reasons...

okay, call me confused.

i must say, confusion has broadened my take on things... i think even more now, and i feel a little better... i don't really know if i'll get through this mind state, but it pretty much doesn't matter at this point. i'm stuck here. i'm lost for life.

i just think it sucks that some people are born--umm...--"unconventional." i mean, not weird unconventional, but in a "different-kainis-unconventional" sort of way. they think that everything can be accomplished by pitiful means, and they take most things for granted. they treat things as if it's a game. i mean, get real, man. life is a game, but it doesn't mean you should screw sense AND sensitivity (not sense and sensibility, ha. as in being sensitive.) to the ground. being a little human wouldn't hurt naman, right? people should try that sometimes.

kainis. i was in the process of thinking that i've had a good day, but things just had to get shitty. shittiER, i mean, because i dismissed a few "wrong" moments in the duration of the night. well, now, i remember every single kainis moment. oh joy.

why reasons? i don't really know... reasons for my actions? for being very "un-jaimie-like?" or for making things come to this point? well... right now it could be all of those, or maybe none pala.

i'm such a freak.

good news, people: i've finally had a real drinking experience. my lame attempts to drink before tonight(er... this morning...Ü) had been short-lived, because of varied reasons. but, unexpectedly, nothing counter-attacked my decision of finally giving in to the whims of some of my friends. and so, i drank. but, sad to say, I DID NOT GET DRUNK. hahaÜ who would've thought that i'd have a high tolerance for liquor? i myself was very surprised. darn it---my cousin (who drinks way more often than me) pa was the one who wanted to give up at once. score!Ü hahaÜ kiddingÜ even all our friends were surprised... oh my goodness... well, what's good is that i refused to drink na after a few rounds. eww... think about getting drunk in a public place. i don't want to humiliate myself in front of people i don't know, thank you very much.

but still, oh my goodness...

i'm not particularly proud of what happened, but i just wanted to let the world know. there's nothing wrong with that anyway, right?

i hate myself. i should've went out with my brother last night... oh crap. "nasa huli ang pagsisisi." if only i wasn't lazy... drat. i could've had a taste of my brother's gimmick agenda and everything that goes with it. and he kept on telling me after that he had a good time. not very, but he was at least okay with what happened.

aaaaaaahhh... my thoughts are all tangled up. my mind is such a mess. well, actually... i am a mess. oh well.