

17. Ang babae ay *physically* attractive kapag..= malinis, may dating, at kapag maganda ang mata at ngiti.

18.Pinakagustong movie mo na kung saan kasama ang pinakagusto mong artista?= malamang ay center stage at love actually. aywan ko kung bakit.

19.Favorite line (from a song,movie,poem,etc?)= song: "...i'm a little bit of all, oh i need a clue... just a little bit of you... and i will fall... [a little bit, mymp]" movie: "you can't lose something you never had. [kate hudson, how to lose a guy in 10 days]" poem: "break the warmth i once lived for, i've shut my heart, i don't want more... [secret and secretÜ]"

20.Laging paalala ng mga magulang mo na lagi mo namang hindi sinusunod?= matulog na agad. hahaha

21.Anong masasabi mo sa huling movie na napanood mo?= [sa sinehan] napakaganda. mahal ko si hayden christensen. [sa bahay] ang husay ni vanessa williams. palakpak.

22.Kung may isang bagay kang sasabihin sa sarili mo, ano un?= never say never, don't give up on this. fight 'till the very end.

boredom. puh.

1.1st primary school:~* montessori children's house, panay avenue
2. 1st time u tried smoking?~* age 4? was really curious because my tita kept on smoking. eww. barfed it all out after.
3. 1st alcoholic drink u had?~* hmmm... its not even alcoholic. red wine.
4. 1st time u entered a bar:~* i don't remember. must be with my brothers or something.
5. 1st award u received:~* i don't remember
7. 1st time u were sent to the principal for disciplinary action?~* never happened.
8. 1st big crush!~* wah. never mind. [wink, wink!]
9. 1st kiss~* never mind again. no 'wink wink' this time.
10.1st record u bought:~* methinks it was a cassette tape of some popular band before pa
11. 1st musical instrument u learned to play:~* the piano
12 1st concert u watched:~* smokey mountain? haha old school!
14. first tv shows you really liked?~* gem/ jem (and the misfits) [the barbie show]
15.1st book u bought:~* nursery rhymes book! haha
16.1st sport u played:~* swimming :)
17.1st terrible fight:~* i don't remember
18. 1st best friend:~* my cousins, chim and candy
19. 1st friend's wedding u've attended?~* none yet
20. 1st person who greeted u on your last birthday:~* must be ac or rona.Ü
21. 1st collection~* stickers and stationery
22. 1st time u saw a ghost:~* never saw one
23. 1st roller coaster ride:~* a few years ago, space shuttle, enchanted
24. 1st ambition:~* i don't know. must be to be a singer or something
25. 1st job:~* video store person
26. 1st thing u bought with your 1st salary:~* i never got paid. it was my parents' business.
27. 1st thing u wanna get right now:~* rest.
28. 1st thing u wanna do at this time?~* shower [again.]
29. 1st person u hated?~* i don't remember
30. 1st person u wanna slap right now?~* hmmm... it is yet to be discovered. [shush.]

One Year Later

oh man.

i just realized that today's date was one of the most magical moments of my life last year. oh man, oh man, oh man. why did i have to remember it??? if only i didn't browse my blog's archives... ooh, i suck. grr.

okay, so, i am slowly losing track of everything again. darn it. i hate it when this happens.

focus, jai. FOCUS.

oh yes, i'm a little unwell. oh my. oh my. oh my.

exact time. exact moment. exact everything... almost.

Your Song

one of the songs i love...

YOUR SONG

it took one look

then forever lay out in front of me

one smile then i died

only to be revived by you

there i was thought i had everything figured out

goes to show just how much i know about the way life plays out

i take one step away

then i find myself coming back to you

my one and only

one and only you

now i know

that i know not a thing at all

except the fact that i am yours

and that you are mine

oh, and they told me that this wouldn't be easy

and though i'm not one to complain

i take one step away

then i find myself coming back to you

my one and only

one and only

i take one step away

then i find myself coming back to you

my one and only

one and only you

back from outer space

yesterday was... never mind.

chitchat with those who mattered, small talk with those who really don't. and i again found out that people still love talking about yours truly. oh well. like i'm not used to it yet. whatever.

tita irene just left for greener pastures, i hope. i miss her a lot, though. not only because she's so nice to me, but also because she's another person i can talk to about different things. and i know that a lot of people are sad now because she's gone. oh well.

darna just got back from lagoona with [guess what?] no credits. [oops, i should've said without nalang. hahahaÜ] oh well. another thing i'm used to na. :p

i just discovered cappuccino mcflurry. weow.Ü it's about time they did something okay with the mcflurry after getting the m&m kind out of the market. oh well [again].

my amygdala is currently hijacked... so bad. i have runthru for my recital and another class tomorrow[in a different location]. same time, after lunch. i soooo want to divide myself in two parts now. grrr. runthru's in mandaluyong, the other class is somewhere in rizal. yes, both ends of my life. grr. both are equally important, but... haaaaaah! i just don't know.

oh well.

i'm starting to think that my stint as wonderwoman is about to end. although i again have regained some of the hope i once dreamed of having, still, i really don't know what to think. is this stress? i hope not. grrr. i suck.

nothing else to do but practice, rest, and be ready for anything.

i know i am.

i soo hope i'm thinking sane.

bloody day

what a day.

i wanted the title of this entry to literally convey what happened to yours truly today.

oh yes, it was a hell of a bloody day. yes, i lost some of my most precious type o blood again to a blasted syringe. of course, the battle for retaliation was won by the freaking needle, and i was left with a long piece of rubber something clutching the remains of my left strong arm.

alas, the jelly arm.

tried cotton and leukoplast to make the tiny pricked part "germ free," [or at least temporarily protected] but to no avail. eventually had to take it out, because not only did it become irritating, it also felt so restraining. oh well. no one lives a healthy life without germs anyways. so, jai, shaddup and get more iron. hahaha.

i am happy to say that i will have a very busy[-er?] day tomorrow. i don't know why i'm happy about it, but i am. i have to traverse the roads of might have been again. the head-aching and patience-testing traffic will again present itself to moi.

inhale. exhale. inhale. exhale.

what else can i do? i hope i don't miss class tomorrow.

oh well.

a lull in time

it's hella embarrassing to admit that i was bawling my eyes out for most of star wars III. as much as i'd hate to admit it, yes, i cried for anakin skywalker's fate. give me a break, okay? i'm still pretty annoyed he's a sith lord now.

oh well.

i had a great time at pictorials yesterday morning.Ü although it seemed like we were a part of the mickey mouse club in the last costume we fitted, it was kind of okay... at least we didn't have a dull time. and the maroon costume, my goodness. prom girls or drab muslim ladies-in-waiting? i can't really tell the difference with what we'll wear. oh well again. at least we're all wearing it. hah.

i watched my former dance teacher's company's recital yesterday after pictorials. all the kids were adorable, especially those in the hawaiian class (okay, so my mom taught them, but they're all look sooo sweet!Ü). the hiphop kids were amazing, too, and their smiles were really infectuous. i can't help smiling my behnd off and bopping my head to the beat. hohoho. and i saw my other teacher there. coolness.Ü

bad news on the loose again. i hate it when i always get to talk about bad news. but eventhough i can't stand talking about it, it's everywhere. grr.

this blasted computer's driving me nuts again! grrr!!!

sleepless...

i spent the entire day alone in my house. oh yes, poor me. what's really sucky is that i had to be really, really on my toes because everything was getting busier and more annoying by the minute (and have i mentioned MORE ANNOYING?). the phone was ringing off the hook, and i hated it, cz most of the calls weren't for me... and if ever they were, the conversation were sooo short i almost forgot what we talked about right after i put down the receiver. wah.

because of the extremely unsettling circumstance, i sought refuge from the internet-- to no avail. i bored myself even more by completing the final season of FRIENDS i haven't watched for the nth time yet. that was my final attempt to keep myself up until other people shall grace this abode. but ho-ho-ho, as expected, my falling eyelids have once again failed me. i drifted off to dreamland just as rachel was about to get to ross before his wedding. oh joy. i missed the best part. oh well. next time.

it's quite a surprise when someone unexpected calls, huh? duh. well, so someone unexpected called me a few hours ago. and it was freakishly "anubuh," cz when i said 'wait,' she put down the phone. talk about misunderstanding. grr. annoying.

i'm kind of starting to miss the days that were... hmmm. oh well. at least having had a glimpse of it made me feel a little okay. i never want to really go back to those times, though... for some reason, i like getting tired this way more. and i feel more accomplished. hahaÜ although, the things i do now doesn't make me let loose as much. oh well. it's still all about the math.

i feel my brother's gonna be out long tonight... probably gallavanting with his friends right now, as chandler would say (uh-oh... too much FRIENDS???). which means, i get to use the computer a little longer. (sigh.)

a lifelong drama

i just realized that the blog name i used in my alternate blog is TOO old. i have been stuck with the phrase for as long as i can remember. oh well. times have changed. so have i. and a lot of other things.

it's time to move on.

dear darna has just left for subic and i am still stuck at home, waiting for a miracle to shine its mighty powers upon me. how utterly depressing my present situation is.

watching four seasons of FRIENDS straight and a couple other movies didn't help either. i hate that my eyes were the only mini-parts of my body constantly moving all day. i'm such a bum.

beep beep BEEP. please. somebody get me out of this house or i'll rot in solitude and excessive dramatic demarcation of all i have left in me.

i now name myself the biggest freak in the land. my mindless ramblings of all i have to do to keep my sanity intact seem to be driving nuts everyone sorry enough to hear me. oh joy. next thing i know, i'll be waking up next to an overflowing dumpster late at night in an alley in the middle of nowhere. i hope not.

where's that storm when i need it? at least let something happen to keep me from writhing in pain from this involuntary internal torture i am currently in. whoa.

oh man. this is going to be a long day.

my stars say it all

The Bottom Line:
Call in your pit crew if a big issue crops up. Ask the experts for their opinion.

In Detail:
You've never been afraid to put some distance between you and a problem that just won't be solved. You don't do it often, but when you've tried your best for a long time and not gotten anywhere, you're smart enough to know that a change of scenery can work wonders. So now that you've decided you're jee-ust about done putting all your energy into what's beginning to look like a no-win situation, isn't it time for a trip? Just a quick one?

i don't think so.

as far as i know, going back's REALLY going to be different, but i don't care. i won't flake out on this. just this once. one last time.

so much for my lucky stars.

anubuh.

you know what my japanese name is? Misako Ito. my goodness. hay saws.

http://www.blogthings.co/japanesenamegenerator/

wow mexico! Doña Elodia

http://www.blogthings.com/mexicannamegenerator/


i'm so bored.

my sad stars

because i am currently stuck in my house NOT watching the movie i love in many of my lives, my sad stars are wandering the depths of the web, trying to calm themselves of the catastrophe that is solitude.

no wonder i feel so lost now. harharharÜ

What is Your Star Wars Horoscope?

Star Wars Horoscope for Pisces

A typical Pisces, you have your head in the clouds.You're self-sacrificing and a bit too passive to stand up to the dark side.You become fairly pessimistic when put under pressure.You are a chameleon - wanting to change your scenery on occassion.

Star wars character you are most like: Lando

http://www.blogthings.com/starwarshoroscopes/

oh, how cool is this?

sorry. i'm such a freak.

Your Star Wars Name and Title

Your Star Wars Name: Jaimo Otque

Your Star Wars Title: Acivan of Aneek

http://www.blogthings.com/starwarsname/

17:04

[background music: negative things -selwyn]

conversations with the insane have brought me back to earth.Ü although i will always be scared of next week's agenda, i will still go. the sudsy conversation i will soon get to have with the baller is kind of getting me freaked about this whole endeavor starting next week. i would soo like to say that i don't care at all, but i still can't help it. i still have to constantly be careful of all i do. oh my.

of course, the other concerns will be unwelcome as soon as next semester starts, but, being the freak that i am, i will still be a dear and go on with the battles i want to take part in. for the love of things, i won't care if i become wonderwoman again. at least i did it.

i was greeted by the guardia civil last night as i was getting ready to go home. i didn't know news got to THEM. and so i will do better. yes, tita, i won't screw up my life.

no second thoughts.

ohkaay.

how quaint.

Your Irish Name Is...

Eimear Connolly

What's your Irish Name?

brain gender???

so this is what brain gender means...

Your Brain is 73.33% Female, 26.67% Male

Your brain leans female
You think with your heart, not your head
Sweet and considerate, you are a giver
But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!

What Gender Is Your Brain?

http://www.blogthings.com/genderbrainquiz/

kikay invasion

i am not alone.

bellas in the house. labanderas. beach babes. whatevah.

yeayeayea.Ü

diamonds are a girl's best friend. wahahaÜ

wahahaaah.

happy birthday to the 18 year old (i think) racer in the depths of filinvest 1. wah. goodluck, man.

darna lost her bato again. laos.

jopay and the gang

"kumusta ka na?"

hmmm...

today was slow-paced, actually. since this morning, i have been thinking of all the crap that will pass me by. i had a stroke of luck when i got to school and met with darna (only in a superman costume this time).

weow, king b, how utterly lazy. thanks for the unprinted mush. you made our unwanted trip to school REALLY worthwhile.

coolness.

i startled dear friend a while ago. ipod listening is useless. i almost got flipped over though, if i didn't show my face at once. who would've thought this girl knew taekwondo? a ballet and taekwondo girl? plus softball and soccer is scary. you surf, mahn?!?! how extreme of you, dear. well, good thing you didn't get to crack most of my bones this afternoon. that would've been neat. harharhar.

starting point: my blue gate.

i traversed most of quezon city from around 6:30 pm with a laos superhero who forgot her bato. a downpour was predicted, but, being the good girl that i am, i barged out of the house without an umbrella (wrong move #1). as soon as we got to ride a jeep, the expected rain began to pour. my goodness, did we get all soggy.

2nd station: kfc cubao

we got off the jeep though the sky was about to fall down on us. puddles were ran over, and strings were in the way as all hell broke loose. and we ran. for our lives. manong guard was not very helpful as well, because all he did was laugh at how gorgeous we looked. do not pass go. do not pick up chicken box of 6. emily was tortured, stuffed, and given a bath after this. due to underestimated circumstances, we involuntarily staked out at dear colonel's place. soggy and pathetic. what a combination.

after one million years and a lot of textmates, a family will starve because of the current situation. it was either we die and the pack gets to eat, or we live and the pack starves. we chose option #1.

3rd station: shoemart cubao

at last. shelter. we made it through the rain. hahaha.

4th station: shopwise

we made it. halfway there.

5th station: araneta circle

gateway in focus!!! hallelujah! we're alive!!!

6th station: farmer's plaza

a few more strides, and the game will be over. on to the finish line!!!

7th station: our places

how cool. the family's all set, the three-way is resurrected, and we're both tired.

hello, jopay.

mayonnaise is on tomorrow. dulce, you better be there. :p mangoes in waiting, cool cool, cool.

i love my life.

a lasting memory for the uberlybittersweet day. thank you all.

confessions and bad luck

recent events have made me feel sorry for myself even more. no matter how hard i try to be happy in everything i do, every sad memory of what there was creeps its way back into my mind. although this is a normal thing for me, i still keep thinking that this might be really unusual, primarily because nothing seems to make me clear my head of all that bull.

i just heard from a friend that the end is near. well, actually, i know the end is near. the end of my sanity is fast approaching as well. with all that's happening, i'm almost regretting the day i was ONLY almost run over by the buses, cars, and jeeps that dominated most of aurora boulevard.

have you ever heard people saying that "love is in the air?" well, actually, to put it in my situation, luck is in the air. and i don't mean good.

everything seems to be crashing down on me, and i am left paralyzed and weak. some say that this may be a prelude to something greater, or that these things are just trials i have to go through... but... i don't know. am i just being pessimistic about everything, or are things really on their way to hell? even i'm getting confused.

oh well. i pretty much can't do anything about it now anyway, so i guess i'll just have to wait until things get better. well, i hope they get better soon, because if not, i might not be able to take it very well. so please.

i woke up a little past 5 this morning. my responsibilities are done, and i still torture my body with waking up that early? i don't know why, i guess it's the body clock still working. i wonder, when will that cease to exist for the summer? i'm at least entitled to a few more hours of sleep.

after a text to the sawi and a few other messages from my best friend, i was almost falling asleep when my dad barged into my room, telling me i had a phone call. great. i answered the phone groggy like crazy, and i instantly fell asleep after. i was actually stopping my eyelids from closing while talking to the superhero, but good, she wanted to sleep also. harharharÜ

what's my point? i forgot again...

oh, ok... so as soon as i fell asleep, i had the weirdest dream. it was a showcase of all my friends lost and in hiding, and what's worse, it was set right in my living room. what makes it freakier is that most of the people i didn't want to see or even hear from were there, and in the dream, it was like we were so close and we missed each other so much.

ohkaaaaaaaaayyy...

eew, eew, eew.

never mind. i have to go reclaim my dignity.

The Keys To My Heart

what does this mean???

The Keys to Your Heart

***You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.
***In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.
***You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.
***You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.
***Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets
***Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
***You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.
***In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

i'm so confused. i actually have to prioritize something first, but thoughts are seemingly just pouring into my mind. well, what a great start to a very lazy day. there's nothing i can do in this house except watch dvds and use the computer. and don't get me started on the unending queue of dvds that i've already checked out because of this uncompromising ending to my bittersweet summer.

oh well. there's still tomorrow. but still. hmph

Livin' It Up II

someone says i don't have the heart for what i'm doing. somebody please clear things up for me... how do i get the heart for something? i mean, i totally love what i'm indulging myself in, but it seems as if all my attempts aren't enough. i wouldn't want to quit on something i've started to love doing even more. though everything will be a drag once i get my answer, i don't care. i want to make myself feel better. i will.

no tears. no time to cry. i'm just making the most of life.

no matter who i'm going to end up being with in this, i'm going on with everything. to hell with all prejudice. i'm in this for the long haul.

someone once told me: "try and try until you die. if you die, well, AT LEAST YOU TRIED."

i almost became a victim of the headline of every paper yesterday. for some reason, my sense of clarity left my mind the minute i woke up. i have just realized that at this point in one's life, travelling alone is a problem. you will never get the order of the universe. in the greater scheme of things, you will FOREVER be lost. so companions will be your best friends once you're in this zone.

how i wish i was with someone yesterday morning. i almost got killed.

Livin' It Up

just makin' the most of life...

no stress... no tears... just leavin' it all behind.

frequency equals endurance. sweat equals gain. smile equals a winner.

whatever happens, i'll be back. i'm not about to give up now. this is what i want to do, and i won't stop doing it because of a primary mishap. i will be better. and to hell with my uberly-twisted veins.

If an eye is for an eye... Then an egg is for a saint. ;)

mysterio ng kalawakan

dahil hindi lingid sa aking kaalamang nalulungkot pa rin ang superhero, kinakailangang maghandog ng kaunting mga talata para sa kanya.

PARA SAYOW: sadly, though, we all MUST face defeat in a time or another. as much as we'd all hate to admit it, learning to go on in living with the rest of our sanities will be the last road we will have to take. hard, yes. but that's the one thing that will keep us going.

tomorrow may be a far cry from the dream you once had, but keep in mind that there will still be answers for the crap you're in now. continuously looking for means of taking back one's freedom is not easy, so it is only proper for us to keep our cool and wait. you will have your time.

the mystery will be back, but in its own time. no matter how much the untouchables all keep you away from it, if YOU really want it to be that way, it will be that way. your decision is the last thing those crackpots can take away from you.

stars will always be in heaven, and the people in those stars will never cease to shine in your life. so losing grip is not an option. after all, you are your own enemy.

goodluck.

DOMESDAY I

death by walking.

cool.

today was okay, but the announcement of the extraordinary is keeping everyone on their toes. nobody wants to go home. everyone wants to cry.

nothing can ever prepare me for what will happen to me for the rest of today. i want to scream, but i can't. i want to go out and party, but i can't. i want to sleep, but i can't. i want to die, but i'm still alive.

double quote: "ika nga ni tor, 'eh what's for us?'" kuyaÜ

hay. if it's not for you, it's not for you.

how true, how true.

but still, I CAN BACK WALK NOW!!!!! hurrah for jaims!!!ÜÜÜ

many thanks to ate paula, kuya marvin, kuya ian, kuya edz, and the rest of the happy people. thanksthanksthanks.Ü you are uberloved.ÜÜÜ

viva santo tomas!Ü

ruff-ruff.

[Whatever comes into your mind first.]

1. pen- pilot green/purple signpen

2. paper- roses

3. school- "let's go st.paul [clap,clap,clap,clap]"

4. holiday- inn

5. pillow- sleep deprived moi

6. ice cream- monster

7. fast food- swatch [go figure]

8. song- 'livin' it up' yata yun... basta mariah

9. gimik- bye-bye

10. dog- ni reza

11. ex- convict

12. turtle- 'pawikan' ni cha

12. pool- chlorine

13. billiards- hay saws!

14. country- waffles

15. true friend- sis ko

16. hate- OC

17. life- "---is a bitch, so let's kick her in the ass."

18. cellphone- flashlight

19. bed- rest and relaxation

20. ring- sadako

22. blue- the Ateneo

23. orange- kupal

24. purple- sentidude

25. pink- pre-sane moi

26. green- spcp [and gold]

27. teacher- finals

28. subject- trig

29. game- na

30. tambayan- catwalk

31. cigar- isko

32. powerpuff girls- oversized. basta.

33. power- tiger power

34. love- lots

35. dream - "life is but a dream."

trinket festival

the upcoming grandeur of the 12th has brought to my alternate universe the frenzy of searching my world of beads, glitter, and colorful and decorative paraphernalia.

weow.

happy anniversary, dears.Ü

pinoy pop superstar seems to be showing itself to yours truly everywhere i go. and the people around me are going nuts over it. okay, i know it's a good competition naman, but then, i'm a little too informed about it already. so... stop.Ü

i again am beginning to love ashton kutcher. thank heavens he isn't in a stupid role in 'guess who?' [oops, branding?Ü] i just looooove him here.Ü at last, he doesn't have to play dumb to make himself endearing. too much of that already. move on, man. am glad he did.Ü

a round of applause for that.Ü

coolness.Ü

abaabaaba, some person's starting to get into my nerves... again. i had to find out about what that person did just when i was writing about the good day i just had. boo you. never again. you make me puke. eww. you think you're all that, BUT YOU'RE NOT.

look at yourself again in the mirror, man. i know how vain you are, but you're not how you think you are. try living in the real world. GET. A. CLUE.

YOU'RE. NOT. IT.

you make me hate your world even more. grr.

interesting.

hmmm...Ü

right now ur feelin>>>> lazy

because>>>> i don't have much to do.

last thing you did before filling this out>>>> updated my other blog

because>>>> i wanted to update my other blog.

the time you woke up today was>>>> 0530am

because>>>> i overslept and snoozed away when the 4am alarm came off.

the last thing you bought was>>>> mocha-filled biscuits. yesterday.

because>>>> it looked yummy on the shelf.

the last thing you did at school was>>>> had the notes of the last trig lecture photocopied

because>>>> i was busy doing the seatwork then, and i thought, "screw the notes."

the restaurant you hate most is>>>> i'd rather not say

because>>>> there are too many names i want to mention.

the song you'd probably still like until the day you die is?>>>> last chance

because>>>> it reminds me so much of all that's happened to me, and all the crappy and beauteous memories of the prime (so far) of my life.

your plans for the weekend are>>>> practice, practice, practice, torture, torture, torture.

because>>>> i just love getting my booty tired.

the last time you got really frustrated was>>>> a while ago, in math class.

because>>>> an uncompromising adult is on the loose. 'nuff said.

the last time you watched cartoons was>>>> i don't remember

because>>>> i don't watch t.v. anymore.

the last time you took a swim was>>>> last month, as far as i can remember.

because>>>> i don't remember why.

the time you'll be sleeping today is>>> really early.

because>>>> because i want to.

one thing that crossed your mind now>>>> auds.

because>>>> of pressure, pain, and torture.

one thing you want to tell that special sum1>>>> so much to say, so little time.

because>>>> that's how i feel.

get busy

R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

thanksthanks ate paula, kuya ajjie, kuya chris, ate 'jam', ate 'purrdy girl', kuya 'rok', kuya paolo, gymnast girl, jerwin, ate 'ice', astig 'ate' spot person, ate rachelle, ate berna, ate 'peytot', ate 'tarush, but no', guadalupe guy, snob birthmark girl, jasmine, dino, anjelica, cha, ivy, blessie, green-shirted girl, tin, ballet girl, madel, rachelle, diane. [kuya renz, i miss you. primary thanks to you.Ü] et al...

peace.

you will be uberloved.

lose my breath

can you keep up?


whoops... sorry... 'can i keep up?' pala.

hayhayhay.

today wasn't as tiring as my other death days.

and i hate it.

i think i need to torture myself more to make myself feel worthy of what i'm getting myself into in a few days. rarr. i can't even do a decent ---------.

front roll. tuck, pike (?), straddle. tuck, pike (?), straddle. so far so good. back roll. tuck, pike (?), straddle. tuck, pike (?), straddle... okay... cartwheels R and L...oh man... one hand right... running, one hand right... one hand left... running, one hand left... round off right... left... running round off right... left... practice... practice... practice... hand stand... help!!! head stand... tsk, tsk... balance... hand stand walk... spot please... 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8! down... recover... bridge walk... ouch... long sitting... front walk... whew... oops... hand stand... look up! bridge... recover... arms straight! smile. aaaaaaaahh...Ü back walk... backbend... swing... one, two, three, kick!!! oh man... again... aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!! i suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckkkk big time!!!!!

help, help, heeeeeeeeeeeeelppp...

so...

CAN I KEEP UP??? :'c

tick-tock.

i have to be asleep in a few minutes... but i can't help typing one last entry.

weee.

i was watching star wars 2 a while ago, and when i got to the part where obi-wan was tracking down jango and boba fett, i had to turn off the machine already. why? because my eyelids were slowly closing already, that's why.

and now i'm still staring at this screen.

oh well.

i wonder what will happen tomorrow? hmmm. reach out. sense the force around you. use your feelings you must. hmmm.

dangerous and disturbing this puzzle is. hmmm.

but who and why, harder to answer. meditate on this i will.

hmmm.

master yoda is an inspiration. yay.

funny, my parents aren't home yet. where could they have possibly gone?

i'm going to be a brat and whine: i want another rest day. another massage. a cold shower every 3 hours. i want to eat tuna and tomatoes tomorrow. i want my phone's battery to be drained RIGHT NOW!!! more hours of chill time. and everything else that goes with it. ooh-wee.

my brother's coming back from baguio tomorrow. byebye late nights of typing. hello to a good night's sleep. harharhar.Ü

and, speaking of which... if you'll excuse me, i will retire.Ü

SUNday

okay, the sun is literally getting on my nerves (yes, a very hard to reach place.). its almost 3am, and it's STILL so hot!!!

my supplies have been refreshed again, thank God.Ü the sheer pleasure and total enjoyment of browsing the watson's stalls for my necessities make everything seem therapeutic. yay.Ü

the queued activities dear julieta proposed will probably evaporate one by one in the very near future... as i am again awaiting one of my deaths, going out will probably be a problem. and not on THAT day. hell no. so... as early as now, wave goodbye to the reggae night, ukay trips, and endless chat-slash-bonding hours.

a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

crap, i can't sleep. again. the massage didn't help much either. well, maybe for a few hours... but, other than that, ho-humm...

what to do, what to do?

rarr.

multiple madness

at last, after millions of light years, i again have resurrected.

the ongoing bodily torture i voluntarily throw myself into leave me paralyzed and dead to the world as early as 5 in the afternoon. wow. and i never thought sleep would feel THAT good.

well, we all learn something new.

anyways, i don't care. i love what i'm doing. i just hope my underworked ass does not give up on me. to the moon and back!!! yeayeayea!!!

my not-so-new friend turned things inside out for me. through the exaggerated happenings of the past week, all hail the new "day". (it's dai, people.) let's all live in a submarine!!!

yahoo.Ü

"...i don't know... i'm having fun, i guess. i mean, i know how people see me, like, one of those perfect girls that everything works out for... i just always wanted to punch one of them on the face... i'm not a robot, you know, i just haven't done very much... yet."
- Anna Ross (The Perfect Score)

how true, how true.