my heart actually hurts.
many of you would think that this was supposed to be entitled "love actually" (as opposed to "heart, actually."), that being one of my all-time fave movies. but it's not, so, whatever.
after witnessing an unexpected moment, it really surprised me that my heart actually hurt--for real. it was neither a mere pang, nor was it a painful twitch; for some weirdly unexplainable reason, it was real pain. it must have been some constriction or a medically-explainable whatnot, but i felt it--i'm feeling it. and it doesn't seem to go away.
this could be an influence of my dear partner-in-crime, to the truest extent that we feel each other's pains now. but i know this is solely mine. with touches of my world's facets maybe, but mostly of right now.
due to events uncalled for, i am again stuck in a rut. "i don't know why i'm frightened, i know my way around here..." for as long as i can remember, i have been baffled with the uncertainties of this same opportunity. but i have no idea why everything scares me so much more now. to quote mine wise sensei, "...there are no mistakes, just lessons to be learned." and i still have no idea why the aftershocks do not insist themselves into my anatomy. although actions have been made by some to sensationalize this supposed bizaare manifestation, my hypothalamus still seeks to ponder on what should be. sure, things are better now. but what makes that an assurance that everything will be fine?
i know, how obsessive of me to be such an automator. but i can't help it if i know deep down that something is definitely up. you can't blame a woman for her intuition, after all. that's what keeps us going. meanwhile, amidst all the hullabaloo, i still cannot fathom what exactly the plan for me is.
i'm going crazy, my head is spinning. i can't just make myself believe that this is fine. my corpus callosum is severed, my hemispheres do not work well anymore. bottomline? i'm toast.
Monday, August 21, 2006
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Wrong Place, Wrong Time.
just when i thought things are harboring back smidgens of normalcy, i thrust myself into a world of unchartered dispute. the fallacy that is my knowledge is tested in the waters of uncertainty, i can just die.
why do the beloved live such an inconsequential life? my heart's despair reaches to the depths of the earth's core. sometimes, when you perceive moments as real, you find out pretty soon that it was all a lie.
i knew destiny couldn't have helped ranting about missed instances. i knew right off the bat i was to become an accessory to the complications of varied beadwork. if only i had seen the bigger picture sooner, i would not feel this way.
so, now dear sister is the rancidly unscrupulous being that graced fate's existence. how should she know she's being cursed to oblivion by those dearest to her anatomy? everything is so darn surreal, i hate it.
it's a good thing people rarely grasp the precision of mine inscriptions. add to that the little factoid that is my esotericity. there is solace in the vehemence my veins emit. mi fuera leaps to the bounds of the unknown, and my work will never be done.
i have never felt a melange of such in the past eons of my existence. i am EXTREMELY stupid for having fallen for a lie. and i initiated the truce.
i am such a loser.
i have guarded my physiology against that kind for so long, my walls are crumbling. i am a confused mound of a life. will my alternate universe please set me free?
NEVER AGAIN. half-baked uncertainty in the magnitude of life's shreddings of essential truths. time will come, and i will finally break free from all of this.
please.
why do the beloved live such an inconsequential life? my heart's despair reaches to the depths of the earth's core. sometimes, when you perceive moments as real, you find out pretty soon that it was all a lie.
i knew destiny couldn't have helped ranting about missed instances. i knew right off the bat i was to become an accessory to the complications of varied beadwork. if only i had seen the bigger picture sooner, i would not feel this way.
so, now dear sister is the rancidly unscrupulous being that graced fate's existence. how should she know she's being cursed to oblivion by those dearest to her anatomy? everything is so darn surreal, i hate it.
it's a good thing people rarely grasp the precision of mine inscriptions. add to that the little factoid that is my esotericity. there is solace in the vehemence my veins emit. mi fuera leaps to the bounds of the unknown, and my work will never be done.
i have never felt a melange of such in the past eons of my existence. i am EXTREMELY stupid for having fallen for a lie. and i initiated the truce.
i am such a loser.
i have guarded my physiology against that kind for so long, my walls are crumbling. i am a confused mound of a life. will my alternate universe please set me free?
NEVER AGAIN. half-baked uncertainty in the magnitude of life's shreddings of essential truths. time will come, and i will finally break free from all of this.
please.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Time and Time Again
for the past eons of my life, flakeouts were persistently emerging from the cracks of beyond. as much as i try to work with these dents i dodge with all my might, there is always that one time when all hell breaks loose... and the flakeouts come crashing down on you.
unfortunately, that day had to be today. my sleeplessly quiet dawn was shattered by untold circumstances... and my life morphed into the life i never knew. the life i passed by, the life i saw from a distance.
but i had to live in the agony today. why today? why now that i did not prepare at all? if only i had forseen this...
then again, it is truly wise to expect the unexpected. i know i'm changing, i'm doing all i can to cope. but i wasn't as ready now. God is fair. He leaves you dumbfounded in random moments of your life, and you stare in awe and relentlessly hold on to dear life and to the greater power that is His will. times like these, we all are left mystified of the glory of how He truly is.
i really understand where you're coming from, but what happened happened. it would be hypocritical to say i feel for you ten million percent, but i understand. you also have to understand now that things happen for a reason. and what matters is how you work with it. cliche, yes. but SO true.
these moments are showered upon us to foster the growth of our recklessnesses, to edify us of the truth that there are other people we affect than just ourselves. we are caught unaware, as opposed to grasping every drop of the reality that there is.so what to do?
deal with it.
sounds harsh, but that's life. my flakeouts will come again, but whatever happens, i'll be sticking to it. all that's let for me to do now is BREATHE.
BREATHE...
breathe...
breathe.
unfortunately, that day had to be today. my sleeplessly quiet dawn was shattered by untold circumstances... and my life morphed into the life i never knew. the life i passed by, the life i saw from a distance.
but i had to live in the agony today. why today? why now that i did not prepare at all? if only i had forseen this...
then again, it is truly wise to expect the unexpected. i know i'm changing, i'm doing all i can to cope. but i wasn't as ready now. God is fair. He leaves you dumbfounded in random moments of your life, and you stare in awe and relentlessly hold on to dear life and to the greater power that is His will. times like these, we all are left mystified of the glory of how He truly is.
i really understand where you're coming from, but what happened happened. it would be hypocritical to say i feel for you ten million percent, but i understand. you also have to understand now that things happen for a reason. and what matters is how you work with it. cliche, yes. but SO true.
these moments are showered upon us to foster the growth of our recklessnesses, to edify us of the truth that there are other people we affect than just ourselves. we are caught unaware, as opposed to grasping every drop of the reality that there is.so what to do?
deal with it.
sounds harsh, but that's life. my flakeouts will come again, but whatever happens, i'll be sticking to it. all that's let for me to do now is BREATHE.
BREATHE...
breathe...
breathe.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
madness ahoy
it's 3:03 am and i'm still up.
there's something unnatural about this habit, yet i seem to always result to this.
no classes tomorrow. again. rest is on its way.
despite numerous attempts to regain restlessness, i still succumb to anesthetized frenzy. i'm losing my mind. my brain cells are dissolving into oblivion.
or so i thought.
true enough, the wheels are still turning--incessantly, if i may add--that it hurts. i have just done loads of emailing, my head hurts. the world must be filled with all my blabber by now. and it sucks. if only i knew a few eons ago that the minutes prior to this hour would hook me to the dreaded physical and mental state, i would not have explored the waves too much. meanwhile, i am basking in my sanity in this extremely unholy hour.
i'm melting...
there's something unnatural about this habit, yet i seem to always result to this.
no classes tomorrow. again. rest is on its way.
despite numerous attempts to regain restlessness, i still succumb to anesthetized frenzy. i'm losing my mind. my brain cells are dissolving into oblivion.
or so i thought.
true enough, the wheels are still turning--incessantly, if i may add--that it hurts. i have just done loads of emailing, my head hurts. the world must be filled with all my blabber by now. and it sucks. if only i knew a few eons ago that the minutes prior to this hour would hook me to the dreaded physical and mental state, i would not have explored the waves too much. meanwhile, i am basking in my sanity in this extremely unholy hour.
i'm melting...
Monday, June 19, 2006
Crime Overdue
world, this'll be bleeped.
(the date is 07 june 2006, 12:14 in the afternoon. the sun is extreme, and a medley of tension and relief is in the air. cinderella, in a plain white uniform carrying a pink and purple largely- checkered bag, age 20, enters, stage right. she walks to the solitary chair at the end of a table on stage left and disarrays notepaper in front of her. she takes out a notebook and a blue pen, and starts to write...)
pitstop haven= unexpected freakland.
i am compelled to digest [with extremely careful initial mastication] a whole chunk of bread in this haven of uncertainty. i seemingly drown myself in agua to further numb my tracts of any solid food intake.
a million thanks to the Lord for a slice of heaven from beyond.Ü and now my premonitions of greater responsibilities [and total euphoria] have been answered. oh yeah!
(she looks around the crowded place and takes a deep breath. eyes closed, she feels the weight of the day's pressures on her shoulders.
another deep breath.
she opens her eyes and continues her astral journey...)
i now know that once again, the issues are alive. or have they ever been dead? i kind of don't think so. oh well. at least the issues are of coolness and untold hubba-hubbas.;)
yipee! albeit ideas of queerness and hands-offness, i am still amazed of my SSP's enthronement and freakish buoyance.
man, oh man. i just LOVE life. maybe all these happened for a reason---for me to really find myself in this ultrachaotic world--and web--of lies and slivers of truth. i may be millions of light-years away from relevance to their kind, but the association is signed, sealed, and delivered. i am in a league of my own, and i am so stinkin' happy about it.
as i savor the final few bites of this breadly uncertainty, i reminisce hearing the valentine's' non-happenings for some people out there. Go sir!Ü
methinks they lurve moi endeavors. they want to shift to my side this time. yeayea! coolness.Ü
i now recognize the past and put together a face and a name. she was the legality to cha's illegality, i get it now. the apple of his eye. haha. now i know.
ano yan?
(point. point. point. she feels unmistakably freakish, but pulls off bouts of a relaxed mind. hurrah!)
the last bite. ubercrisp goodness suddenly deemed delectable by one's picky tastebuds. a sense of heaven in today's events. thank you, Lord!
extreme joy. giddy-happy. major score, man.
B-E-A-utiful.ÜÜÜ
(the date is 07 june 2006, 12:14 in the afternoon. the sun is extreme, and a medley of tension and relief is in the air. cinderella, in a plain white uniform carrying a pink and purple largely- checkered bag, age 20, enters, stage right. she walks to the solitary chair at the end of a table on stage left and disarrays notepaper in front of her. she takes out a notebook and a blue pen, and starts to write...)
pitstop haven= unexpected freakland.
i am compelled to digest [with extremely careful initial mastication] a whole chunk of bread in this haven of uncertainty. i seemingly drown myself in agua to further numb my tracts of any solid food intake.
a million thanks to the Lord for a slice of heaven from beyond.Ü and now my premonitions of greater responsibilities [and total euphoria] have been answered. oh yeah!
(she looks around the crowded place and takes a deep breath. eyes closed, she feels the weight of the day's pressures on her shoulders.
another deep breath.
she opens her eyes and continues her astral journey...)
i now know that once again, the issues are alive. or have they ever been dead? i kind of don't think so. oh well. at least the issues are of coolness and untold hubba-hubbas.;)
yipee! albeit ideas of queerness and hands-offness, i am still amazed of my SSP's enthronement and freakish buoyance.
man, oh man. i just LOVE life. maybe all these happened for a reason---for me to really find myself in this ultrachaotic world--and web--of lies and slivers of truth. i may be millions of light-years away from relevance to their kind, but the association is signed, sealed, and delivered. i am in a league of my own, and i am so stinkin' happy about it.
as i savor the final few bites of this breadly uncertainty, i reminisce hearing the valentine's' non-happenings for some people out there. Go sir!Ü
methinks they lurve moi endeavors. they want to shift to my side this time. yeayea! coolness.Ü
i now recognize the past and put together a face and a name. she was the legality to cha's illegality, i get it now. the apple of his eye. haha. now i know.
ano yan?
(point. point. point. she feels unmistakably freakish, but pulls off bouts of a relaxed mind. hurrah!)
the last bite. ubercrisp goodness suddenly deemed delectable by one's picky tastebuds. a sense of heaven in today's events. thank you, Lord!
extreme joy. giddy-happy. major score, man.
B-E-A-utiful.ÜÜÜ
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Survival Of The Fittest
thoughts of previous tasks...
time to deal with all i've left behind now.
what's done is done.
so far, so good. storm into school like a regular human being, with millions to share. as far as i know, irregularity does not kill. it may merely infuriate my beloved mental capacity at times, but still. summer science, here i come.
i really hope we leave on that proposed month, though. so as to get a headstart on rebuilding my academic life. if things go as planned, i'll be normal by next year. i mean---my next year. that's not so bad, right? i mean, i know it can only get better.
i hope.
SO--- a reform is in order this year. i will be better---even if it kills me. that is my personal sacrifice. that is for the welfare of mine future---be it academic or artistic.
so, goodbye to lax dreams and chill-ness, i will miss you things so much. i must and shall embark on my personal journey to the straits of the unknown (and the previously-known, for that matter). i will miss everyone for sure.
tai tien, immaturity and half-baked me-ness, and hello to embellished reform.
time to deal with all i've left behind now.
what's done is done.
so far, so good. storm into school like a regular human being, with millions to share. as far as i know, irregularity does not kill. it may merely infuriate my beloved mental capacity at times, but still. summer science, here i come.
i really hope we leave on that proposed month, though. so as to get a headstart on rebuilding my academic life. if things go as planned, i'll be normal by next year. i mean---my next year. that's not so bad, right? i mean, i know it can only get better.
i hope.
SO--- a reform is in order this year. i will be better---even if it kills me. that is my personal sacrifice. that is for the welfare of mine future---be it academic or artistic.
so, goodbye to lax dreams and chill-ness, i will miss you things so much. i must and shall embark on my personal journey to the straits of the unknown (and the previously-known, for that matter). i will miss everyone for sure.
tai tien, immaturity and half-baked me-ness, and hello to embellished reform.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Randoms.
initially back from south korea.
now back from singapore.
off to taipei on saturday.
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i sold my soul to succumbing delight.
is this real?
my virtual reality seemingly patches the artwork that is my world of calm, semi-perfection, and un-despair. if things show me the light, then why not? but a cloud of dread escapes into my momentay flutter.
fear.
afraid to take the plunge, perhaps? or just afraid to reveal thyself to chance? the inexperience creeps into the marrows of my bones, and into the charges of my neural activity.
but why hope?
bizaare as it may seem, my weary artery aches for that rush, that flight to the beloved astral plane that is euphoria. euphoria in feeling, yes. anything is possible, just like many would say. but why is this comntroversy throwing daggers aimlessly through my heart and soul?
i am a mosaic of unexplicable abyss.
now back from singapore.
off to taipei on saturday.
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i sold my soul to succumbing delight.
is this real?
my virtual reality seemingly patches the artwork that is my world of calm, semi-perfection, and un-despair. if things show me the light, then why not? but a cloud of dread escapes into my momentay flutter.
fear.
afraid to take the plunge, perhaps? or just afraid to reveal thyself to chance? the inexperience creeps into the marrows of my bones, and into the charges of my neural activity.
but why hope?
bizaare as it may seem, my weary artery aches for that rush, that flight to the beloved astral plane that is euphoria. euphoria in feeling, yes. anything is possible, just like many would say. but why is this comntroversy throwing daggers aimlessly through my heart and soul?
i am a mosaic of unexplicable abyss.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Bittersweet Birthday
what a bittersweet weekend.
things have been inching towards crappiness ever since that unfortunate edsa event.
yes, folks, am now 20. it's actually so much fun, cz i get to obssess on my life more. at least now, the pressure of achieving will really drive me to work.
and work..
and work.
so, that's the story of my life.
thanks to those who remembered, love you guys. :) my week wasn't the greatest, but everyone who cared made it one of the best anyways. :)
things have been inching towards crappiness ever since that unfortunate edsa event.
yes, folks, am now 20. it's actually so much fun, cz i get to obssess on my life more. at least now, the pressure of achieving will really drive me to work.
and work..
and work.
so, that's the story of my life.
thanks to those who remembered, love you guys. :) my week wasn't the greatest, but everyone who cared made it one of the best anyways. :)
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Toast.
a humongous error is on its way and my sanity is crumbling to oblivion once again.
argh.
i need air.
argh.
i need air.
Friday, February 17, 2006
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Pandemonium
oh, the things i do.
my cousins are back from England, and my life's events are getting hectic-er than normal (for the holidays, i mean). my days of bumming around the house and catching up on much needed entertainment and (more importantly) 'Zzzs' has been put on hold to make way for the greater good that is family.Ü
we're off to Lord knows where in a few, i am just left rearranging the weblives of dear ate before we depart for r&r.
enlightenment from the seniors was bestowed upon moi hours ago, and i was left to take all the blows and guilt explanations of them titas. and i realize that i am a constant hot topic whenever older relatives come back home. oh well. what's done cannot be undone.
blah, blah, blah.
i'm off.
my cousins are back from England, and my life's events are getting hectic-er than normal (for the holidays, i mean). my days of bumming around the house and catching up on much needed entertainment and (more importantly) 'Zzzs' has been put on hold to make way for the greater good that is family.Ü
we're off to Lord knows where in a few, i am just left rearranging the weblives of dear ate before we depart for r&r.
enlightenment from the seniors was bestowed upon moi hours ago, and i was left to take all the blows and guilt explanations of them titas. and i realize that i am a constant hot topic whenever older relatives come back home. oh well. what's done cannot be undone.
blah, blah, blah.
i'm off.
Saturday, December 24, 2005
Broke, Broken?
i came across a friend's friendster profile a few minutes ago, and i saw some pictures that made me think of the times when i had sooo much free time with them friends. funny, though, how everyone have seemingly lost touch with each other after so short a time. it has been what--a few months? i don't know anymore.
the spirit of christmas, however, has brought--good cheer?--and, i guess, renewed hope for most of us. renewed hope, as in, that some still allow themselves to resurrect their closet skeletons amidst the chaos they encounter everyday they once referred to as life. i received calls from another old friend saying we have GOT to meet sometime, and that he wishes us all merry christmas.Ü
make that some of us... i have just gotten word that this christmas isn't as cheer-y as i once thought would be for others... another old friend's grandfather just passed away, and it kills me that they'd have to spend this season actually mourning... i'm so sorry, dear, for your loss. have you told me sooner, i could've visited or whatever.
with that in mind, i don't think i'm all that cheer-y now.
anyways, merry christmas to the rest of the world. and a happy new year too.
the spirit of christmas, however, has brought--good cheer?--and, i guess, renewed hope for most of us. renewed hope, as in, that some still allow themselves to resurrect their closet skeletons amidst the chaos they encounter everyday they once referred to as life. i received calls from another old friend saying we have GOT to meet sometime, and that he wishes us all merry christmas.Ü
make that some of us... i have just gotten word that this christmas isn't as cheer-y as i once thought would be for others... another old friend's grandfather just passed away, and it kills me that they'd have to spend this season actually mourning... i'm so sorry, dear, for your loss. have you told me sooner, i could've visited or whatever.
with that in mind, i don't think i'm all that cheer-y now.
anyways, merry christmas to the rest of the world. and a happy new year too.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Target
oh yes. as much effort i give to veer away from communal insanity and annoying target-shooting, they always seem to find me anyways.
freaky-crazy, but what can i do? i guess they love me that much. at least i'm not yesterday's news. problem is, i'm EVERYDAY'S news. why do people just love getting in on my life? goes to show who your real friends are. it doesn't matter to me now who treats me nicely or not, i'm back to paranoia101 again. INSECTS, listen: keep off the grass please.
and to those who don't want to be directed, get off my life. mind your own beeswax, get lost, vamoose. get the picture?
i don't mean to sound all bitchy, but recent events aren't excuses for sick, sad behavior. i'm keeping my sanity in check, you should do that too.
to everyone who's morphed into paparazzi, i'm watching you as well. let's play a little game of hide-and-seek, shall we?
if you can't take my guts, this'll make things easier for you: TRY NOT TO TAKE THEM.Ü
so much for two-faced superficials.
freaky-crazy, but what can i do? i guess they love me that much. at least i'm not yesterday's news. problem is, i'm EVERYDAY'S news. why do people just love getting in on my life? goes to show who your real friends are. it doesn't matter to me now who treats me nicely or not, i'm back to paranoia101 again. INSECTS, listen: keep off the grass please.
and to those who don't want to be directed, get off my life. mind your own beeswax, get lost, vamoose. get the picture?
i don't mean to sound all bitchy, but recent events aren't excuses for sick, sad behavior. i'm keeping my sanity in check, you should do that too.
to everyone who's morphed into paparazzi, i'm watching you as well. let's play a little game of hide-and-seek, shall we?
if you can't take my guts, this'll make things easier for you: TRY NOT TO TAKE THEM.Ü
so much for two-faced superficials.
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Dreamy... Ü
ahh... the life of a computer person.
because i can't think of anything else, i shall write about the facets of today.Ü
i had sooo much fun a while ago. i never thought that the time i'd perform with the untouchables would be today. yea, yea. so you thought we were some other group.
guess again.
the unexpected affair presented itself to moi, and recognition is of great concern. in the moment of goosebump-embedded bliss, the chance of electrocution shoved its way to my fingertips. ahoy there. thank you and you're... wow.Ü my efforts to remain sane has failed, i am again in my dreamy land. i love.Ü my abode shines brighter now. and now you all know i'm so much more than what you thought i was.Ü
oh, the joys of an imperfect life.Ü
i miss you guys, hope to see you soon. but i have other matters to take care of also, so... whatever happens.Ü (oh, and by the way, to my SSP: you rock.Ü)
because i can't think of anything else, i shall write about the facets of today.Ü
i had sooo much fun a while ago. i never thought that the time i'd perform with the untouchables would be today. yea, yea. so you thought we were some other group.
guess again.
the unexpected affair presented itself to moi, and recognition is of great concern. in the moment of goosebump-embedded bliss, the chance of electrocution shoved its way to my fingertips. ahoy there. thank you and you're... wow.Ü my efforts to remain sane has failed, i am again in my dreamy land. i love.Ü my abode shines brighter now. and now you all know i'm so much more than what you thought i was.Ü
oh, the joys of an imperfect life.Ü
i miss you guys, hope to see you soon. but i have other matters to take care of also, so... whatever happens.Ü (oh, and by the way, to my SSP: you rock.Ü)
Friday, November 25, 2005
Wicked
i find myself completely drawn to this masterpiece. and i thought everything i liked about this was superficial.
oh well.
"i'm not that girl" deems very unexplicable for my beauteous life. i sooo love the song, and everything else that goes with it.
i hope i find resolution to my highly-climactic life nowadays.
i'm off.
LIZNGAL!!! i miss you pare!!! ÜÜÜ
oh well.
"i'm not that girl" deems very unexplicable for my beauteous life. i sooo love the song, and everything else that goes with it.
i hope i find resolution to my highly-climactic life nowadays.
i'm off.
LIZNGAL!!! i miss you pare!!! ÜÜÜ
Friday, November 18, 2005
15-Minute Solitude
thanks to early dismissals and time to kill, i am again in front of a computer screen (and no thanks to irritating power failure, i lost my entry a few eons ago).
i am seriously doubting my future plans. i want to do so much, but previous events are naturally beauteous hindrances to the prime of the prime of my life. being the overactive (though at times subdued) individual i am, i am again, torn between worlds.
my topsy-turvy life is now on the edge, and i am breaking parts of myself little by little, literally and figuratively. i am now on the verge of breaking, but in every life's decision, it is but natural to feel this way.
and so i shut up.
tomorrow is another day, and tomorrow will be filled with untold stress. is relaxing a crime? well, i think it is for me... right now. but pretty soon, i shall be in wonderful abyss. :)
if anything, i'm happy with whatever's happening in my life right now. at least i'm more... "out".
and that makes a whole lot more sense to me. :)
adios friends. :)
i am seriously doubting my future plans. i want to do so much, but previous events are naturally beauteous hindrances to the prime of the prime of my life. being the overactive (though at times subdued) individual i am, i am again, torn between worlds.
my topsy-turvy life is now on the edge, and i am breaking parts of myself little by little, literally and figuratively. i am now on the verge of breaking, but in every life's decision, it is but natural to feel this way.
and so i shut up.
tomorrow is another day, and tomorrow will be filled with untold stress. is relaxing a crime? well, i think it is for me... right now. but pretty soon, i shall be in wonderful abyss. :)
if anything, i'm happy with whatever's happening in my life right now. at least i'm more... "out".
and that makes a whole lot more sense to me. :)
adios friends. :)
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Of Birds and Bees...
...and butterfly and trees?
kind of.
in a nutshell, my life has been turned upside down in a day... a little over two weeks ago. now, i suddenly lost all time for anything else, and matters of commitment are tested. i'm not complaining, after all, this freaky possibility has been one of my goals ever since college started for moi. besides, if i really work, this is SOOO going to be worthwhile.
anyways, i'm still in school, pouring over my "extra curriculars," and trying to deal with things as they go. the blasted computer at home is possessed, so all attempts to indulge in nocturnal madness is ceased. well, semi-good thing, cz at least i get to sleep, though still less than usual. and at least this "sem break" isn't as fattening as i have somewhat pictured it to be a few ages ago. :)
it would be such a waste of time to update the world with matters of the past month, so to save civilization's eyes from blood-pumped veins and extra-terrestrial transformation, refer to the third paragraph of this entry.Ü
crazed irregularities lurking in every corner are proof of my end's nearing. i shall terminate myself from this quizzical hour and rest in pieces.
au revoir! (i'm sorry, but my incapacity to predict the combinations of the alt-keyed symbols make me unable to provide you with more precise letters. :p)
kind of.
in a nutshell, my life has been turned upside down in a day... a little over two weeks ago. now, i suddenly lost all time for anything else, and matters of commitment are tested. i'm not complaining, after all, this freaky possibility has been one of my goals ever since college started for moi. besides, if i really work, this is SOOO going to be worthwhile.
anyways, i'm still in school, pouring over my "extra curriculars," and trying to deal with things as they go. the blasted computer at home is possessed, so all attempts to indulge in nocturnal madness is ceased. well, semi-good thing, cz at least i get to sleep, though still less than usual. and at least this "sem break" isn't as fattening as i have somewhat pictured it to be a few ages ago. :)
it would be such a waste of time to update the world with matters of the past month, so to save civilization's eyes from blood-pumped veins and extra-terrestrial transformation, refer to the third paragraph of this entry.Ü
crazed irregularities lurking in every corner are proof of my end's nearing. i shall terminate myself from this quizzical hour and rest in pieces.
au revoir! (i'm sorry, but my incapacity to predict the combinations of the alt-keyed symbols make me unable to provide you with more precise letters. :p)
Friday, September 30, 2005
Harvesting Mushrooms
it's been a while.
actually, it's been too long.
it's the end of september, and i think it's obvious that the babied mushrooms need harvesting. so on i go.
i can't even begin to tell the world of everything i have on my mind right now [at 5am, yes.]. SOOO much has happened, and i'm afraid my momentary weakness from suspension in space will haunt me back to my peaceful place. so, the updates will come as shocks as i traverse the ends of the earth.
two friends of mine are celebrating their birthdays today, so happy birthday julio and ate lyz.Ü [i'm temporarily trashing all issues, so to those who wish to react, be my guest.] happy days to you both.
i'm in one of my busiest states yet again, so naturally, relaxing alone-time for me will be highly detrimental to my altered nature. forgiveness for major delays, for i know that a meteor should hit me first before i pull an all-nighter doing this once more. i should have been sleeping ages ago, but since my dear friend has subscribed to a life-threatening post-planner similar to this for moi and others, i am banging at these missed keys again.
have i been missed? heehee...Ü i think my hugs are increasing... yay for that!Ü
a lot has commenced that i want to blab about, but time is not on my side. i shall disconnect my precious device from its source, and live a happier life... in dreamland.Ü
actually, it's been too long.
it's the end of september, and i think it's obvious that the babied mushrooms need harvesting. so on i go.
i can't even begin to tell the world of everything i have on my mind right now [at 5am, yes.]. SOOO much has happened, and i'm afraid my momentary weakness from suspension in space will haunt me back to my peaceful place. so, the updates will come as shocks as i traverse the ends of the earth.
two friends of mine are celebrating their birthdays today, so happy birthday julio and ate lyz.Ü [i'm temporarily trashing all issues, so to those who wish to react, be my guest.] happy days to you both.
i'm in one of my busiest states yet again, so naturally, relaxing alone-time for me will be highly detrimental to my altered nature. forgiveness for major delays, for i know that a meteor should hit me first before i pull an all-nighter doing this once more. i should have been sleeping ages ago, but since my dear friend has subscribed to a life-threatening post-planner similar to this for moi and others, i am banging at these missed keys again.
have i been missed? heehee...Ü i think my hugs are increasing... yay for that!Ü
a lot has commenced that i want to blab about, but time is not on my side. i shall disconnect my precious device from its source, and live a happier life... in dreamland.Ü
Saturday, August 13, 2005
Bittersweet Semi-Symphony
self-induced irritation may be the most logical explanation for what i'm feeling now, but, not really. people say it's a matter of seeing the good in things. i say it's a matter of seeing things as they are supposed to be seen.
reasons. too many reasons.
1. my mom came home with a globe telecom paperbag in hand, asking me if i wanted the pink bear she got from-- i'm assuming--saisaki. [hello. hint, hint. a new cell phone. and it's not one of those cheap ones. grr. and she says i have this phone fetish. look who's talking.]
2. an extended lecture on how the world is uberdangerous nowadays [which, of course, started with the cellphone talk].
3. television invasion---i again lose to my parents. it's always theirs.
4. slow and painful torture. i can't breathe in this room. everyone's looking over my shoulder.
5. i passed the judgment day(s). for a sick person, that's an accomplishment.
6. oh, and that reminds me---yes, i'm still sick.
7. babytalk in the living room. [oh, spare me please!]
8. my weird fascination for momentary cynicism [well, for cynicism in general, momentary or otherwise.]
9. endless blabber i sooo don't want to hear. like forcing issues on me will make me listen. keep trying.
10. de-stressing my nonsoul, and de-cluttering my nerve-wracked mind.
***there you go. reasons. hence the title.
although the madness makes me want to shut my world out right now, i will still try my hardest to smile. i passed gc, all right. thanks to those who believed in my powerless state in the few days of judgment. ouchies.
sadly, my presently-incompetent state is unable to unleash sufficient wordplay to make the days of bored folk. you'll have to wait until next time.
reasons. too many reasons.
1. my mom came home with a globe telecom paperbag in hand, asking me if i wanted the pink bear she got from-- i'm assuming--saisaki. [hello. hint, hint. a new cell phone. and it's not one of those cheap ones. grr. and she says i have this phone fetish. look who's talking.]
2. an extended lecture on how the world is uberdangerous nowadays [which, of course, started with the cellphone talk].
3. television invasion---i again lose to my parents. it's always theirs.
4. slow and painful torture. i can't breathe in this room. everyone's looking over my shoulder.
5. i passed the judgment day(s). for a sick person, that's an accomplishment.
6. oh, and that reminds me---yes, i'm still sick.
7. babytalk in the living room. [oh, spare me please!]
8. my weird fascination for momentary cynicism [well, for cynicism in general, momentary or otherwise.]
9. endless blabber i sooo don't want to hear. like forcing issues on me will make me listen. keep trying.
10. de-stressing my nonsoul, and de-cluttering my nerve-wracked mind.
***there you go. reasons. hence the title.
although the madness makes me want to shut my world out right now, i will still try my hardest to smile. i passed gc, all right. thanks to those who believed in my powerless state in the few days of judgment. ouchies.
sadly, my presently-incompetent state is unable to unleash sufficient wordplay to make the days of bored folk. you'll have to wait until next time.
Saturday, August 06, 2005
Ouchies...
now that i think about it. i don't feel too well after all.
a book read and and halfway though another one doesn't make me feel better also. i've been resting every single moment i can get to, but to no avail. methinks my nonsoul wants to rest for real. but for how long, i still don't know.
a book read and and halfway though another one doesn't make me feel better also. i've been resting every single moment i can get to, but to no avail. methinks my nonsoul wants to rest for real. but for how long, i still don't know.
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