Bittersweet Semi-Symphony

self-induced irritation may be the most logical explanation for what i'm feeling now, but, not really. people say it's a matter of seeing the good in things. i say it's a matter of seeing things as they are supposed to be seen.

reasons. too many reasons.

1. my mom came home with a globe telecom paperbag in hand, asking me if i wanted the pink bear she got from-- i'm assuming--saisaki. [hello. hint, hint. a new cell phone. and it's not one of those cheap ones. grr. and she says i have this phone fetish. look who's talking.]

2. an extended lecture on how the world is uberdangerous nowadays [which, of course, started with the cellphone talk].

3. television invasion---i again lose to my parents. it's always theirs.

4. slow and painful torture. i can't breathe in this room. everyone's looking over my shoulder.

5. i passed the judgment day(s). for a sick person, that's an accomplishment.

6. oh, and that reminds me---yes, i'm still sick.

7. babytalk in the living room. [oh, spare me please!]

8. my weird fascination for momentary cynicism [well, for cynicism in general, momentary or otherwise.]

9. endless blabber i sooo don't want to hear. like forcing issues on me will make me listen. keep trying.

10. de-stressing my nonsoul, and de-cluttering my nerve-wracked mind.

***there you go. reasons. hence the title.

although the madness makes me want to shut my world out right now, i will still try my hardest to smile. i passed gc, all right. thanks to those who believed in my powerless state in the few days of judgment. ouchies.

sadly, my presently-incompetent state is unable to unleash sufficient wordplay to make the days of bored folk. you'll have to wait until next time.

Ouchies...

now that i think about it. i don't feel too well after all.

a book read and and halfway though another one doesn't make me feel better also. i've been resting every single moment i can get to, but to no avail. methinks my nonsoul wants to rest for real. but for how long, i still don't know.

Ten Straight Sick Days

this does not mean cursing the number. i just am still really sick.

on the lighter side of things, i'm happy today [well, despite all the crap i had to put up with and the extremely pitiful time i've had with the rest of civilization]. the three new books i had my parents purchase for sick, sad moi [harhar, the perks...Ü] kind of turned my day upside down. not only do i envision curling up in bed in the coming cold nights with a good book, a warm comforter and hot green tea and milk partnered with peanut butter and chocolate creme oreos [in pjs... ah... sweet.], but also the adventure my mind shall embark on the moment i turn a book's page.

another great idea==> oreos' alternate: cinnamon milk oatmeal. heaven.Ü and with more puppy-dog eyes and eyelash-batting [albeit REALLY in pain] directed to the rents, my wishes are their command.Ü thank you Lord for the gift of life!Ü

life is SOOO good.Ü

i absolutely love this idea, but sadly, there's a bad side to all the bliss i'm oh-so-waiting to get. two words: Judgment Day. it's so sad that i overlooked this thought when i constantly dreamt of unending comfort, and now that i'm considering the idea, my insides are churning and i can't breathe--literally.

i don't know if i'll ever get through tomorrow, because starting 6:30 am, my hellish day will start. i don't even know if i'll be well by then, but at the rate things are going, i don't really think so. the question still remains unanswered then: should i succumb to my pathetic dis-ease and not go through with tomorrow's lethal fury or just take in the wrath of my literally ruined future?

oh man.

before every ounce of my sanity disappears and i collapse into a heap of school things on the floor, end this ranting i will. now i have to summon up my inner yoda and try to make peace with the Force.

that is, if no dark lord wll stand in my way.

i PRAY that With Me the Force May Be.