Of Birds and Bees...

...and butterfly and trees?

kind of.

in a nutshell, my life has been turned upside down in a day... a little over two weeks ago. now, i suddenly lost all time for anything else, and matters of commitment are tested. i'm not complaining, after all, this freaky possibility has been one of my goals ever since college started for moi. besides, if i really work, this is SOOO going to be worthwhile.

anyways, i'm still in school, pouring over my "extra curriculars," and trying to deal with things as they go. the blasted computer at home is possessed, so all attempts to indulge in nocturnal madness is ceased. well, semi-good thing, cz at least i get to sleep, though still less than usual. and at least this "sem break" isn't as fattening as i have somewhat pictured it to be a few ages ago. :)

it would be such a waste of time to update the world with matters of the past month, so to save civilization's eyes from blood-pumped veins and extra-terrestrial transformation, refer to the third paragraph of this entry.Ü

crazed irregularities lurking in every corner are proof of my end's nearing. i shall terminate myself from this quizzical hour and rest in pieces.

au revoir! (i'm sorry, but my incapacity to predict the combinations of the alt-keyed symbols make me unable to provide you with more precise letters. :p)

Harvesting Mushrooms

it's been a while.

actually, it's been too long.

it's the end of september, and i think it's obvious that the babied mushrooms need harvesting. so on i go.

i can't even begin to tell the world of everything i have on my mind right now [at 5am, yes.]. SOOO much has happened, and i'm afraid my momentary weakness from suspension in space will haunt me back to my peaceful place. so, the updates will come as shocks as i traverse the ends of the earth.

two friends of mine are celebrating their birthdays today, so happy birthday julio and ate lyz.Ü [i'm temporarily trashing all issues, so to those who wish to react, be my guest.] happy days to you both.

i'm in one of my busiest states yet again, so naturally, relaxing alone-time for me will be highly detrimental to my altered nature. forgiveness for major delays, for i know that a meteor should hit me first before i pull an all-nighter doing this once more. i should have been sleeping ages ago, but since my dear friend has subscribed to a life-threatening post-planner similar to this for moi and others, i am banging at these missed keys again.

have i been missed? heehee...Ü i think my hugs are increasing... yay for that!Ü

a lot has commenced that i want to blab about, but time is not on my side. i shall disconnect my precious device from its source, and live a happier life... in dreamland.Ü

Bittersweet Semi-Symphony

self-induced irritation may be the most logical explanation for what i'm feeling now, but, not really. people say it's a matter of seeing the good in things. i say it's a matter of seeing things as they are supposed to be seen.

reasons. too many reasons.

1. my mom came home with a globe telecom paperbag in hand, asking me if i wanted the pink bear she got from-- i'm assuming--saisaki. [hello. hint, hint. a new cell phone. and it's not one of those cheap ones. grr. and she says i have this phone fetish. look who's talking.]

2. an extended lecture on how the world is uberdangerous nowadays [which, of course, started with the cellphone talk].

3. television invasion---i again lose to my parents. it's always theirs.

4. slow and painful torture. i can't breathe in this room. everyone's looking over my shoulder.

5. i passed the judgment day(s). for a sick person, that's an accomplishment.

6. oh, and that reminds me---yes, i'm still sick.

7. babytalk in the living room. [oh, spare me please!]

8. my weird fascination for momentary cynicism [well, for cynicism in general, momentary or otherwise.]

9. endless blabber i sooo don't want to hear. like forcing issues on me will make me listen. keep trying.

10. de-stressing my nonsoul, and de-cluttering my nerve-wracked mind.

***there you go. reasons. hence the title.

although the madness makes me want to shut my world out right now, i will still try my hardest to smile. i passed gc, all right. thanks to those who believed in my powerless state in the few days of judgment. ouchies.

sadly, my presently-incompetent state is unable to unleash sufficient wordplay to make the days of bored folk. you'll have to wait until next time.

Ouchies...

now that i think about it. i don't feel too well after all.

a book read and and halfway though another one doesn't make me feel better also. i've been resting every single moment i can get to, but to no avail. methinks my nonsoul wants to rest for real. but for how long, i still don't know.

Ten Straight Sick Days

this does not mean cursing the number. i just am still really sick.

on the lighter side of things, i'm happy today [well, despite all the crap i had to put up with and the extremely pitiful time i've had with the rest of civilization]. the three new books i had my parents purchase for sick, sad moi [harhar, the perks...Ü] kind of turned my day upside down. not only do i envision curling up in bed in the coming cold nights with a good book, a warm comforter and hot green tea and milk partnered with peanut butter and chocolate creme oreos [in pjs... ah... sweet.], but also the adventure my mind shall embark on the moment i turn a book's page.

another great idea==> oreos' alternate: cinnamon milk oatmeal. heaven.Ü and with more puppy-dog eyes and eyelash-batting [albeit REALLY in pain] directed to the rents, my wishes are their command.Ü thank you Lord for the gift of life!Ü

life is SOOO good.Ü

i absolutely love this idea, but sadly, there's a bad side to all the bliss i'm oh-so-waiting to get. two words: Judgment Day. it's so sad that i overlooked this thought when i constantly dreamt of unending comfort, and now that i'm considering the idea, my insides are churning and i can't breathe--literally.

i don't know if i'll ever get through tomorrow, because starting 6:30 am, my hellish day will start. i don't even know if i'll be well by then, but at the rate things are going, i don't really think so. the question still remains unanswered then: should i succumb to my pathetic dis-ease and not go through with tomorrow's lethal fury or just take in the wrath of my literally ruined future?

oh man.

before every ounce of my sanity disappears and i collapse into a heap of school things on the floor, end this ranting i will. now i have to summon up my inner yoda and try to make peace with the Force.

that is, if no dark lord wll stand in my way.

i PRAY that With Me the Force May Be.

Freaky Friday (Saturday, actually.)

call me crazy.

i'm being eaten alive by immeasurable nervy-ness and sky-high pressure. i don't know why exactly i'm reacting this way, but i guess this proves i'm still normal.

in a way.

everyone wishes me goodluck, but i am inching my way to death now because i know i don't stand a chance. the people i'm going to compete with are sooo good, no one can understand the dread i am nursing in the depths of my heart and soul. i just have one wish, prayer, cry, whatever: that i don't make a fool out of myself on my judgment day(s).

this is for me. i'm not doing this for anyone else.

"i am not lost, i have merely lost my way."

thanks, lian dear. you're the greatest.Ü i shall quote razi in my next ranting.Ü

i have the greatest life, and the greatest trials too. i hope i get through next week [most especially monday] so i can continue with my treasured existence.

Methinks you know mine deepest sorrow

Thine eyes shall see my grave to-morrow;

And as we walk in worlds apart

Mine weary soul, mine mind, mine heart

Salute Thine will, to life behold

T'is great a story never once told.

Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam.

Amazing Grace

i'm proud to say i can never fully fathom the greatness of life and chance. i guess we all should be lost in a way, and i'm glad i am practically braille-ling my way through this aspect.Ü

can i just say that i love my life???Ü everything seems to be getting clearer for me, and i can finally see a little more light now. it's been soooo long since i last enjoyed every bit of my day, and it's just how i remembered it... WOW.Ü

i'm exhausted and on the verge of fainting, but at least i had a fun day. many thanks to Him and His brilliance.Ü

i must say, luck is probably the last thing i'll need for that thing in a week and a few days. i'm still not sure of what i'll be doing, i'm just hoping i won't humiliate myself AGAIN. i at least want to get out of that place with a tiny smile. help me please.

i am an army of one. i hope i pull this off.

one time, big time. keep praying.

for myself and not for anyone else. one big fight. i believe.

Paradise Lost

it takes a lot to know what life is. and it pains me like hell when i know my dearest friends are sad. they don't have to tell me. i just know.

some people think that moving on is the worst thing that can ever happen in a person's life. they purposefully detach themselves from all they love just so they can say they give themselves importance and that they're cutting people slack.

i guess it's common that we pretend to be ecstatic when our hearts are screaming in bloodbath inside us. it's a technique we humans have learned to love because we want to project euphoric pretenses and numb the world of despair. i say it makes things harder for us. so, sometimes, it won't hurt if we all be a tad over-sincere.

distance has proved to maim hearts and generate heartache and solitude. it will be all up to us if we would go for the path which urges us to fight like crazy for underproduced sanity, or if we settle with undermined hopes and dreams and therefore make us bitter folks and unaccomplished retards. i hope my friend chooses to live and not be put down by her recent separation from her paradise. whatever happens, everyone will be here.

discombobulation seemingly establishes unbridled fury from the inhabitants that astound my existence. not bad. harharharÜ

before everything else crumbles to oblivion, i shall say so long to my unrestrained ramblings and go to class.

Equanimity Overload

"train comes, i don't know its destination... it's a one-way ticket to a MAJOR SITUATION."

i don't know why all of a sudden, things are starting to roll over on its good side. i'm not complaining, but i can't help asking my unsettlingly calm brain if this is a prelude to what's going to come.

i've studied too much foreshadowing to be pleasant about all this.

but i'll live first.Ü

complacent freaks surround my existence, and i laugh in their presence. funny, though, cz as soon as i bequeath this ordeal upon them, their sanctimonious smirks diminish and they crumble their behinds off to hell knows where. i soo love my life. it gives me a chance to give despicable people a taste of their own medicine.

birthday celebrations prove to be another haven of unforseen negative energy between adversaries. don't get me wrong, this usually happens in the most inconceivable of cases, but apparently, those cases suit last saturday evening. congratulations to cynical madness, resign to your fate.

last minute grocery-shopping is crucial to human life. and so, upon deciding to endure the continuous expulsion of dead skin cells by cruising the aisles of the earnest folly of grocery stores, clear your mind and relax. momentarily forsaken entities may be perceived lurking in the depths of stacked boxes and overstuffed shelves. think in advance, be a nonchalant princess to the world of shadows, and keep a funny story in your purse. that will surely let you ace the jackpot encounter.

i'm off. farewell to the land of dreams.

Bared, Unearthed, & Exposed

"nothing feels right anymore..."

conversations with depressed and longing friends makes it so much easier to relive moments of despair and extreme cases. and i'm not really sure i like it. options are thrown right in my face, and i am left giving them advice on all the stupid hullabaloo i previously got myself into.

i still can't understand why people can't get over themselves and just say how and what they really feel to another person. if pride is all we're considering here, then everything's useless. it just sucks that no one really super honest is left in this world. yes, we're all entitled to secrets, but too much is just too much. if the rest of humanity knows about your ordeal, then just let the person know already. you never know.

yes, certain friends may be alarmed with all i just said, but let them face it. it's going to be good for them anyways.

i can finally drive now. legally. yay! it's such a drag applying for that freakish TIN. and i'm not even working yet. oh well. this government is so annoying.

june 23rd. a few more weeks to go before joey's bash, and a little less than a month before sis'. coolness. at least the race with time is slightly postponed because of very helpful pre-preparations. i love what i do.Ü

i got a newsletter of this other org that wants to recruit me. i'm suddenly given rehearsal schedules, service schedules, and notifications on everything the group has to know. ohkaaay. call me dense, but... what exactly is going on?

hmmm...

i'm supposed to be resting for tomorrow. and some people are supposed to text me if they'll ditch me or not. haaaaaaaaay. i hope everything goes well.

i have another confession: i'm not really sure i'm cut out for the things i just got my sorry behind into. well, the judges will decide... but i am left paralyzed, and it stinks.

oh well.

i finally surrender

oh yes, multiply's larger-than-life journal tab gets the better of me and practically forces me out of my guts to write. oh well. although this will be super tasking, i think i can handle having 3 blogs anyway. i hope.

i am stuck in a really really crappy state (of everything) now. i almost can' t think straight, i'm dead tired, and i can't sleep. so much for rest.

i have an early day tomorrow, the earliest weekday of every week, and all i can think of is how much i'm going to abuse my batteries starting 630 am. as much as i'd hate to start moving that early, i am left without a choice.

oh, the perks of phys. ed.

oh joy.

it's my friend's birthday today. and i feel bad i texted late, but... at least i remembered. and it just sucks that our exhausting schedules just won't give. we're all going to be stuck in our schools with practically nothing else to do but stare at the wonderful professors that grace our individual momentary existence. the things people do to have a good life (i actually am not complaining, but sometimes, you have to get tired of your routine).

squeezy talk and jealous sisters. SOOO much of that on the loose these days.

so, okay, i'm about to see the squeezy people again friday night. i'm seeing a lot of squeeziness, a lot of new stories, a whole lot of arguments, and soooo much more. i hope there won't be any drastic changes and desperate measures, or else i'm gonna freak.

in all the places, in all the sites, in all the web. i had to get sucked into multiply. :p

did i miss something?

all of a sudden, shocking truths and/or revelations are slowly unfolding right in front of me. for many unknown reasons, they show me all their gravity and grandeur all at the same time. it's not at all super freaky, just semi-shocking.

news of school are kind of getting out of hand. a lot of people are talking crap about everything. oh, whatever.

i am about to embark on a highly-fussy (more like highly-annoying) night regime. if only that dermatologist cared. ah, grr. just follow, i tell myself. but still... argh. oh, what the hell. i better stop complaining and shut my trap if i want to keep my skull intact.

i hope things turn out fine tomorrow, and i hope i get things straight with people.

okay, i'm clearly not making sense anymore, so off to dreamland i go.

torn once again

the guardians of my mind are at war again.

i don't know if i really want school to start already. of course, it would be another year. of mixed feelings and experiences all at once. but if truth be told, half of me wants to go, and half is begging for a REAL vacation.

i suck.

there's one thing i hate about the start of this schoolyear. my mom's leaving again in a few days and she'll be gone for a few weeks. darned business trips. and she won't be here on father's day... awww... i feel for my dad. :'(

most of what transpired yesterday were very disturbing. i hate that my cousin got really screwed and there were more family problems now that she'll have to deal with, i hate that my friends are having weird arguments again, and i hate that a lot of people i know are sooo sad now because of certain things. i don't know... am i bringing back the old jaimie too concerned of the miniscule details, or am i just stuck in a phase of oversensitivity now? i can never get this question answered.

my best friend among the family friends i have called me two days ago. i really missed her, and it feels so bad that we still won't get to see each other. after all, laguna is sooo not a ten-minute car ride from my house. but still. it sucks that her family's issues keep her from meeting with the rest of us who miss her. i hope she really gets to stay with us next year.

for some reason, i had more fun today with my parents than i normally do. and my mom's and my mutual quest for an iPod failed. oh well. better luck next time to us.Ü anyways, we were left to roam the mall together while my dad paid bills. okay, we were bad. hahaÜ well, we had so much fun cruising the aisles of watson's and consulting each other on better paraphernalia.Ü aside from the usual things i get, i got white rain's lavender and vanilla shampoo. i know talking about what shampoo i bought seems stupid, but i love it, because its greatness lies on the obvious fact that it combined two of my ultimate uberloved scents--doi, lavender and vanilla-- and i only saw it today. yipee!Ü

going back to the school related mush, i still don't know when we start classes. people say it's on the 16th, but it still doesn't convince me. the others say, 14, but i don't know about that either. oh well. at least i'm still going there on tuesday to meet my dear sis. either way, i get to know when i really should come to class.Ü

i see that keeping myself logged on will make my head ache more, so, goodbye happy world and i will see you soon. happy independence day.Ü

Adventure Central

although i feel i'm not really having a great week, there are some high points to the past few days anyway.

enrollment was okay, kind of hassle-less, but, generally, it went okay. the rest of the few days, however, have been spent at home, in potato-ey goodness, and in excellent terms with my now ubercomfy bedroom. i so don't know how i continue to do this, but a half-unexpected visitor knocked my head back to its place- the now-called diwata [more like -------, if you ask me. wah. :p]. the endless food trips and annoying stressball craze deemed too much for my peaceful soul. in less than half an hour, my kooky self has been resurrected and put to the test. i suddenly felt that cuz and cuzdear were with me. oh yes, tita baklush's presence made that ALL possible.

according to studies, horses cannot be shot with tranquilizers, because it makes them more unstable [hah! that's CSI for you, man!]. and since "ducks don't get wet," you're pretty sure that the whale shark is so humongous it can swallow loads of seawater along with nutrient-packed gourmet seafood [okay, that was, my bedspread, the national geographic channel, and the national geographic channel.].

who says adventures couldn't be educational?

let's see... luncheon meat. wafer sticks. candy. street treats: fishballs, isaw. seasoned spices meat pasta. crackers and seasoned ground beef. hearty meat pasta tossed in orange tomato sauce. pancakes with maple syrup. orange slush shake with crushed cacao krispies. barbecue chicken pita sandwich. a mcchicken sandwich. fries. cappuccino ice cream. a forty-eight hour menu.

oh, man. my adventures have got to stop.

tomorrow is a new day.

matters of the heart

it's been so long since i last wrote about anything concerning matters of the heart. oh well.

er... matters of the heart meaning, anything and everything concerning deepest feelings, yearnings, and whatever else. not just in the lovey aspect.

i have been enchanted, engaged, and engrossed in the craziest things this summer. they were super fun things, yes, but a lot just thought i was losing it. in all i've done these past months, i still feel unaccomplished. i think i really have to dwell on what i really want to do now.

stuff for the bored

1.do you get jealous easily?sometimes. it depends.
2. what have u been doing these past few days?watching movies and putting 'something' together
3. last movie u watched?cinema: a lot like lovetv: a johnny depp action moviedvd: snatchvcd: repli-kate
4. fave songs?last chance, spend my life with you, i miss you, your song, you, one last cry, make me whole, lately, i love you goodbye, color of love, butterfly kisses, beauty and madness, alive, and others.Ü
5. what are u planning to do this week?go out with my dance friends and watch mr.&mrs.smith, train, buy stuff for school
6. do u smoke?nope. never did.
7. any people in-love with u right now?i sure as hell don't know.
8. do u prefer sms or talking on the phone?talking on the phone, of course.
9. are u missing someone right now?super.
10. what are you doing right now?besides answering this survey, uploading pictures in multiply.Ü
11. when was the last time u were surprised?a while ago, when i found out that my blockmate's not gonna transfer na.Ü
12. five words that will fit u ryt now?semi-optimistic. yearning. preoccupied. restless. aching.
13. name ur good friends?sis, cuz, cuz dear, barxchix, gorgeous dancers, darna, mayumi, parts of my family
14. one person u want to spend the rest of ur life with?waiting...
15. what were u doing before this?bloggingÜ
16. what are you thinking now?when will i get my answer?
17.what did you do last night?gathered stuff for the something i'm giving someone.Ü
18.what did you last say to a friend last night?why po? what's up?
19.what attracts you to a girl/boy?nice eyes and smile
20.what makes you happy?being on stage, performing; being loved; accomplishment
21.what are you wearing now?the chill dress thingy my eldest brother gave me from boracay
22.who was the last person you talked to?my other brother
23.what do you want to tell someone?why?
24.when is your birthday?26 february 1986
25.when is your crush's birthday?why should i tell you? hahaÜ
26.when did you last smile?a few seconds ago
27.why did you answer this?because the freakin' pictures are still being uploaded
28.when will you marry?i'm not really sure
29.When did u last receive a gift?2 days ago- a few things my eldest kuya gave me from cebu
30.when did you last drink alcoholic beverages?i don't remember anymore

IT TAKES TWO...

TWO NAMES YOU GO BY: jai, cinderella
TWO THINGS YOU DISLIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: i can be super moody and really bratty
TWO THINGS THAT SCARE YOU: being alone, getting hurt
TWO THINGS U NEED EVERYDAY: phone and lip balm
TWO OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS/SINGERS: bands: u-turn, evanesence singers: tamia, boyzIImen
TWO OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT THE MOMENT: your song, last chance
TWO PERSONS YOU SPEND TIME WITH THE MOST: my parents
TWO OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES: performing, hanging out
TWO THINGS YOU WANT TO REALLY BUY RIGHT NOW: shoes and clothes
TWO CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING: being a pediatrician and a stage actress
TWO PLACES YOU WOULD GO ON VACATION: europe and somewhere around the caribbean
TWO OF YOUR FAVORITE PERSONS: my sis and my cuz
TWO THINGS YOU DID YESTERDAY: watched a movie, ate out with my family
TWO PERSONS THAT YOU MISS A LOT: faith and my cuz
TWO FOODS THAT YOU'RE CRAVING FOR: pasta and a chicken caesar salad
TWO FAVORITE SUBJECTS IN HS/COLLEGE: highschool: english and elective [dramatics] college: [so far...] psychology and theology Ü
TWO OF YOUR FUNNIEST MEMORIES IN HIGH SCHOOL: 1. playing heart attack with my barx at the hidden part of the top bleachers[poolside] inside the gym during the marian camp-in hullabaloo, 2. chill moments and joke times with the barx
TWO PERSONS THAT COME TO YOUR MIND NOW: my prince and lolo's grandson
TWO ELEMENTARY FRIENDS YOU'D LIKE TO SEE RIGHT NOW: rachelle arzadon and melo villanueva
TWO COLORS YOU LIKE: purple and black
TWO HIGH SCHOOL FRIENDS YOU WANT TO TALK TO: faith and jen

back in white action

oh yes. enrollment day. i again endured the melting heat of the sun while walking around my school. new faces. old faces. new discoveries. slight delight for unlost causes.

i just want to say that my schedule is sooo not nice. get this:

mondays & fridays: 2pm - 5pm
wednesdays: 9am - 5pm
tuesdays & thursdays: 10am - 7pm

i don't like it at all. i don't like going to school in the afternoon. aww, man. this sucks.

well, at least one thing's good about this: football.

or at least i think so. anyways, i hope i do okay with this. oh well.

6 Part Survey: 1 & 2

PART ONE

survey 1: cellphone
1. globe, smart or sun? - globe
2. line or prepaid? - line
3. nokia ka ba? kung hinde, ano? - nokia
4. nakailang cell ka na? - 8
5.anong unit ng phone mo? - 1100 and 7110
6. anong best feature/s ng phone mo? - flashlight and superbig memory
7. nahulog mo na ba phone mo? - oh yes
8. anong color ng cell mo? - blue&white
9. ano ba gusto mong phone? - madami. hahaÜ

PART TWO
survey 2: personal
1. whats ur name? - jaimie
2. where do u live? - quezon city
3. how old are you? - 19
4. nicknames? - jaimie, jai, jaim, jaims, jamay, sis, cinderella, jaimiegirl, jmi, mommy, nanay, et al.
5. birthday mo? - 260286

bring in the noise

1.Song playing at the moment? - the song of raindrops falling on the roof
2.One reason for living? - bringing goodness to the world [naks!]
3.Do u think your partner is sexy? - i don't have a partner right now. wah. haha
4.Ever donated blood? - never
5.Fav color? - lavender
6.Accessories you usually wear? - earrings, watch, bracelet, necklace [not anymore, though. earrings and a watch nalang. haha]
7.One song to describe a heartbreak in the past? - smile by tamia
8.Last place you went? - rizal sports commission [huh?]
9.Last person who disappointed you? - cuz dear
10.The most boring sport? - i don't really know
11.Ever had a baby? - never, man.
12.The funniest movie you watched in the past week? - i didn't watch anything this week
13.The most romantic gift? - love [naks!]
14.Sang on stage before? - of course
16.Struck by lightning before? - never
17.Danced with your loved one before? - yea
18.Ever wished you could turn back time? - a few times before
19.What would you do if you woke up one day to find yourself to be someone from the opposite sex? - freak out muna, then breathe hahaÜ
20.One song that's meaningful to you? - spend my life with you- tamia and eric benet
21.Last person you met? - florence
22.What will you be doing tomorrow? - dancing
23.Who's your favorite F4 member? - vanness wu Ü
24.One thing you totally regretted doing? - basta.
26.What was the last game you played on the computer? - spider solitaire
27.Someone who means a lot to you at the moment? - secret
28.The color of your mobile phone? - blue and white
29. Do you hate someone at the moment? - haha yes
30. What do you wish to happen now? - haaay...